No word, and feeling worried

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Elsi, Aug 20, 2018.

  1. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    So, my son is on the streets - as far as I know - and hasn’t contacted me for days. When we last spoke he sounded in despair. I encouraged him to look into sober living houses and gave him a couple places he could call. He said he couldn’t do that, he wants to stop drinking and taking hard drugs but he ‘needs’ the pot because it helps him manage his anxiety. I told him it doesn’t seem to be doing a very good job, and suggested he might find he feels better without it. I’ve read studies that seem to suggest that pot has a rebound effect for people with anxiety that actually makes it worse over time, even when it seems to be helping in the short term. He said I may be right but right now the short term is all he can manage. I asked him to please promise me he wouldn’t hurt himself and he said he didn’t think he could promise that right now. He didn’t ask for anything from me, didn’t ask to come stay here, and I didn’t offer. I told him I loved him and believed he was capable of figuring this out. He said that meant a lot but he wasn’t sure if I was right. No tantrums, no demands, no blaming. He just sounded ...resigned. Since then his phone has been off - he uses the kind of phone where you pay for minutes up front, and it is often off. I have no idea where he is and have no way of getting in touch with him. I don’t know who his friends are anymore, or if he even has any left at all. He is closest to his sister (my other difficult child), but she hasn’t talked to him either. So I’m just waiting to hear, and worrying. I keep thinking -what if he does hurt himself? What if he gets hurt or killed on the streets? I don’t have a specific question, I guess. My heart is just hurting, and I can’t seem to quiet my worried mind.
  2. Heavy hearted

    Heavy hearted Member

    1st of all, my heart goes out to you. I only know that I had to turn everything over to God. I was making myself sick with worry. It was affecting my husband, my daughter and my job. It doesn't get any easier, but a calm has come over me. I keep reminding myself that my son had every opportunity to get help and turn his life around. We supported him ( and yes we did "enable" him) to the point where he was taking advantage of me. I never knew if the money I gave him was being spent on drugs or actual groceries and gas. I came to realize, I was only hurting him by enabling him. When we ask him to leave the house, he put up one mighty verbal fight. He tried to make us feel guilty by doing what we had to do and asking him to leave. When I would talk to him, some days the blame on us was still there and he took no ownership of his problems. Other calls, he would be so mild and repeatedly say I'm sorry for everything. He wouldn't call for weeks. I was just like you, there was no end to my worries. Finally, I told myself that everything happening is in God's plan. I have no right to question God about his plans for my son. I just keep praying that he will be safe from harm. I hope you hear from your son soon. Hugs to you!
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  3. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I have had times when my son has threatened to commit suicide and told me how. Thank God he never carried through with it. I would sit and panic because he wouldn't answer his phone or he would call and not tell me where he was but would tell me horror stories. It is terrifying. We love them but they choose to put us through this emotional roller coaster. The one thing that got me through those times was to pray. I don't know if you have a faith that you practice but I truly believe that is what got both him and me through. My prayers are with you.
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  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    He Elsi.... Oh I have been where you are and it is awful having a son on the streets and not knowing where they are or how to contact them. I am not a religious person but the only way I could get to sleep at night was to say the serenity prayer over and over again.... God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Somehow that helped get me through... just knowing and accepting there was nothing I could do.
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  5. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I’m not very religious, but I’m trying to learn to find faith and let go.

    Good reminder - my son has had multiple chances and opportunities as well. You just keep hoping that ‘this time’ it will be different. This is the time he’ll finally be able to turn it around and get the benefit from our help. It’s hard to let go of that hope.

    I am sorry you’re also on this roller coaster. It’s hard when what little we do know is bad, and our imaginations take us to places even worse. Sometimes I feel like losing him in some awful way is inevitable. And I wonder I’ll be able to live through it. I am glad to hear that your son has never carried through on his threats. I guess as long as there is life there is hope, right?

    I have done the same. It’s hard to accept that their behavior and resulting crises fit into the ‘things we can’t change’ category. But you’re right about this. Acceptance is hard.
  6. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hi Elsi, I have been where you are many times. My son was released from prison last week. He sent a message telling me he was free and that he loved me. I replied that I was happy to hear he was free and told him I loved him. I sent another message asking where he is staying...... no response.

    I have been down this road many times. I lost many nights of sleep wondering and worrying. I finally came to realize that worrying and wondering was not doing anything but causing me to lose sleep and raise my anxiety level. I faced my fears head on! My biggest fear was that my son could die. Not only could he die, I may never know. Once I accepted this, I mean really accepted this, I was able to let it go.
    My son is 36 and for most of his adult life he has lived a homeless, wondering, couch surfing life. I have endured his desperate calls for help and the calls telling me he would be better off dead. While it's never easy to get those calls or messages I stood firm in my resolve that I do not have the power to rescue him. Oh I have tried to rescue him, I was proficient at enabling him and allowing him to manipulate me.
    I have learned that being homeless is not the end of the world. Homeless people actually are pretty good at networking and figuring out where to find food and shelter.
    I grieved for the life I wish my son could have lived. I grieved for the hopes and dreams I had for him. I let him go. I will always love him but I cannot live my life in a state of worry.

    Elsi, you have done all you can for your son. You gave him helpful information of place he can go.
    This is not an easy journey for any of us. It shakes us to our core but we can get through this. We can gain strength and resolve from this. We can go on to live our own lives and be happy.

    Hang in there!!!

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  7. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Tonya, thank you so much, and I am sorry you are in this awful place, too. Your son sounds like he has followed much the same path as mine.

    I am definitely not at this level of acceptance. How do you do it? Do you still have hope, or do you have to let go of that, too? I have thought so many times that I am likely to bury two of my children. If by some miracle they outlive me, I can't imagine what kind of life they will be living. No plans for the future, no resources saved, no real work history or skills developed, every relationship burned. I just pray they are able to turn things around before they're in their 40s, 50s or 60s. Assuming they make it that far. I don't know how to stop my heart from breaking every day.
  8. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Elsi, I read each and every word you wrote and I have lived it. So sorry you are on this wicked road. I read all the great comments and suggestions but one comment from Tanya stayed with me the most because I have done the same thing, I looked the possibility that my daughter could die right in the face and after I did that I faced my worst fear. The reason we continue to tolerate and put up with our troubled childrens abuse is because we so desperately fear their death. I have buried a son, I know what a childs death feels like, and I must admit that when my daughter was off the rails it felt worse than the death of my sweet son. My daughter is now 36 1/2 all my energy goes into trying to unleash financially from her. For the last few years she did ok paying her bills and trying to keep up, she met her 1/2 a** boyfriend and fell back to square one. I meditated on the fact that her behavior could get her killed and there is nothing I can do about it. I have leaned on God heavily, giving it all to him, trusting him to take care of it, I can't do it alone, when I genuinely let go and let God things got better for her and me. Recently I told my daughter, 'Just because I want great things for you does not mean YOU want great things for you so I am letting go of that too. I know how hard it is to let go but you have to also know some of these troubled kids enjoy giving pain and worry, they actually feel powerful from it.
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  9. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    How do I do it? Well, it really comes down to a choice. I made a choice that I would no longer operate my life living in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt). I made a choice to take my life back and live it to fullest.
    Do I still have hope? Yes, however, I do not hang on that hope. I tell people I allow myself 1% of hope. I will never give up hoping that my son will one day make better life choices but I do not wallow in it. I do not let it consume my thoughts every day. There is always hope but our adult children are the ones who have to decide for themselves to make better life choices in how they will live their lives, just as we the parents also have to decide how we will live our lives.

    Yes, I have wondered the same thing about my son. What kind of life will he have when he's 40. That's 3 1/2 years away. Bottom line, my son, just as your son, just as many like them will live their lives as they see fit. There will always be programs and facilities to help them but they have to want and accept the help. They have to be willing to put forth the effort to make the changes. We as their parents do them no favors by enabling them.

    I too pray that my son will turn things around but I also accept that this may never happen. It is what it is.

    Little by little ..... baby steps. You stop your heart from breaking by taking your life back, I mean really taking your life back. Self love is key. Do not confuse self love with being selfish. Self love is taking care of YOU! Self love is taking care of our physical and emotional health. For me, the better choices I make about what I eat have helped me to "feel" better and have more energy. I also do things that bring me joy.
    What are some things that you enjoy doing that you haven't done for a long time? What are some things you have always wanted to do?
    Taking our lives back sometimes means redefining who we are. For so many years we have been defined by our role as "MOM". Yes, we will always be mothers but we are so much more than that.

    Each day Elsi, do one thing that is just for you. Simple things, buy yourself some flowers, go for a walk in the park, take a drive in the country, rummage through an antique store (one of my favorites), get an ice cream cone, volunteer, take a nap.
    Each day, little by little keep the focus on you. This does not mean that you stop loving your son or daughter, it just means that you are not defining your life by them, you are not allowing them to hold your emotions hostage.

    I didn't get to this place of acceptance overnight. It took time. Had I found this site all those years ago, I probably would have done it sooner.
    Acceptance also does not mean that I still don't "worry and wonder" I just do not let it consume me. My son will continue to live his life the way he chooses regardless of how I feel about it.
    I choose to live my life to the fullest that I can.
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  10. Heavy hearted

    Heavy hearted Member

    well said Tanya M! Blessing to all out there traveling the same road.
  11. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I also travel this road. I have been sleepless many nights wondering what my son was doing and where he was at. His last girlfriend was a bipolar drug addict. They fought and spent a lot of time in jail for domestic abuse. Both of them!!

    It is extremely hard to detach, but you must! You can learn to detach and meditate for relaxation without being religious.

    (((hugs and prayers)))
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  12. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    It really helps to hear from all of you and know I am not alone on this path. I wish NONE of us were on this path. Thank you all for taking the time to give me your words of wisdom.

    Newstart, I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine your pain and I am in awe of your strength. Thank you for the reminder that just because WE want better for them doesn’t mean they want it for themselves.

    I’m trying! Some days are better than others.

    Good advice, Tonya. I try to do this. My partner and I have created a very calm and peaceful home and I try to not let too much drama enter. Our rescue animals take a lot of care and give me something to focus on besides my pain and worry. I find working with animals so soothing - they don’t ask for much, are (mostly) grateful for what you offer, and are always utterly themselves. No judgment, no guile, no lying, no manipulation (ok, maybe a little manipulation from our dramatic husky). We have our garden and spend a lot of time outside. We’re fixing up the house and making it ours. We cook healthy meals from the garden and exercise. You’re right, I need to keep my focus there, and not on the things I have no control over. It’s hard not to feel selfish when I focus on myself, but my kids are all grown now so I’ve earned the right to focus on me for a while. Thanks for the reminder.
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  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    The other side of the coin, is manhood. The only thing that counts here is his relationship in himself, what he decides each minute in terms of how to live.

    Until he is in integrity with himself he cannot promise you anything, with integrity. That he acknowledges this is meaningful. I see a lot of potential for positive here. He is coming to terms with the power of the addiction, and its hold on him. He may not be ready yet to tackle it but to me it sounds as if he might be close.
    I am in exactly this situation: my son left our town to go to a large metro. As far as I know he has no friends left who will take him in. I am assuming he is on the street. I will not call him.
    The thing is ANYTHING could happen. Good or bad. But this is ALWAYS the case.

    For me, what it comes down to is the relationship with myself. How I deal with fear, pain, regret, etc. How I respond, within myself.

    For me, there is prayer. I dedicate myself to do things that help take my focus away from him, and into myself, where I have a chance at some peace.

    This will not end soon. It may momentarily get better. You and I will get phone calls. And feel some relief. But there is really no respite from this, except that which we give ourselves by finding support, doing things towards recovery. It is this very same lesson that our sons are learning.

    Take care.

    Try to do things that will nurture and feed you.

    I am studying a foreign language, in a community college class online. It is actually mesmerizing. I am filling myself up with learning letters in an alphabet I do not understand and singing children's songs to learn. Please think about a few things you can do for you.

    Our hearts and minds cannot live in them. We have to find ways to get back into ourselves.
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    Last edited: Aug 21, 2018
  14. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Dear Elsi

    Much of the time when I post, I talk to myself, as much as I do to you. I try to be strong, even though I am weak, and very scared, and very sad. I find the voice inside of myself that can be what I need to be. I do not want you or anybody to feel I have this licked, because I do not.

    This is the only way we can get through this. Is to use each moment's agony to try to catapult to strength, to resolve, to heart, to courage.

    And pray that our sons can do the same.

    I fortify myself this way, that each time that I resist falling apart in relation to my son, and in relation to myself, that he can model that in how he responds within himself.

    That is my prayer.
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  15. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Your post is heartbreaking, Elsi. I guess more so because I could have written it myself. My son also battles alcoholism. He was on the streets for several years, then completed a year-long sober living program and graduated from that in June. Two days ago he left his step-down program. I know if he doesn't return to a support system he will soon be back to homelessness. Apparently his hard work over the past year means nothing.

    You and your son have a bond and a mutual respect that really comes through in your post. I'm so sorry you can't save him. I'm sorry that none of us can save our wayward children.

    For some reason it's even more sad to me when they accept that from us and resign themselves to the lives they have chosen. Then our defenses are down, and all that is left is acceptance of the way things are. It's less of a toll on our mother's hearts to have our defenses on high alert.

    I hope you hear from your son soon. I hope he finds the strength and desire to keep trying, to find a reason to live a better life. I hope you find peace.
  16. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Oh Albatross. I try to defend against my heartbreak and here it is.
    I do not believe this. Not one bit.

    But I do believe this. I believe that his alcoholism serves a function for him. One that apparently he is unwilling to give up, yet.

    I can only understand it vis a vis my own compulsive behavior. I zone out shopping, mostly online shopping. Ninety nine percent of what I buy is junk having no relationship to my life or priorities. What I am trying to say is that I habitually buy garbage. I enter into this zone when I feel stress and despair. It is how I avoid feeling. It is a highly destructive way to avoid bad feelings. I know this. But I do not care. At the time I do it, I only want to escape. I even feel shame, writing this, but this is true.

    I went for a long time when my buying was controlled. But then again when my son went off the rails, I followed him. And I had to obliterate myself.

    The money I spend, I need. Or if I didn't need it, my ethics would guide me to donating it to people who could use it. What I do disgusts me. But what I am trying to say is this. I have strived to be a good and productive person my whole adult life. Yet I do this thing.

    Does it mean what I have done in my life over and above this compulsive and destructive behavior, has no meaning or importance to me or anybody else? Of course not.

    Your son. How is he different than I am? Cannot the two things exist at the same time, that he and I try to live meaningful lives, but we fall off the wagon, because we choose not to deal with feelings or because we are afraid?
    We cannot save our children, but we can continue to believe that they can and will save themselves. This is a choice.

    I am trying to tell myself that every moment I can live in the present, which is to be able to stay in myself, without hiding, and doing some constructive thing. And to do this is to create possibility not just for myself, but for him. There is the belief in my faith, I think I am remembering it right, that through prayer energy we are able to create the world that we would want.

    To me, the destruction of my child's life, or even his continued sadness, is the worst thing in life I can imagine suffering. I am faced with this. My son has a mortal illness and he is not treatment compliant. I know that there are dozens of mothers who deal with this same thing, in different ways. I get strength from you, and I feel your strength. We can hold this pain, if we are together, and turn it into something else. Courage.
    I do not think it is so cut and dried. I think each of us chooses our life every second. And every second we can renew it. A life path is not like a sidewalk.

    Recently I became reacquainted with the paintings of the artist Kandinsky. I found him again because I am trying to come up with a garden plan based upon the golden rectangle or spiral. And up came his paintings. Apparently he used this mathematical formula as a design template for many of his works. I looked closely at a number of them, and saw the common underlayment of this design principle.

    But when you look at each one, each painting except for stylistically, they look different. The look like a jugglers balls. Like almost random. In their variation.

    But there is order.

    Your son's life, too, has order. Even though it may look like chaos. We cannot know what the order is for them, our sons. It is for them to live through the choices, and meaning of their lives.

    For the longest time, even on this board, I tried to impose my order on my son. My design template.

    I am coming to accept that our sons are living in relationship to the cosmos, or the Divine, and there is order there. I believe that. And just like Kandinsky with those random-seeming elements in his paintings, they can find it through their lives.

    For me, that is the way I can understand detachment. I can go to google images and I can view those paintings. And remember that what looks like chaos is not.

    I feel a little better today because there has been a little bit of contact with my son, that is within the land of the living, not a hundred percent over the edge, whack job discourse.

    Elsi. Thank you very much for sharing your thread with me.
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2018
  17. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Albatross, Thank you. I hope you find your peace as well. I am sorry to hear that your son has taken another step backward. I can't believe the hard work means nothing, though. I have to believe that they take some of what they have learned with them each time. Someday perhaps he will be fully ready ao apply it.
  18. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Oh, I hope you're right. Sometimes I think that he is making progress. There is definitely more maturity there, less blaming and more taking responsibility for his own choices. He talks a good game, says all the right things. It just doesn't seem to translate into making changes for himself.

    I know what you mean. I am doing the same. Thank you for sharing the wisdom you have gained along your path.

    You are welcome to share my thread anytime! :love_heart:
  19. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Elsi, I am so sorry for the stress and worry you are feeling. I have been right where you are so many times, not only for my two daughters, but for my grandchildren. It got to the point where I was so overwhelmed with anxiety, guilt and grief that I had to give it all to my higher power. I felt and still feel so much better after praying for my two to find their true potential, for them to be safe.
    There is nothing else I can do.
    I have no control over their choices. Their living with me was impossible, they just sank further into darkness and sucked our household in to the chaos of it.
    I could not convince them to make better choices, nothing I said or did made a difference.
    I did not give up on them, I gave in to the notion that I could fix them.
    They have got to have the want and will to live decent lives. From within themselves.
    I still have times when my heart just hurts. I think it is important to honor our feelings and let them flow through us. It is a grieving we go through of the hardest kind, because there are so many unanswered questions and thoughts going round and round. I sequester myself in these moments, allowing the grief to to work it’s way to tears and more prayer.
    If prayer is not your way, there is meditation. Deep breathing and staying present.
    One of our dear members suggested lighting candles for our wayward adult children.
    I find that movement helps me, early morning walks when the stars are shining. Gardening and going to the ocean. Posting here helps to work through the fear and worry. Most of all being kind to yourself is so important. It is a hard road we walk and takes so much out of us.
    Our adult children have it in them to make better choices. When we house, rescue, shelter them from lifes consequences, we are actually prolonging their issues. Liberating them to stand on their own two feet, to learn from their mistakes, comes from deep seated love. We are telling them that they are capable to take care of themselves.
    We will not be around forever to pick up the pieces.
    I nearly erased what I wrote below, lest it offend anyone. Because it comes from a part of me that is angry over the many years I have dealt with this.
    There are resources available for our adult kids. Instead, they would lay it all before us. It is grossly unfair to expect ones parents to clean up mess after mess, not lift a finger to help oneself, continue to numb it all away with drugs, or alcohol and excuses. This is not what we taught our kids, and it is not how we would treat our own parents.
    Our adult kids would live in comfort off of us indefinitely, if we let them. Whine about their lives, but do nothing to move forward. All that talk about not being capable, the no contact, it feels as if designed to keep us in the fog, worried with frenzied thoughts. Unable to live our lives because we are so sad and fearful for theirs.
    I am sorry, Elsi, I don’t mean to sound cold and uncaring. It’s just that our adult kids know how to “poke us in the eye.” Tug away at our heartstrings until we go right down the rabbit hole with them. Whether it be truly how they feel, or manipulation, or a bit of both, it is heart wrenching for us as parents, and, well, just plain cruel. I am sorry. I have been riding the emotional roller coaster for awhile, just wanting things to change for them.
    It would be such a relief if only my two would admit to their addiction, they aren't even in that stage yet.
    My getting off the roller coaster cannot be dependent upon their choices. I write this here to remind myself of this.
    I think this is key, not only for us, but for them. We wish for them to find themselves, to be complete. I think our doing this too, is key for both to be well. Maya Angelou wrote that words have power, I think thoughts and emotions do too. I believe we are so interconnected with our children, our stress and worry for them, takes over their responsibility for their choices and consequences. The more we allow it to infect us, the less it does them. I have often gone off the deep end with fretting and handwringing, and it is just another Tuesday for them. This may sound a bit, what is the word? Mystical? There are numerous times where my thoughts have been so intent on my two and one of them will pop up on the radar again. So, I try to think good thoughts, that they are out there finding themselves, that this journey they are on, however painful it is to watch, will one day lead them to their true potential.
    I relate it to Eckhart Tolle-
    “He stopped studying for his doctorate, and for a period of about two years after this he spent much of his time sitting, “in a state of deep bliss," on park benches in Russell Square, Central London, "watching the world go by.” He stayed with friends, in a Buddhist monastery, or otherwise slept rough on Hampstead Heath. His family thought him “irresponsible, even insane."

    Can you imagine what his family must have been going through?

    Viktor Frankl taught this
    (the media thingee isn't working-here is the url for the video- Search for meaning

    His flying instructor had said – “If you are starting east wishing to land at a point somewhere west and you have a cross-wind, you will drift and land in a different spot. So, you need to “crab” or head in the direction opposite to that of the wind so you land in the spot that you actually want to land at.”

    Frankl explained that he felt this held for people, too. If you take a person as he/she really is, the default negative “crosswinds” in our mind make him/her worse. If we overestimate people, however, we promote them to what they really can be.

    “Be an idealist, because, then you will wind up as a realist. As Goethe said, if we take a man as he is, we make him worse. But, if we take man as he should be, we make him capable of becoming what he can be.”

    ‘If you presuppose in a man – whoever it may be – that there must be a spark of a search for meaning, you will elicit it from him and let him become what he is capable of becoming.’ | Viktor E Frankl

    If I practiced this every day, then I would not be angry or upset, in despair at each new turn in my twos lives. I would not allow their circumstances to affect me so deeply, because I know they have great potential.

    Cedar wrote often that we can find mentors, such as Maya Angelou, Frankl, Tolle, heroes to look up to and find the answers we are seeking, when we cannot find them within ourselves, to help light our way through this journey. She used to post here, I miss her wisdom and hope her absence means that her life is full.

    Thank you Elsi, for bringing me back to this place. It is hard to practice when our kids are out there doing God only knows what.
    I am reminded that I have to know what my meaning is in all of this. That I can love my two to the moon and back, but it doesn't mean that I have to be so emotionally tied and devastated around their choices and consequences. That I don't have to over extend myself in trying to fix them, because they are quite capable.

    Time to get busy and tie down loose objects and be ready for whatever this storm may bring. It is relatable to what we go through with our beloveds. Their lives, a maelstrom of choices, we try to remain steady state, not allow our emotions and reactions to become caught up in the ever swirling winds of their consequences. The "what ifs" of their lives akin to the ever changing weather reports and trajectory of the hurricanes path.

    I do forgive myself for the times when I do get caught up, I am only human.

    You guys have helped me so many times when I have lost my way, come to my senses. Writing here, is a reminder that we have no control over our adult children's lifestyles, like this storm.
    But, we do have control over ourselves.
    It is a continual lesson.

    Much love and hugs to you all, and you dear Elsi.
    You are a welcome voice in our little corner.
  20. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Leafy, you have given me a lot of wisdom and a lot of great suggestions. I read Frankl years ago, but perhaps it is time to dig him out again. You’re right - I need to find meaning beyond my role as their mother, because they are grown and in charge of finding meaning in their own lives now. I can’t find it for them, anymore than anyone else can find my meaning for me.

    You don’t sound cold and uncaring at all. I know exactly what you mean.

    I’m trying to stay grounded and focus on what’s in front of me. Work that has to be done. Tending the garden. Filling bird feeders. Feeding animals. medications and snuggles for our elderly ones. I find working with our animals very soothing. I understand them. And there is a limit to how much trouble they will get into in their lives. They may knock over the garbage or steal my supper, but they don’t drink, and they’ll never call me from jail.

    Thinking of you tonight with the storms. Stay safe! And thank you for welcoming me into your corner. It’s good to be here.