I have not read everything, so excuse me if I ask something already answered.
First of all, I am neither against or for homeschooling as a general rule. I have homeschooled my older two at various points and had them attend school at others. NOTHING is right for every kid all the time. Or every person. When I first started homeschooling Wiz, I decided that every semester or roughly every six mos, we would take a look at where we were, what was good and was wasn't about the situation for that child. If it would help to enroll him, that would happen. If t would help to pull him out to homeschool, that would happen. Homeschooling is incredibly hard on the budget and honestly, if you are a single parent I don't know that it is a rational choice. I don't know that it isn't, but I do know it must add a huge amt of stress.
Are you involved with a homeschool group? If not, why not? They are pretty easy to find, just google your town's name and homeschool and you should get some groups that pop up. Many seem to want you to sign a declaration of faith, at least in my area, but that is a very personal choice. We have some who don't ask that also. A homeschool group gives you a LOT of resources and help, and often make a big difference.
Now on to autism. sorry, I know you don't want to hear this, but he sound a LOT like he could be somewhere on the autistic spectrum. This is NOT the autism of old, where the child doesn't react to the outside world at all. If you know someone with a disorder on the autistic spectrum, you know ONE person on the spectrum - and many others on the spectrum will be vastly different.
Autism is NOT a hopeless diagnosis. It is not an illness, like bipolar. Some autistic symptoms are greatly helped by medications, some are not. My difficult child, Wiz, is a easy child now. He has Asperger's syndrome, a type of high functioning autism. He couldn't live iwth us, needed to be the only child in a household (gee, ya think they could have told me this BEFORE I had 2 more kids? lol, sort of). He went to live iwth my parents, about 15 mn away from us, when he was a young teen because he was very violent when he didn't get what he wanted - even if what he wanted would make him very ill. I had to think of the safety of the other kids, and it was a really tough decision.
Wiz is now almost 20. He is in his sophomore year of college and has a 4.0 gpa. He is involved in other activities and works TWO jobs - one on campus and one at a grocery store where he can do almost every job if they ask him to. I know that he will most likely NOT need supports to hold a job after college. Lots of hard work made taht a reality, and it isn't a reality for every kid on the autistic spectrum. But it is for MY kid on the autistic spectrum.
The thing is, to have a chance at a future like that? You have to get the help and supports he needs NOW. While it might seem that he would get more attention and better help at a private school, unless that school is devoted to kids like him, it just is not reality. I interviewed between 15 and 20 kindergartens for my son - public and private. Every single private school let me know that they couldn't handle him. One teacher even begged me not to enroll him there - she could not handle a five yo who could read chapter books like animorphs along with kids who barely knew their colors. We had been alerted by his montessori daycare that he would have real problems because he was just so far ahead and he would be bored.
Public school offer difficult kids a LOT. Your son has the right, by federal law, to an IEP (indiv educational plan) if he meets certain criteria. A developmental pediatrician, neuropsychologist and/or child psychiatrist will be the people to evaluate him and help you get those. If you read on the sp ed forum, you can find out the ways to get an IEP and the accommodations/supports your son needs to succeed and learn. I know you don't want to label him, but those labels open doors and can get a LOT of help.
Private schools do NOT have to offer ieps. I am not saying public school iwll be great, or that all private schools are awful - lots depends on teh school and employees, but you have a LOT more ways to help your son in public school than in private. You also don't have to pay extra for those supports in a public school.
One thing that I think would HUGELY help your son, regardless of where he is educated, is to be evaluated for sensory integration disorder. That is the name for when the brain doesn't handle sensory input right. there are a LOT of things that can help. I would strongly encourage you to have the PCP give you a referral to a private Occupational Therapist (OT). Schools do have Occupational Therapist (OT)'s (occupational therapists) but their evaluation focuses ONLY on what would impact school live, not how it would impact every area of his life. School Occupational Therapist (OT)'s are also given directions/incentives to not find problems - not because they don't want to help but because budgets are tight. A private Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation that finds a lot of problems can mean that the school Occupational Therapist (OT) has to help and it gives the school Occupational Therapist (OT) a way around whatever off-the-record instructions have been given to not find problems.
There is clearly something going on with your child. It does NOT mean you are a bad mom, or did anythng wrong. It just means you have to figure out how to help him. Kids do well when they are able. There is clearly something going on that keeps your son from doing well, in my opinion.
First of all, I am neither against or for homeschooling as a general rule. I have homeschooled my older two at various points and had them attend school at others. NOTHING is right for every kid all the time. Or every person. When I first started homeschooling Wiz, I decided that every semester or roughly every six mos, we would take a look at where we were, what was good and was wasn't about the situation for that child. If it would help to enroll him, that would happen. If t would help to pull him out to homeschool, that would happen. Homeschooling is incredibly hard on the budget and honestly, if you are a single parent I don't know that it is a rational choice. I don't know that it isn't, but I do know it must add a huge amt of stress.
Are you involved with a homeschool group? If not, why not? They are pretty easy to find, just google your town's name and homeschool and you should get some groups that pop up. Many seem to want you to sign a declaration of faith, at least in my area, but that is a very personal choice. We have some who don't ask that also. A homeschool group gives you a LOT of resources and help, and often make a big difference.
Now on to autism. sorry, I know you don't want to hear this, but he sound a LOT like he could be somewhere on the autistic spectrum. This is NOT the autism of old, where the child doesn't react to the outside world at all. If you know someone with a disorder on the autistic spectrum, you know ONE person on the spectrum - and many others on the spectrum will be vastly different.
Autism is NOT a hopeless diagnosis. It is not an illness, like bipolar. Some autistic symptoms are greatly helped by medications, some are not. My difficult child, Wiz, is a easy child now. He has Asperger's syndrome, a type of high functioning autism. He couldn't live iwth us, needed to be the only child in a household (gee, ya think they could have told me this BEFORE I had 2 more kids? lol, sort of). He went to live iwth my parents, about 15 mn away from us, when he was a young teen because he was very violent when he didn't get what he wanted - even if what he wanted would make him very ill. I had to think of the safety of the other kids, and it was a really tough decision.
Wiz is now almost 20. He is in his sophomore year of college and has a 4.0 gpa. He is involved in other activities and works TWO jobs - one on campus and one at a grocery store where he can do almost every job if they ask him to. I know that he will most likely NOT need supports to hold a job after college. Lots of hard work made taht a reality, and it isn't a reality for every kid on the autistic spectrum. But it is for MY kid on the autistic spectrum.
The thing is, to have a chance at a future like that? You have to get the help and supports he needs NOW. While it might seem that he would get more attention and better help at a private school, unless that school is devoted to kids like him, it just is not reality. I interviewed between 15 and 20 kindergartens for my son - public and private. Every single private school let me know that they couldn't handle him. One teacher even begged me not to enroll him there - she could not handle a five yo who could read chapter books like animorphs along with kids who barely knew their colors. We had been alerted by his montessori daycare that he would have real problems because he was just so far ahead and he would be bored.
Public school offer difficult kids a LOT. Your son has the right, by federal law, to an IEP (indiv educational plan) if he meets certain criteria. A developmental pediatrician, neuropsychologist and/or child psychiatrist will be the people to evaluate him and help you get those. If you read on the sp ed forum, you can find out the ways to get an IEP and the accommodations/supports your son needs to succeed and learn. I know you don't want to label him, but those labels open doors and can get a LOT of help.
Private schools do NOT have to offer ieps. I am not saying public school iwll be great, or that all private schools are awful - lots depends on teh school and employees, but you have a LOT more ways to help your son in public school than in private. You also don't have to pay extra for those supports in a public school.
One thing that I think would HUGELY help your son, regardless of where he is educated, is to be evaluated for sensory integration disorder. That is the name for when the brain doesn't handle sensory input right. there are a LOT of things that can help. I would strongly encourage you to have the PCP give you a referral to a private Occupational Therapist (OT). Schools do have Occupational Therapist (OT)'s (occupational therapists) but their evaluation focuses ONLY on what would impact school live, not how it would impact every area of his life. School Occupational Therapist (OT)'s are also given directions/incentives to not find problems - not because they don't want to help but because budgets are tight. A private Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation that finds a lot of problems can mean that the school Occupational Therapist (OT) has to help and it gives the school Occupational Therapist (OT) a way around whatever off-the-record instructions have been given to not find problems.
There is clearly something going on with your child. It does NOT mean you are a bad mom, or did anythng wrong. It just means you have to figure out how to help him. Kids do well when they are able. There is clearly something going on that keeps your son from doing well, in my opinion.
