New Member

[SearchingForRainbows]

You're a great group of people! I had to visit this site for a long time before I felt comfortable enough to join. I've never joined an on-line support group before. My computer skills are very minimal.

I have two difficult children. They are almost exactly one year apart. My oldest will be 16 soon and his brother will be 15. It seems like there is never a dull moment!!!

Having difficult children has definitely changed me. I feel as though I have lost a large chunk of my life. I'm looking forward to the time when they will no longer be living with me.

At this point, I'm thinking about their futures and trying to do everything I can to help them become happy, productive, and self-sufficient. I think difficult child 1 will be able to make it on his own. Although he refuses to do anything he doesn't want to do, he is gifted when it comes to computers. He is taking college level computer classes in high school. Unfortunately, his only interests are computers and football.

difficult child 2 is more of a problem when I try and think of him living on his own. He does very well academically but has absolutely no common sense and is extremely immature. He gets frustrated easily and still throws daily tantrums. He still needs help with showers, wiping himself after BMs, tying his shoes, etc. He thrives on routines and schedules.

I've been researching programs for difficult child 2 and am looking into an after school program that teaches daily living skills. I dropped off an application last week and left a message for the teacher to call me today. I'm praying this works out!!!

Well, I just wanted to say hello and tell you a bit about my situation. Reading your posts has helped me so much. I hope I'll be able to help some of you too. WFEN

 

[mstang67chic]

Welcome Wishing!! Since you've admitted to "lurking" I don't need to tell you about all of the support and advice you'll find here. It truly is a soft place to land and there are times I thought I would go nuts without it.

I understand completely about your concerns for your son's futures. My difficult child is almost 17 and while he comes across as relatively "normal", he's operating emotionally and in his maturity on the level of about a 10-11 year old. He's flunking most of his classes, has never had a job (and I can't see him handling one anytime soon), has not been allowed to take driver's training but he'll tell you.....he's going to be rich and famous some day and have an awesome house. Good luck with your search for services. I'm sure you'll find something good for him! :warrior:

Welcome again! It's so nice to find a place where people understand.

 

[jamrobmic]

I'm another one who understands what it's like to worry whether or not your child will ever be on his own. My son is 18, and was out of the "nest" for about six weeks. Now he's back and not doing anything. Good luck that the program you've found works out, and I'm glad you came out of "lurk mode." We're glad you found us, sorry you had to. :smile:

 

[totoro]

Welcome!!! I am sure you will have some wisdom for us with younger difficult children... Sorry you are here but we are together. We do suport each other. Many of us have horrible computer skills!!!

 

[amy4129]

Glad you felt safe enough to come out of lurk mode. You will have even more support as a poster than just reading. Welcome!!!
Amy

 

[Stella Johnson]

Welcome! You really have your hands full with 2 difficult child's. Glad you found us.

Steph

 

[Wiped Out]

Welcome!
Glad you found us and felt comfortable posting. I like your boardname-some days I feel like that and my difficult child is only 9. You sound like you have a lot going on with two difficult children. I hope difficult child 2 gets into the afterschool program. Be sure to let us know how that turns out! Again-welcome!

 

[BonnieJean]

<font color="blue">Hey Wishing, just wanted to send my greetings. You've landed in a nice soft place in this crazy world we call chaos...lol actually it helps to keep your sense of humour, even when you think the roller coaster will never stop. My favourite saying is Who the he$$ pushed me off this merry go round and how do I get back on?</font>

<font color="blue">I'm sorry I've been AWOL for abit, have ALOT going on and I haven't been much support to anyone, not even myself if truth be told. But anyways, you've got BIG problems of your own and I just wanted to add my welcome! Really glad you found us and decided to post.</font>

<font color="blue">by the way, your difficult child 1 sounds abit like my easy child boy, except mine is into computers, composing music and DDR/ING.</font>

<font color="blue">Here's hoping their future starts looking brighter!</font>
<font color="blue">Take care,</font>
<font color="blue">BonnieJean</font>
:smile:

 

[Marguerite]

Welcome, this is a really helpful site.

With difficult children, something to hold on to - don't think about their age, when wondering how they're going. "He should be able to do that now - he's 15," is simply not relevant. They take longer to get there.

When difficult child 1 was 16 (the age at which Aussie kids may begin learning to drive) he didn't want to learn and we didn't want to let him. Back then it looked like it would never be wise to let him get behind the wheel. Now he's 22, finally said, "I think I can do this," and has done much better than any of us thought. But back when he was 16 - it would have been a disaster. easy child, on the other hand - she had her licence as soon as she could legally get it.

I also found pushing wasn't a good idea, either. While you don't want them slacking off and not being challenged, you also shouldn't push them too hard in areas they simply can't handle yet. difficult child 1 has made amazing progress in the last year, by working out his limitations and trying to find other ways to do things. We describe him as "22, going on 15."

Marg

 

[timer lady]

Thought I'd pop in & welcome you to our little corner of the world.

I've learned not to look at my tweedles physical ages, but at the ages they are testing out at mentally & emotionally. It helps me put a perspective on things & know what they can & cannot handle on any given day.

difficult children tend to take longer to mature - it's the "nature of the beast", if you will.

Work for the highest level of functionality in the community for your children. Start scoping out assisted services if need be - a group home or some other living situation that difficult child may transition to.

Just some thoughts for you on this very early & cold morning. :smile:

 

[busywend]

Welcome!

Good luck to you with the after school daily living skills program - sounds like a good place to start.

 

[rejectedmom]

hello and welcome. I love your ID! I have aften said that I do not understand the empty nest syndrome thing. Me I say "bring it on!!!!" I'll be doing a jig if/when it finally happens to me. Of course I want it to be because of good reasons like they are finally able to manage on their own or are in a permanent situation where they will be supervised and OK. Whatever is appropriate and healthy. -RM

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

RM,

Thanks for making me smile!!! I'll be doing the jig right along with you!!! I'll even bring the drinks. WFEN