New to board... life time in working with-my difficult child.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ShyChelle, Apr 22, 2009.

  1. ShyChelle

    ShyChelle New Member

    Hi My name is Chelle. I new to the board. I was looking online for support groups in my state, and didn't find any. My son is 17 and has been diagnosed with ODD, ADHD and most probably has Bipolar. We know he has a mood condition. I hope you all don't mind me laying out there because it has been a long time coming.

    I am a single mom. My support system as of now is a counselor mandated by the courts, a parole officer and me. My son started showing signs of something not being quite right probably around 2. I thought maybe as a new mom and being young that perhaps it was normal or something he would grow out of. He bit other children, was aggressive and they had trouble controlling him. At school age I couldn't get him to do his school work for the life of me. I would sit there with him for like 3 hrs and nothing. I didn't make it any better because I got really frustrated after a while. Now I can't get him to even go to school let alone do his homework. He went to a event in another state at age 9 or 10 with a friend and some others his age. While he as there he got upset at someone telling him what to do and covered himself from head to to in mud. Let me just say he was no longer encouraged to attend things after that by the group. Around 13 I found porn and little girls underwear in a bag. At 14 he and some buddies made a molitoff cocktail and proceeded to smash it under a bridge creating smoke.. the bridge was located next to the fire and police department. He has become violent and agressive against me. I have called the police several times. I have admitted him into 3 different treatment places... the last one was 6 months. He is depressed and most probably using drugs. He now has a thyroid problem and cant take medications until they figure out what is going on with it. And tomorrow I have to take him to see his parole officer and I think she will put him in jail for truancy and parole violations. The good times seem to be getting fewer and farther between. I should have sought out support sooner but thought it would get better, not worse. I guess that is it.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Chelle,
    Glad you found us, sorry things are so rough right now. It sounds like you have been through so much. You will find much support here and are not alone.
  3. Desperate Sister

    Desperate Sister Not a parent

    That sounds real scary, overwhelming, and stressful.
    Make sure you take care of yourself in the midst of all this chaos.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Definitely sounds like serious drug use. medications won't help him if he's doing any recreational drugs or even drinking a lot. And anything for ADHD is abused big time by teens (my daughter was a drug addict and she shocked me with what they do with ADHD drugs--I wouldn't go there. As for bipolar medications, well, he has to be clean for them to work).
    I think you may have better luck, since he is 17, posting on Parent Emeritus or Teen Substance Abuse. Most of the parents here have younger kids.

    Welcome to the board!!!
  5. Stella

    Stella New Member

    Hi Chelle. Welcome to the board. There are lots of people on here that will be able to support and advise you.

    You really have so much on your plate, you must be exhausted. I am curious, you say that you first started noticing behaviours in your child when he was 2 years old and in your signature you say that he is a victim of abuse. Did the abuse happen before the age of 2? Or did he suffer abuse after he had already showing difficult behaviours?

    Has your difficult child (Gift from God - term we use to describe our kids with problems) ever had any intenstive therapy regarding the abuse he suffered?

    Sending you lots of ((HUGS)) and please continue to post...

  6. ShyChelle

    ShyChelle New Member

    I believe the abuse he received was after the age of two. I believe it accurred between the ages of 8 - 10 years old. I had no idea it occurred until his last in patient stay that ended last Nov. They did try to assist him with it there. He was assigned to a group that discusses it etc. When he was released he said he doesn't want to talk about it. That response I have seen is typical especially with males who have been sexually assaulted which is more of what it was. I have tried to encourage him to work with his therapist in regards to it but he resists it so much that it makes him go into a huge fit even mentioning it.

    I believe he also has abandonment issues because of his relationship with his biodad. So I am sure that feeds into some of this too.

    Thank you for your empathy. It is much appreciated.
  7. compassion

    compassion Member

    Hi Chelle. Welcome. Continue to share. Take care of YOU!!! Compassion
  8. Stella

    Stella New Member

    Wow, so your difficult child already had quite a lot of issues from a very young age and then the abuse he suffered later on has futher compounded matters. My heart really goes out to both you and your son. He really has been through so much in his life already and he's not even 18 yet. I know how difficult it is to be a (very) young, single mother let alone be a young single mother to a difficult child! Hang in there though. You are on the right path to helping him.

    I read a book recommended to me on here called The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene and found it VERY helpful. Also if you could try and get an appointment with a Neuropsychologist, apparently they are very good at pinpointing a diagnosis.

    Also as Compassion said, don't forget to look after you in all of this and try and get some time to yourself doing something you enjoy. You are not just difficult child'S mom you are also YOU.

  9. DramaQueenLucy

    DramaQueenLucy New Member

    Hi Chelle and welcome! You are in the right place.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member have found a great group. Troubled teens are the bane a parents existence. I dont know how I survived. One way was having this place to come to and vent. My kid really put me through it. I am sorry you are going through all the court/PO/school/counseling junk. It can really wear a parent down. Hopefully your son will buy a clue and come out of this in the near future. I have this theory that if we can just keep them alive until they are in their early to mid 20's they come around. My problem child is almost 23 now and he is starting to show signs of growing up...knock on wood.
  11. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Hi Chelle.... so you're the shy one of us :tongue:... guess that's why I've never seen you before. Glad you found us, it's a good place for advice, and that ear to vent to, attached to people who really do "get it" 'cause we're living it as well. Your difficult child is at the age where somehow he'll have to learn to start taking responsibility for his own future. My difficult child is almost 16 and getting to that point too. How do we help them do that? I really don't know LOL, so I search for advice for that too. Welcome to the site :bigsmile: {{{HUGS}}}
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi ShyChelle, nice to meet you.
    I am so sorry about your son and his abuse, and lack of progress.
    If he goes to jail, you will have to advocate for medical care for his thyroid condition. Thyroid issues can mimic other things, or make things worse, so if he's got a mood disorder, you'll have to deal with-the thyroid first. Good treatment may even clear up a lot of things.
    He's got a load to carry and will be angry and reactive until he gets therapy for his abuse. Sigh.
    Meanwhile, I hope you can take little breaks for yourself ... sometimes just sitting on the porch, alone, with-a magazine, helps.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi and Welcome from a fellow Okie! This is a great board, full of lots of support and wonderful people. I know that support from here saved my sanity many times!

    I have to run, but wanted to welcome you!