No idea you existed!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by littlefoot, Jan 22, 2008.

  1. littlefoot

    littlefoot New Member

    I've been having problems with my son who is 15 now, but ever since he was 5. In the last 2 and a half years it has really escalated that he has spent alot of time off and on in detention. Offences were for truancy and destruction of property at home. I (mom) was the one to press charges suggested by the police in order to get more help from state services to help get him an education. Finally diagnosed with mood disorder -bipolar - also genius IQ - psychiatric recommended Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and medications. CPS was against Residential Treatment Center (RTC). They want to do Family Preservation first, where they come to the house 4 days a week to see how things are going. They say wait too long to get into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - he'd be in detention while he waits for placement, so I said ok for FP. Son's been on Depakote for 5 days now. FP supposed to start today (my son knows nothing about this) anyways - they never showed up. I feel betrayed now and that it was only a show for the courts that they cared and sorry I said ok to this. I'm not sure Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is the right answer, but psychiatric feel history of what my son and I have gone thru together for so long (being trying to manage his behavior) limits us on his rehab because son blames me for EVERYTHING. At times I see medications kickin in and at other times no. He also has a body image problem which limits him and thinks hes having laser surgery on Friday to remove every little tiny spot on his face, neck and arms. He doesn't know yet I'm calling the Dr. to tell him no but when he finds out - guess what will happen. You guys know. His probation officer, GAL, my attorney and the judge will not be happy to find out CPS did not show up as promissed, as they were leary also but CPS begged us to give them a chance to "save" my son, as they put it. Anyways I'm just telling you this because no one except one and a half people know about my problem with my son. That is a co-worker and a very part time boyfriend (helps relieve stress - my son knows nothing about him). My family has no idea. They don't know how he is. He never goes to family gatherings. Can't get him too. Courts were all boohoo that he was in detention over Christmas - I told them don't cry too much - all he does on Christmas day for last 2 years is sit at home and wait for the gifts to come to him. I know what your thinking. No he did'nt get the gifts.:redface:Thanks for listening.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Welcome, sorry you need us but glad we're here for you.

    I can't speak for your system, ours is different. All I can hope is that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) comes round soon and the judge sees CPS as the time-wasters they seem to be in this case. Unless they turn out to have a good excuse?

    Others will be along soon with a better understanding of how you need to go from here.

  3. littlefoot

    littlefoot New Member

    Thanks for responding. I am almost in tears when I read some of the posts because I honestly thought I was alone in this fight and almost going crazy. The judge, probation officer and GAL finally saw what I was going thru at home when my son was in court and they saw how he reacted to not getting his way. Each time they had to have 2 to 3 guards remove him. I told them thats why I call the police 2 times a week - because he doesn't know how to act when he gets an answer he doesn't like. Also as with me he always promised I'm sorry it will never happen again. The last time he said it to the judge again as the judge was walking out and the judge stopped and turned around and the look on the judges face was as if to say "oops, I just made a mistake letting him go". But this is what I deal with every day. Promises that change back and forth within minutes. I not only feel crazed but suckered. I know my son can't help it, and I try patience and understanding of the disease, but I have to say no to his behaviors and thats where the battle begins. Whats funny is I work at a residential behavior center with schizos and bipolars but they are medicated, behavior planned and I have backup if they lose control. At home its only me. I have been at home stuck in a spot for 2 to 3 hours while he tries to convince me of his point or downgrading me as a mother and telling me everything that is wrong with me. I wouldn't mean it to go that long, I just thought any moment he would wind down and stop. Before I know it, it would be 2 hours later. Thats when I would have to call the police just so he would run away and leave me alone. They got to know the routine after awhile.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Just wanted to pop in & offer you my welcome. I hope that a good treatment facility is found for your difficult child soon.

    Sometimes CPS will get in the way just because there are no beds available at existing RTCs & know that's next on the list of things "to do".

    Keeping fingers crossed for you & your difficult child. It sounds like he needs the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) along with the skills training & medication management given his age.


  5. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Sending you hugs to help you along this journey. I hope they get him placed quickly.

    I do not have much input for the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement, only to say my difficult child had a bed ready to go at one and her attorney and GAL got her out of it and into weekly intensive home family therapy sessions. We had these visits for almost 6 months and went through 4 counselors because the counselors would get promoted to a different job at the county.
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi Littlefoot! Welcome to the group! There's a lot of knowledge, tons of understanding and a wealth of information here.

    I think the best part of it is that there's not any judgement (sometimes discussions get lively, but I chalk that up to all of us living this grind day in and day out!).

    In the end, I'm so glad you can join us!

    I know he's 15, but have you tried reading "The Explosive Child" by Ross Green? He puts a lot of stuff in perspective, and it's an easy read (not a lot of "technospeak") and he gives some good suggestions.

    Again, welcome!

  7. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    Isn't it amazing that I thought the same thing! Who could possibly understand what is going on with my child when all of my friends kids are "perfect"! Welcome, glad you found the group- and, yes, we all get it now, that's why we're here - you are not alone by any stretch of the imagination!!!
  8. Calista

    Calista New Member

    We've all been there done that. You will get more understanding and ideas from this place then anywhere else in the world. This site is truly a Godsend. What you have to understand about CPS is that they are overworked with twice as many cases as they can handle and underpaid to the point of burning out in a year or two. It is rare to find a long-term CPS employee. Most of the people who work there are fresh out of school and are using the job as a stepping stone of experience to move on to bigger and better. Not to say that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is definitely the answer either. Has the school done anything to help? Have you ever had a complete psychiatric/nueropsych evaluation? Are you just beginning with any kind of treatment or have you tried lots of different things? I agree with NVTS. The Explosive Child is definitely helpful, at any age. That is just a beginning though. Don't worry. There will be others to come along with more suggestions.

  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sorry CPS turned out to be a bust. I don't have a high opinion of them anyway, and they stay away from us because I know the laws that they don't!

    Goodness, gracious, he sounds like my bro with the 2 hour lectures/yelling sessions. I had no help with them until I was an adult and told him I would call the police. Sometimes you ahve to do it. And keep doing it.

    So very glad you found us, it is a wonderful supportive place to be. Judgement may be part of your off-line life, but it won't be part of your on-line life here!!! We are a pretty fab group, lots of help, been there done that advice, and hugs and prayers!!