Miche,
we've been in your boat, though we're not on an HMO plan so we can go out of network. It is very common not to find a GOOD in network psychiatric or neuropsychologist (I'd suggest a neuropsychologist) as a lot of them don't take insurance at all or they take a very select few. I read your thread from a few days ago (I actually joined this forum because I wanted to respond to that and logged on this am to do so and saw your post here) and I feel for the emotional position you are in right now. I REALLY do. I'll expand on my family's background in your other thread if you don't mind. Anyway, may I suggest asking your pediatrician. for a referral to a neurologist...let him know that your daycare provider as well as others believe this behavior is a component that has a neurological base and you'd like to get a neuro's opinion on it. Be firm, as great as pediatrician's are, they can be dismissive of us telling them what we want them to do...you can also ask him about a neuro psychiatric. My plan (Oxford) has no pediatric psychiatric's in network, but does have adolescent/child psychs. They have NO neuropsychologist's in network. If you can get your pediatrician or a neurologist to say you need a neuropsychologist (our pediatrician and neurologist and the preschool system did) and if you specify pediatric, specializing in YOUNG children, preadolescent, I'll bet your plan will be willing to let you go out of network.
Just a thought. Good luck. To let you know, our neuropsychologist is not in network, the initial visit was a BIG bill ($400) but it was SO WORTH IT. The subsequent visits are short and much more affordable and at intervals that help with saving...I live in a northern suburb of NYC, and believe me a pediatric neuropsychologist is hard to find, but wow was it really worth it for us. This being said, we were referred to him by my son's neurologist who has also helped us immensly with my son's behavior...asking for a referral *if you need one* to a neurologist may be a great place to start rather than a psychiatric...from there a neuropsyh is also a great plan.
Best of luck to you and later I'll reply to your other thread and maybe it will give you some hope in all of this...reading through the replies, you've gotten a lot of GREAT advice and I wish I'd found this forum before yesterday!
Michelle