Newbie.....son stealing from us

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by M445, Mar 14, 2015.

  1. M445

    M445 New Member

    I am new to this forum but am at a loss with my 16 almost 17 year old son. He has been caught stealing from cars and has has divergence program including substance abuse and anger management counselling. His diagnosis is ADHD and CD. He refuses treatment or counselling.
    My question for today is can I punish him for stealing money and prescription drugs from me even though I did not catch him in the act or found the money or drugs?
    He continues to deny. I have turned his phone off and told him I am taking the money from his paycheck until it is paid off ( we suspect 250$ was taken). I have told him if he comes clean and tells me what he took we will work out an easy payment plan and his phone will be turned on.
    He says I have no proof and denies and will call the police on me if I take his money.
    Since I didn't actually see him taking the money I am questioning whether I should take it back from him or not.
    I could use some advice.
    Thanks in advance.
  2. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

    Hello @M445. Welcome to our little group.

    Your son is really putting you in a tough situation. He knows he has you in a difficult spot because you have no real proof so he's taking advantage of that.

    I definitely think there should be consequences for behavior like stealing money and prescription drugs but I'm unsure if he could really call the police. Hopefully someone will come along that has more experience with this type of situation than I do.

    I'm really sorry your son is putting you in this position. It has to be very frustrating for you.

    I'm going to move your post to our General Parenting forum where we discuss parenting issues like this.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome M445,
    It does sound like a really tough situation. I definitely think the consequences are reasonable. He definitely can't do anything about the phone since you are paying for it. I'm also not sure about the money piece-will he give you the money from his check? Sending some general hugs your way.
  4. M445

    M445 New Member

    Thanks. So glad I found this!
  5. M445

    M445 New Member

    Thank you!!! Need them
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is your home, not a court of law. If he wants to call the cops, he can leave with them. that would be my stance. I had a child who threatened to call child services on us. He was told he was welcome to, but his bags needed to be packed first, and only with what was HIS, not what I provided like his clothes. He would be leaving with them if he EVER called them. I even wrote the number down and offered to dial it. He never called because he knew i was not bluffing. esp once i explained that it meant he was leaving the family and that included his grandparents. No, my parents would NEVER have gone along, but they would have been furious if he called and they at least pretended to agree with me during that time (in no way was he being abused - he just didn't like rules or consequences.)

    I would tell him that he is the only one who could have done it and unless he can prove he did not, he has to pay back the money. If he refuses to give you the money, take his electronics and any jewelry to the pawn shop. He is 16 and a MINOR, meaning he does not legally own ANYTHING. YOU own it, he does not. He can get it into his head that you are serious or else he can leave. do NOT fall for the 'need proof that stands up in court' line. You are not in court. You are a family and you are the leaders and you make and enforce the rules. Period. don't let him bamboozle you!
  7. M445

    M445 New Member