New member intro

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by boxerlover, Nov 20, 2008.

  1. boxerlover

    boxerlover New Member

    Hi, I am mom to an 8 yo boy who is having a very difficult time in school this year. His teachers and the staff seem to think ODD is extremely probable, in addition to "Aspie Lite" as I saw it called on another post (love it!) and depression. We have just begun the psyc review process and it seems to be moving along very slowly when his behavior is getting worse. He got suspended today for one day and we have another IEP meeting the Monday after they come back after Thanksgiving.

    Anyway, just looking for some help and support.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Welcome Rebecca!
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    We got lots of support here! Welcome
    Tell us more about yourself and your son.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Rebecca!
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is he getting any help for his Aspergers. Lite or not, he needs interventions for that specific problem or he will struggle.
    Welcome :)
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Hi and welcome! Love your name, your picture and the breed. Boxers are so irresistible.

    Hopefully, you're getting a neuropsychologist evaluation. It is slow, tedious but gives many more answers than any other exam you will get. If he is found to be an aspie, fight hard for any and all services possible. The more interventions he has now, the easier his life will be as he grows. Right now, I'm sure his level of frustration is immense. It is hard when your world is so different from the rest of the world's, especially when you don't understand that your world is different. Occupational, sensory, behavior, cognitive therapies will all help him learn some coping skills.

    So, what did he do to get suspended? Definitely work on stopping suspensions through the IEP. I know my daughter would do whatever it took to get suspended once she learned that throwing things, hitting, etc. would get her out of school. I finally had it put n the IEP that unless blood was drawn on another person, there would be no out-of-school suspensions and in-school suspensions would be spent working her little tail off. Obviously, mine could control her behavior, just refused to do so. Your son may not be able to control his behavior and that should be all the more reason to not suspend him.

    You've found a great group with lots of knowledge and willingness to share. Here's wishing you the best.
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hi Rebecca & welcome. Like MB love the name Rebecca (my sister & neice share your name) & absolutely love boxers. Our current dog is a boxer mix (mostly boxer according to the vet). Wonderful dog.

    I'm rambling - sorry. Again welcome & I hope we can help you with any issue you might have. Stay tuned! ;)
  8. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    Welcome to the board. Our group is informative and can provide you lots of support:D.
  9. boxerlover

    boxerlover New Member

    Here's a little bit of background info. :tongue: (That's courtesy of Tyler) Tyler was born full term by c-section at 9 lbs. 15 oz - my pelvis was too small to deliver him. From the beginning I was confused at his behavior. He cried constantly but wasn't what I would consider colicy. He was just distraught all the time unless he was sleeping and nursing. We chose to use the attachment parenting style and though it was utterly exhausting we struggled through. He never really wanted to be anywhere he was - laying down, on my lap, with his dad, with other people (esp. that one!). He developed basically on a normal schedule with slight delays in motor skills. He stayed at home with me (though I do work at home so I was dividing my time between him and work) until he was 2 1/2. He started going to a church day care facility that I love.

    He has very poor social skills with children. He doesn't know how to interact with them except to show off his toys and if they don't do what he says he gets frustrated and/or angry.

    The anger has really only started in the past 8 or 9 months. My side of the family has a history of depression, with everyone left untreated except for me. I've been on zoloft and immipramine (anti-anxiety/sleep aid) for 11 years. Tyler started off in the 2nd grade having difficulty in class but I don't think his teacher recognized what was going on and he just got sent to the "reflection room" a good bit. In third grade (this year) he started complaining that the work was "too hard" and he would just shut down and refuse to do any work. But he is very smart and the work is not too hard for him. In fact when he went to the reflection room where it was quiet and no one was teaching him, he would sit down and very diligently do his assignments. In class he would randomly either do his work diligently or completely melt down. We saw this at home, too. He would either do his homework with limited assistance from us, or he would complain it was too hard, whine and cry and put his head down. This will last anywhere from 5-10 minutes or an hour. I think this is a symptom of depression. He has been evaluated by the school psychologist and the testing showed a high probability of depression and Aspergers. He answered yes to statements like It is hard for me to make friends, I am often sad, and I cause trouble to my family. These statements were extremely difficult to hear.

    Aspie symptoms - hates it when others are singing, talking loudly or otherwise making noise that does not directly involve him. gets along better with adults that his peers, does not adapt well to changes in routine, takes an excessively long time to get used to new situations and people, doesn't like imaginative play but prefers building things or drawing extremely life-like pictures. That's all I can think of right now but I'm sure there are others. Oh, very little affection is shown. He has never hugged me or said I love you.

    The meltdowns in class were so disruptive that we had an IEP meeting and he was moved to an Inclusion class where there are 2 teachers and 2 para-pros and 16 students. He did well the first couple of weeks despite the abrupt change in routine. Once he got comfortable he started with the outbursts. He will complain that something is "too hard" and will get up under his chair. He has told the teacher NO and is refusing to follow directions. They allow him time to calm down and are really good with him, but he has progressively gotten more combative with them. Yesterday he had a meltdown but got back on track and finished his first assignment, but then for the rest of the day he refused to do any work. He had to be bribed with a small toy he had brought to school (not supposed to bring toys but he had it in his pocket I guess) in order to even go to lunch. He threw his bookbag (not at anyone) and simply refused to give the teacher his agenda so she could right us a note. Then he threw himself on the floor, taking care to put his arm up to protect his head (acting deliberately).

    Lately he has been saying things like This is why I hate you when we ask him to do something or punish him for doing something wrong. He has also been calling us Stupid and has been trying out curse words.

    He has had an intial session with a child psycologist and the dr. has visited him at the school twice. The dr. has already mentioned that he suspects we need to try anti-depressants. The outbursts are a pretty recent thing, and yesterday the school said they would call the dr. and make him a "crisis" case to hurry up his evaluation.

    I know this is way more info than you wanted for an initial intro but it is helping me to sort through it all and figure out the important stuff. It seems to me that the Aspie is an underlying cause of the depression along with my family history of depression, and the ODD (which was mentioned by the school as a real possibility) is a response to his depression and inability to cope with all that's going on. At least that's what I am thinking right now. I had never even heard of ODD until this week.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    howdy boxer lover -

    My Grandog is part boxer - she's quite a lovely princess.

    I'm so glad you decided to come out and meet the rest of us. My sister is an Aspie lite. She's very gifted - has an IQ of 165+ and holds 5 college degrees.

    I wanted to touch on something that as a relatively new Mom to CD you may not know that might help you. First of all the disorder NEVER goes away. Hard pill to swallow BUT if someone had been honest with me years ago my mind could have been in a different frame to deal with it all. I kept thinking that the right pill, the right therapy the right Mom (you know what I mean) may "cure" this child. Truth is - their disorders can be managed and you spend a lifetime teaching them to undo the "map" in their brain. If you really want to understand - read a book called "Mapping" by Helams. It's fascinating.

    Second - you said He's getting therapy but getting worse - OH for the days I had said this and would have been handed a nickle? Rich old me - but this is the way it goes - two steps forward, four steps back, and yes, they do get worse - therapy is changing the way he thinks, behaves, his programming that for whatever reason is not "norm" - and you bet - you're going to have rougher than rough days.

    Best advice - take care of you - do NOT neglect yourself and continue with where you can educate yourself about your son's disorders. I hope you come back here often - nice to see a new face.

  11. Jena

    Jena New Member


    I'm jumping in as well to say welcome!! :)

    You will find i'm sure alot of great support here as I have and others!!
  12. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    Welcome Rebecca!!! I am a newbie here too, but already love this site!!
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    in my opinion he sounds full blown Aspergers, not "lite." I have a child who is somewhere between Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and Aspergers. I suggest getting more interventions for the autism (Aspergers is high functioning autism). Those lack of social skills will not get better unless he gets serious help for that. And he is likely to get very depressed if he can't make friends...again howdy :)
  14. Rebecca,

    I would like to say Welcome Aboard as well. You will get some great advice here.
  15. 627666

    627666 New Member

    Welcome, Rebecca! I am new to this site, as well, and already pleased with the info I have received.

    I do not pretend to know what is going on with your child, as I am in a haze right now dealing with my (almost) 12 year old son's issues. All I can tell you is to keep praying, remain an advocate for your child, and take it one day at a time. It is nice to know we are not alone, isn't it?

    Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. You seem like a wonderful, loving Mom!