Not Again!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Aug 14, 2011.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Careful what you ask, you might get an answer you don't like.........

    I asked Katie what made her suddenly *put her foot up his tush*. I was just curious, and told her so. She didn't have to tell me as really it's none of my business.

    He's in the middle of a disability claim. Yup. There it is. What for? They're evaluating him for mental retardation and a bad back.

    When she was describing the stuff about the test results wasn't just for the therapist it was for disability. They're going to send him to see some doctor to evaluation him, for everything.....part of it is the mental disorder too as she suspects he has a "mood disorder".

    Seems she's sick of doing everything all by herself, she wants him to work, if he can't work she wants him bringing in money somehow because it makes her feel guilty using Alex's money to live on. She's sick of dealing with his moods, whims whatever.

    She stated she thinks it's possible Alex got his mental retardation from his dad. Uh, no sweetheart he got it from you "dropping him on his head" repeatedly as an infant. The same place he got the cp (he's not officially diagnosed with that because heaven forbid she take him to a neuro).

    Do I buy all this? Well, I probably would have fallen for it totally. EXCEPT when I went with her to sign the paperwork for Alex the cw revealed that while they were in Dayon she'd started a claim for M.

    Oh........and toppers? Katie is determined to find the *reason* behind her "migraines" and "severe" neck and shoulder pain that goes clear down to her hand. First I've ever heard of anything other than the migraines and her pretend seizures. She's on her 3rd doctor here for this.

    How much you wanna bet she's filed for disability too?

    Just shaking my head here. I think this has been the plan at least since they got here, if not before. Gimme a break.

    I'm trying hard to believe otherwise, but it's just not working.:sigh:

    If these two get disability then the system is broken beyond repair and ought to be chucked. Because this "man" has been working on and off his entire adult life, he quits his jobs because he's lazy, not because he's disabled. ugh Just the thought makes me wanna pound my head on my desk.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Well, at least that makes a LOT more sense than her "putting her foot down" because she is tired of his ****. I am sure she has filed for disability. But you have to have WORKED for a certain number of quarters to get disability. There MUST be a work history in the last so many years or you just do not get it. Period. She is more likely filing for SSDI or whatever it is called that pays MUCH less and is MUCH harder to get.

    in my opinion it really sounds like M might have some problems. NOT enough for disability, but the way you describe him not learning could mean there are other problems. Most likely a result of long term drug use, in my opinion. He just sounds like a druggie. I wonder if letting her know that the kids would ALL get checks if he DIED if that would influence anything?? Yes, I am sure that is bad and karma may get me for it, but it is what it is. I could actually see them trying to fake his death to get those checks - WHILE he still tried to claim disability.

    I wonder if it might influence her behavior and pushing him to see doctors if she thought the kids would get more in combined checks if he died than he would get from disability/ssdi/whatever?

    It isn't surprising at all that they are trying for this. does she have the chiari malformation that you at one time mentioned? MIgraines truly can be debilitating enough to keep you from holding a job. This is RARE today though because there are so very many ways to prevent them and to treat them when they happen. ANd PREVENTION can be as cheap as $3 or $4 a month - and was even BEFORE those $4 medications from Walmart were started. At one time I took atenolol to prevent migraines and paid under $2 for a month's worth. It made me tired the first few weeks and then it didn't. It lowered my blood pressure but that was the goal. I am willing to bet the docs will want to see records of preventatives she has tried and how they have worked and how she has tried imitrex and relpax and even the old ergotamine based medications. I couldn't get disability for migraines even when I had tried 3-4 or more of each TYPE of migraine preventative, AND tried combinations of different classes of preventatives at the same time, plus took medications to treat the ones I got. I made it through college and held jobs working 50+ hour weeks and came home and raised kids and did the housework.

    Sadly, if she gets crooked docs she might get it. I have even heard of people who were drug addicts with no other health issues except those caused by their drug use getting disability because the drug addiction made them unable to work. never did figure that one out (lived in cincy when I ran across that).

    Have you actually told her that dropping her child on his head caused the problems, not anything he inherited from his dad? Did she use whatever while pregnant? I would have a hard time NOT telling her that.

    I will say it is good that she feels bad using Alex's disability $$ to support them. That is a teeny hint of a baby step in the right direction. maybe. Chances are it was started because katie has to account for where alex's money goes.

    They truly have every desire to not support themselves, don't they? I hope that Kayla at least has some ambition to have a different future. The boys, given the way they were dropped, etc.... may have no other options.

    i am sorry.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I've ran across that myself, not just addicts but alcoholics as well.

    I've called her out on "dropping" Alex on his head many times. Same with M's so called inability to read. You can't be as illiterate as he claims and do what he does on the computer. He plays tons of games that require reading, in depth reading. I've also called her out on the fake seizures I dunno how many times......and she dropped the chari malformation junk when I really burned her over it one night when I was totally fed up. Maybe she does have migraines.......most docs don't seem to think so. She has to go through several until she finds ones to write the scripts......and then they're super strict with her. As far as her migraines are concerned, wearing broken and lopsided glasses for lord knows how long, then none at all, and her teeth issues is enough to cause severe headaches all by themselves.

    She does ok for a while, then it's back to the old lies. It's like her'll get one or two with proper spelling and grammar, then the next several are full of misspellings and you're forced to decode the darn things. The girl was an average student in school, she has always in the past spelled just fine and been able to compose a letter.

    Either she lives in her own delusions or she's told these lies so long she's starting to believe them herself, or both.

    M does have "issues", serious psychological issues, but other issues as well. But he's not losing jobs due to "issues" he's losing jobs because he either gets into fights with staff or he quits or he steals out of the cash register and gets fired. While I'm aware dyslexia affects people differently.....I still have trouble believing he has it. It's an excuse, like all the rest. If he is MRDD, then he's pretty high functioning as he sure can figure out ways to manipulate people. Again, an excuse.

    He can do floor maintenance at any store, he won't apply. And I've told him time and again krogers has trouble keeping people for that position. It's not even hard work, just boring. He could be a garbage man, we have 2 local companies he could work's not a popular job, but it pays darn good......again, he won't even apply for it. It's always as a dishwasher. Katie I don't believe is applying anywhere, regardless of what she claims. When she first got here she swore she really wanted to be a nurses' aide. I lost count of how many times Nichole and I volunteered to take her to the temp co that hires and trains aides for the local nursing homes. The pay is darn good and the benefits aren't bad either. But no, she always cancelled on us. And our nursing homes are always looking for aide help.

    Yeah they're determined to milk the system as much as possible, and equally as determined not to work. If M is getting the psychiatric evaluation to attempt for disability.....maybe we'll get lucky and it will get him locked up somewhere for a very long time. I doubt it but one can dream.

    Kayla sounds like she is getting it. She's so ticked off and fed up with her parents she doesn't give them a moment's peace. Hard for mommy and daddy's long list of excuses to wash when she sees her grandparents in the same situation yet we pay our bills and we don't go hungry, or her uncle who is truly disabled still goes to school to try to work at some future point. And she's not necessarily ashamed of being poor as katie likes to keep saying either. She goes crazy over anything I pick up for her whether it's new or yard sale......and she couldn't thank me enough for the school supplies. She's seeing other kids parents and how they function for the first time in her life and now she is major POed and ashamed of hers. So yeah, I'm praying hard this is her motivation to break away from this way of life. Alex, well I'm still working on him, he functions at such low levels in certain areas that it's really difficult. Evan......I simply dunno. Katie said she hated him as an infant, so I can only imagine what her care of him was like.....I know from his sibs he was severely they described him "you could see his bones Nana". I see changes in him since he arrived. He wants to learn so bad it's not funny, the drive is really there. He picked up a lot from the cheap electronic alphabet toy I got him, so that's why I went ahead and got him the Leapster at the Goodwill, I've since found him some books for his age level that go with it. He won't put it down. He's got most of his colors down now and is doing better recognizing letters and numbers. He still can't count or say his alphabet though.

    And yeah, odds are she's already started an app for him too as she's already talking that he's just like Alex. omg
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Just sending understanding hugs. I "know" this issue because of GFGmom and the lack of morality etc. drives me nuts!
    There is always a scheme. The ears are always open to learn the "down low" on entitlements. Makes me sick and sad.
    What a life! Sending hugs. DDD
  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Wouldn't he be entitled to welfare or something like that? I doubt he's going to get disabilty because he's like 50 right? And suddenly he's walking into a p-doctor office and presenting with a "mental disorder" out of nowhere, when he has worked in the past with so-called mental disorder? My mother in law was a paranoid schizophrenic, she spent many years locked up, but she was able to work in a casino after that, as long as she took her medicine. She didn't need disability as long as she was on her medicine. Of course when she wasn't on her medicine she wandered the streets homeless...but she was very sick, she needed disabilty. This joker sister in law of yours, is weird and stupid, but he can still do some type of job, the kind of jobs he had in the past. He's not a brain surgeon and sadly can only be a dishwasher- he is always a dishwasher! He can still do that.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm not sure how disability would give it to him either, honestly. It's rather late in the game to be seeking benefits for low IQ or even learning disabilities, not to mention the mental issues. And he has held jobs in the's just as soon as some other avenue of cash flow comes up he either quits or gets himself fired so he doesn't have to work. Soon as Alex's disability went through, M magically lost his job. Know what I mean?? This has been a long standing pattern.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    SSI is what is for people who dont have the credits in from working. SSDI is the actual disability insurance that working people are eligible for from Social Security. You have to have worked a certain number of quarters in the last so many years prior to the claim to be eligible...and have eligible wages. Its a formula.

    If you are solely on SSI, from what I have been told, (and I could be wrong but I dont think I am) there are no death benefits. If they havent worked, there is nothing to draw off of. Also, I dont think a kid gets a check when a parent just gets SSI. I have never seen a kid get a check when the parent gets SSI in all my days working at Social Services and I had plenty of parents on SSI in my case load.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I think you're right there. Thankfully.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would be VERY tempted to send a letter detailing M's patterns to the local SS office. Esp as it is very clear he jsut wants to sponge off the system. He and katie likely cannot get welfare because I think there is a limit on how long you can get it - at one point it was 5 years in your adult life, period. And if you had any drug charges you were not eligible. Not sure that is the case but I knew a few families taht were cut off due to that and they raised a big stink though it didn't accomplish anything.

    Social Security has a way to report fraud and I think that is what they are trying to do. They take reports VERY seriously, even if the person is just applying for benefits and not getting them. I knew a lady who was trying to get disability and her family reported her because she was doing what katie and M are doing - same pattern of quitting jobs if they got any kind of money, everything. The fraud report kept her from scamming the system and she was just to the point of waiting for the first check -t hat big one iwth the back payments in it.

    Here is a link to the website -

    She HATED Evan? OMG, that poor kid! I cannot fathom a 5yo who is just learning his colors, boggles my mind unless there is a really severe developmental problem. It sounds like his biggest developmental problem is his parents. It floors me that she dropped any of them, much less on their heads. Did she do it on purpose? WHY? ANd not feeding a child, esp one as young as him, both she and M need to be in jail. Sorry. I know it may seem harsh but anyone who repeatedly drops a child on his/her head, esp more than one child, and who starves and infant/child and provides so little nurturing that the child is pretty much never nurtured and is so behind developmentally simply because no one interacts iwth him, well, there is a special level of He!! for them and it starts in jail with other inmates who know what you did to your kids.

    I can make allowances for a lot, but that is just way too far.

    As far as jobs, well, growing up in Cincy there was a family across our street with a daughter who was "slow". MRDD is the current term.She started working as a dishwasher at a dept store cafe at age 16. Worked there until it closed maybe 20 some years later, always as a dishwasher though she tried and tried to learn the menu to become a waitress. Even during high school there was quite a bit of time wehre she paid the mortgage on the family home because her dad was out of work. He did flea markets, etc... to pay bills, and her mom was almost as slow as the daughter, and also was illiterate. That girl could have gotten all kinds of help back then but she worked a hard job day in, day out and paid for even her "normal" brother's baseball fees, etc.... much of her teens/twenties. If SHE can work then I am sure that M can work.

    I wonder if M got so emaciated on purpose so he would look really sick when they evaluated him for disability? Drugs will get you that way, but there are docs who will take that alone as reason for disability, etc.....

    (((((hugs))))) I am so sorry that the grandkids you love have been treated this way for so long.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ok security is very difficult to get and believe me, they put you through enough hoops that you have to have plenty of medical documentation to get it. It is very difficult to scam them these days. I know it happened and probably still does to an extent but it is really difficult now. Doctors are very leery to put their medical licenses at risk for some poor shmuck on the street anymore. Then you have to get past their doctors and doors. It can be a very long and drawn out process.

    Now welfare is something else all together. Fraud is rampant. Anyone who tells you different is lying or dumb. The premise of welfare is a wonderful idea but it just doesnt work in the real world. However, you have to live with a percentage of fraud in order to provide this program. There arent enough fraud workers to stop it and it really wouldnt be cost effective in the long run. I mean seriously, are you gonna pay two workers to make sure 10 people tell the truth? That is what it would take. Can you tell we thought about this in the office a few times? LOL
  11. troubled

    troubled Guest

    I believe you Janet but someone needs to tell these difficult children because anytime a responsible and knowledgeable adult tells them something they don't want to hear it sounds to them like blahblahblah and they will say they know someone or they heard that someone got Soc Sec Ins or SS Disability with no problem.

  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh they can be convinced they can get it but it isnt that easy. They may try...but it wont just happen. I have known a ton of folks who tried for years and never got it. It took me years to get it.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My mother is the ONLY person I have EVER heard of who got it the first time through with NO problems. It was just a couple of years ago. She spent several MONTHS putting all the doctor reports from over twenty years and all the lab results from all those years and all the other stuff she had from them into order. It was astoundingly impressive and she had two three0week0long anxiety attacks as she did it. She took it all in, they asked for NOTHING else, contacted her docs who confirmed it all, and told her she had it and should have applied ten years before! But I have NEVER seen ANYONE with as much documentation or with it in the order/presentation with the indexes and everything else that she had. She could make an awesome living doing that for people but most don't have all the records she had as she throws NOTHING away.

    NO WAY is M going to have that, or katie. ANd if they get SSI then I am going to have a COW because I keep getting turned down and I am at the point where my docs are expecting my bones to just break themselves any time now. One doctor told me he was seriously impressed that the spinal surgeon was able to get the screws to fasten in because they were that bad when I had the surgery done a few years back! And I still keep getting turned down.
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Yup. It's pretty normal for SS to give people a hard time. But around here? I've seen people get it without waiting. My neighbor and her husband to be exact. She needed it at the time due to a blood clot in her groin. He was just lazy and stopped taking his seizure medications so he could get it. (she dumped him a yr or two later)

    And we all know these two seem to have this extraordinary way of getting things they should not get.

    But no, there are no records because they haven't had a real doctor in ages. They use the ER. IF they gave it to M for being mentally slow, I'll have a cow and a half. We have people who are really slow who still manage to work just fine at krogers and other places around town........and these folks are way below his level of functioning. Granted it may be to subsidize what they get from disability, but I dunno because they're always working when I go into these places.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If you make a fraud report it will likely scuttle their chances of getting it. Although M's emaciated state may be considered reason for him to get it - and suspicious me thinks it may be the reason he has gotten so thin/sickly looking. He may have purposely found drugs to make him look that way in order to get disability, sick as that is!