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I am new here. At my wits end.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Queenj, Mar 16, 2019.

  1. Queenj

    Queenj New Member

    Hello, I’m new here but have been reading threads for a few days. I am 29, married, and we have 6 kids, husband has 2 from a previous relationship, I have 2 from previous relationships and we have 2 together. It’s difficult to explain because we don’t do the ‘yours, mine’ stuff. They’re all ‘ours’ to us. So his ‘C’ is 13, and lives with his mother. His ‘V’ my stepdaughter is 11 and lives with us.


    My oldest ‘JA’ is 12 and lives with us, my ‘Difficult’ is 8, lives with us and is our menace, ill explain more in a min. Our ‘L1’ is 5 and our ‘L2’ is 14 months old and they live with us as well. So in all we have 5 kids, 4 boys and 1 girls who live with us full time. I’m a stay at home mom and my husband works like a gazillion hours a week, I exaggerate but it seems like that with 5 kids sometimes!!


    So I had ‘JA’ when I was 17, his dad and I split up shortly after.


    I had ‘difficult’ when I was 21. I had NO idea that his bio dad had psychological problems at all until after I was pregnant. He was all over the place. Happy one second and pissed the next, and I was the pregnant one! So I had a lot of problems with ‘difficult’ during my pregnancy, I kept going into labor with him so they kept giving me a shot to stop it, then, after the 7th shot, they said that theyd give me steroids for his lungs and if I go into labor again, I’d have him. I ended up going full term though and had a healthy baby boy. So aside from being a regular newborn that cried and pooped all the time, he never slept. Like ever, ever. But after about 4 months, his dad decided that dad life wasn’t what he wanted and he was out.


    We split up and went thru court and everything and he did his parenting time half assed of course. All he wanted to do was play Xbox and smoke weed with his friends. He didn’t want a baby. My now husband and I were friends way back then. And have been for like ever. He’s been by my side thru it all. He taught ‘difficult’ how to walk. He’s watched my kids when no one would. He’s the only dad Jordan has ever known. ‘Difficult’ doesn’t know that my husband isn’t technically his dad either. But ‘difficult’ has always been different. When he was 1, he would climb out of his crib and get into cabinets and stuff and get into everything. And I’m talking about like before he could really walk that good he was climbing into my cabinets! At his 2yeae old checkup I said something to the dr and he said oh he will grow out of it it’ll be fine. I’m like you don’t understand he’s into everything! He throws himself down and hits his head off my floor and won’t stop! He doesn’t quit! He’s all over the place!


    I had ‘L1’ when he was 2 and he was really mean to him. I would put him in his bouncer seat to go pee and ‘difficult’ would slap him and hit him! So I couldn’t leave ‘L1’ at all, around ‘diificult’ And they’re still fighting 6 years later!


    At this 3 year old checkup I’m really concerned because he’s gotten really really angry, like turns bright red! He’s taking things out of the kitchen and stuff and just all over everything all the tome. Just totally awful all the time.


    Then I get him into preschool thinking maybe just maybe please god let this help us! His teacher was the best! She has adult adhd so she said I think he has adhd but since he’s so young we can just try to find ways to help him concentrate while he’s here, that helped a lot, when he was there, at home he was still a little butt but at least he was learning at school!


    So kindergarten came and his teacher tells me he’s having major trouble with sitting still in class and paying attention and keeping his hands to himself, and that I need to ask his dr for the Vanderbilt forms for adhd screening. I do this. And at home, this are getting progressively worse as he gets older, he’s stealing food, I swear we feed him! And getting into everything just being overly nosey for a 5 year old. He’s super angry and always fighting with his siblings and throwing temper tantrums.


    He’s 8 now and I know 3 years is a huge jump but I could write you all a damn book with all the crap that’s happened in 3 years. This boy is hateful, angry, rude, he steals, I won’t take him to the store with me, he can’t go to my friends houses because he will steal from them, I can’t keep my wallet in my house(I leave it in my car), he stole from the school book fair, steals from his classmates lockers, his siblings literally hate being around him, he still pees the bed, he randomly will pee in the weirdest places, he’s lost recess at school for the rest of the year because of the excessive stealing at school. I feel like all I’m doing is continually living a nightmare. I dread 4oclock when the kids get home. Not that I don’t want to see ‘JA’ and ‘V’s smiling faces and hear about their days, but because I know 2 seconds after I ask ‘difficult’ how his day was, it’s going to turn bad. He’s on vyvanse in the morning and dextroamphetamine at 4pm and then takes ability at bedtime. We have another appointment for m Tuesday to assess the abilify that isn’t working (that’s the newest). But so far, he’s been officially diagnosed with adhd, odd, major depressive disorder, and a mood disorder. I feel like there’s so much more going on but I don't know. I just want there to be some magic spell to make this all go away. I’m so tired!! Just tired of fighting with him!!
     
  2. Lila256

    Lila256 Member

    I completely understand where you are. I came into my stepsons life when he was 9 years old, but a lot of the behaviors you describe are very similar. He is now sixteen and no longer in our house because it got so bad that we had to give up custody and he is now living in a facility for minors with severe behavioral issues. I wish I could say that there is answers ahead, but mostly what we found was more questions. However, I can say that you are in the right place. The other parents here know exactly what you are going through and can support you at every step. I haven't been as regular here as I would like, but the help they have given me throughout the process is invaluable!
     
  3. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Welcome. You are in the right place. We have all walked our own version of this difficult road. A road none of us chose for our families, and especially for our difficult children.

    Does Difficult have an IEP at school? If not, you might want to consider requesting that he be evaluated for one. If he is having issues at school even if not academic issues (you mentioned stealing), then it is a good idea to have him tested. At this point it is fairly late in the school year, but you can put in the written request regardless. The district must honor it within 60 school days.

    You mention psychiatric medications, does he see a child psychiatrist? Does he get therapy sessions as well?

    Sometimes children this difficult unfortunately need to be placed outside the home so siblings have a chance to grow up normally. It is a heartbreaking decision. I wish this would have been done in my stepson's case.

    The inappropriate urination is a red flag for potentially very serious trouble down the road. Are his doctors/therapists aware of this inappropriate urination? Does he also poop in weird places or just pee? That is a behavior that his therapists NEED to know about.

    Have you involved the CPS system at all? They can be very helpful and ultimately might be able to get him placed in a residential treatment center. If he doesn't improve, this might be necessary unfortunately.

    Keep posting. We are here for you.
     
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  4. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Now that my son is fourteen, this tactic doesn't work, but when he was little, I literally used to be able to put the fear of God in him by showing him scripture when he was fibbing me or lying. He's fourteen now, so scare tactics don't work anymore. Your son is still little, so that simple technique might help.

    Has he been to counseling for the stealing? Compulsive stealing is known as kleptomania. Is he stealing things he wouldn't even want or use? If so, that is a very complicated problem to treat.
     
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