next steps.....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ColleenB, Jul 1, 2017.

  1. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Son has been out of detox for almost three weeks, and so far it's been OK....he had a slip but seems to be doing better than before he went.

    He plans on moving out and signed the lease on an apartment last night. He is moving in with another guy who we don't really know well, but after Facebook and Insta stalking actually seems ok compared to previous friends. He has actually gotten son out and hiking and swimming, which is new. Son used to love being outdoors and being active, and that had pretty much stopped, so we are happy to see him getting outside and being active again. The funny thing is that this young man's parents live behind my in laws, and they called us this am all upset they saw son there last night, as they don't like this guy's parents. I do remember now the mom and dad yelling and swearing at their kids, and being sad for the young boys. My husband went to high school with the mom, and said she has always been that way.

    We haven't told our husbands parents what has been happening with our son, as father in law is a recovered alcoholic and my mother in law would be devastated. Son doesn't want them to worry, so we have kept it from them, as well as my grandparents who also adore him, and think he can do no wrong.

    Isn't it sad how my in laws are judging this young man due to his parents actions? I think he must be resilient to have grown up in a home like that and to be doing photography and working, as well as being health conscious and active. I am hopeful he is a good influence for my son. Son was supposed to move in with a different young man, who he says now is a big drinker and son has decided he can't live with him. So we are hopeful. At the very least, we will be ignorant to his actions and it really is better at this point. He is a young man and nothing we have done or said makes a difference.

    We are leaving for two weeks, and as much as I hate leaving him, I have to go away. I need a break, and I think he does too. He has to find his own way, and I can no longer pretend that by being around somehow he makes better choices. It is all in his control. My husband and I need some time away, to just relax and enjoy our lives. We are meeting up with my mom and my sisters young family, and my sweet nieces and nephew are such healing balm to my hurting heart. They are such a joy, and I want to savour this sweet time with them. We all know how quickly things can change.

    So at this point, I am trying to really let go, and let him make his mistakes without my critical eye watching every move he makes. He really is a kind and sweet soul and I hope he can find some way to remember who he is separate from his addiction and mental health issues. I know he will never be who he once was, as none of us are the same after being touched by the evil of addiction, but I have to have hope he will find his own, new way to at least a life he wants to live, and one we can live with.

    take care all .....xoxo
     
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  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My daughter is the same as before after addiction. I dont agree with you. Your sons brain is on drugs. When he no longer is, i believe he will be the young adult he would have been without drugs. I think WE may never be the same...it is more a trauma to us than them. I really believe that.

    Glad your son made a sound choice in a roommate and enjoy your time away. Not enjoying yourself will not help your son


    Have a blast!
     
  3. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    Colleen you and your husband have gone over and beyond to help your son. He will find his way in his time. Its time for you and hubby to take that needed break, and let go and reclaim your lives. Please enjoy! Hugs.
     
  4. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Have a wonderful trip.

    I am trying to pull away too because we do not have control of his actions. He struggles them he advances them he has a stumbling block. It is so hard to watch it makes me ill at times. I wish so could afford to move out. He has been imsuccessful in finding sober young friends, girls are safer. Lol.

    Live in your peace moment, they are precious!
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Enjoy your trip Colleen.

    I am hopeful that my son will be his old self someday for good as SWOT mentions. He always was in between his substance abuse binges. We always thought it would be the "last time". It never was.

    Having him out of your home will make it easier on you. It has saved me from a nervous breakdown I think.

    Having them home under our nose doesn't help them make good choices; in our case absolutely not anyway. Our son did NOTHING. He is working now and figuring things out in sober living. I wish to God he could do it at home but I'm afraid to ever try that again.

    I am really learning how to be happy in spite of what he is doing. It's always there but it's gotten better for me. I guess it's detaching? I'm so thankful for that.

    It sounds like your son's friend could be good for him. That is odd about his family but there are so many dysfunctional families that have great kids...and the other way around!!

    Enjoy your trip with hubby and extended family! You deserve it.
    :4thbouquetsmily: