New member with questions :)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by camjen1, Mar 3, 2009.

  1. camjen1

    camjen1 New Member

    Hi all I'm new so please be gentle. :)

    I have a 9-year-old that has just been diagnosed with conduct disorder and I want to learn, learn and learn more.

    My daughter has seen a multitude of doctors and basically we have come down to bipolar, adhd, odd, aspergers and Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD).

    Geneticist is thinking Aspergers but diagnosing appointment is coming up on the 25th. Psychology states diagnoses as conduct disorder. May wind up having both if at all possible.

    My daughter is already on medications and they seem to be working and she has improved some. My question is where do I start?? She has a therapist I can ask questions but I want your personal experiences not someone telling me from a book. ;)
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Welcome to the site. Help is here.

    From what I understand, 9 is too young really to say it's Conduct Disorder. It seems to me like you've been getting possibilities tossed at you but none of them are confirmed. In which case, don't assume the labels are all correct or concurrent - it will probably be narrowed down to just one, maybe two. There are kids here who have been given a BiPolar (BP) label only to have it eventually overturned and confirmed as Asperger's instead. I think there may be acouple of vice versa as well.

    Our younger three all improved when started on ADHD medications. difficult child 3's autism manifestations improved on the medications, even though they shouldn't hve (depending on how people think they work).

    We recommend "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There are also oter books. But what has worked for me (and I think for a lot of us) is recognising what makes the child tick, and trying to work from there. In general, the child wants to please us, wants approval. But they are also often driven by anxiety, by confusion over whayt is gonig on, and frustration sets in. A lot of the anger, shouting, screaming matches and disrespect often stem from confusion over the way they feel they have no control over what is happening to them and around them. If the child is possibly Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in any form then chances are, the usual social rules don't apply. Such kids don't pick up social skills by osmosis; simply being around "normal" people teaches nothing. Sometimes they can be set back, if they don't uderstand why people behave the way they do. We found that putting structure in place as well as careful supervision helped a lot. Also, we had to stop trying to control the child and instead help the child learn self-control. If you become the facilitator for the child and step back from trying to push, it helps. Also, learning to give time warnings and to plan ahead in setting up strategies helps a great deal. You learn to walk away from phrases like "Because I said so." All that will happen, is the child will learn form your example and use it back on you. So I learned to treat my son with respect, to model it for him, in order to help him learn to show respect for other people. He treats people as they treat him.

    Read the book. I know you want to learn form people and not books, but this book really did help me learn a great deal. There is also some good discussion on this book in the Early Childhood forum.

    Again, welcome. Do a sig for yourself when you can, it will make it easier for you to not have to repeat your details every time you post.

  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am glad you are having further evaluations. It sounds like there may be a lot. My son has cyclothymia(mild BiPolar (BP)) and ADHD. I guess I am not sure what you want by personal experiences. I can tell you that my son can be very emotional about things, and very impulsive, and very rude, but can be so wonderful polite and caring. It is odd. I would encourage you to read thru the posts here to get insight on our experiences.

    Where to start? Evaluations, and trust your gut. Many here have seen different diagnosis's before arriving at the correct one. I am interested in why you would have a geneticist involved. That could be helpful, but I just had not heard that yet.
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Good morning!

    Just wanted to say Hello and Welcome!

  5. ML

    ML Guest

    Welcome Camjen. I have a difficult child son just a year older than your daughter. I just wanted to say that I'm glad you found us, but sorry you had to. This is a great place for learning and making friends. ML
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member


    When you read the actual diagnostic deifintion of Conduct Disorder -- I think you will see where Marg is going.

    Here is a link to The Chandler Papers. In the FAQ section of the site. Sort of a summary of the typical diagnosis that come with behavior problems in children. Well, vice versa! LOL!
  7. camjen1

    camjen1 New Member

    Thanks everyone for their replies.

    I was blown away by the diagnosis. What makes me even more furious is that back in July 08 she seen a physciatrist that also diagnosed her with conduct disorder but yet didn't convey the info to me.

    My daughter has had a micro array chromosome testing which showed she does have an abnormal chromosome 16. We go this month on the 25th to learn what this all means. Doctor thinks Autism or more so Aspergers. She lacks empathy, social skills and eye contact. She excels in reading and is currently on the honor roll.

    I'm just really confused right now. It has been a very long road and it seems like it's not coming to an end for quite some time.

    On a positive note I am taking somewhat of parenting classes to deal with such a defiant child and it seems to be helping me a bit in dealing with the stressful situations.