Not really sure where to put this....

[mstang67chic]

...but as it's about difficult child and school, I'll put it here.

difficult child just walked in the door, took one look at me and asked if Mrs. T (his teacher of record) told me.

Great...what now.

Seems that difficult child skipped all but last period at school today. He wouldn't tell me why, all he said that he had a reason that is embarrassing and he'll talk to husband about it.


Oooook.


So now, I'm torn between being mad and giggling because I have a sneaking suspicion what his reason is. Do you think I should ask if he used a condom?


Ugh. I really shouldn't giggle. I'm fairly sure that if my suspicion is correct, this was difficult child's first time. At 19...I can live with that. However....he's 19. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the girl was at least 18 or has (this sounds horrible) parents who won't press statutory rape charges. As soon as he hit 18, husband and I made sure he understood what could happen should he have a relationship with someone underage. Anytime I hear about him hanging out with any girls, I remind him. The last time I made sure I told him that it could possibly get him convicted of child molestation and what that would entail. (registered sex offender, limits on where he can live and work, etc.) Keep your fingers crossed that he had a moment of common sense.

 

[AnnieO]

ALL DAY?

Oh yeah, he's 19.

I think it belongs here. Be disappointed that he snuck around to do it and giggle to yourself. Then put Trojans on the grocery list.

 

[DammitJanet]

OK this could get to be a really funny thread...lmao. I remember when Cory came rushing into the yard yelling "I just got a BJ!" He was 14! Then at 16, after this rather overweight girl who kept pursuing him came to the house and "caught" him, well, he walked with a limp for a week or so. We teased him unmercifully for months about how he must have done something wrong because the man isnt supposed to hurt HIS hips...lmao!

He hid whenever that girl came back...lol.

Ahhh....the joys of parenting boys. I could make your hair stand on end.

 

[mstang67chic]

Please don't Janet. That would just make all my white hairs stand out more.

 

[mstang67chic]

Yep....I was right. husband got home from work, went to difficult child and said that he heard difficult child wanted to talk to him about why he skipped school. difficult child sounded all proud of himself and said that he had a good reason and then announced it. I think he actually thought husband was going to congratulate him for skipping school to do this! School started here on the 13....TWO weeks ago. So far, difficult child has missed 2 days. Doing really good for his THIRD attempt at senior year.

 

[DammitJanet]

Sooo...are we to assume he is going to get his degree in sex ed? LOL. Does he want to be a porn star as his future career? I hear they are hiring as a head lice picker at some XXX rated nudie bar. That might be a good job for him...LOL. The possibilities are endless with this.

Ahhh...so he is finally becoming a man. He will be a brat for a while.

 

[mstang67chic]

Thanks Janet...that's so encouraging.

 

[lizanne2]

Wow....... I am the mom of a teen boy and I don't know if my difficult child would even tell me......
And to skip school? I am certianly in denial:
I kow at our school an excused absence is different than an unexcused absence.

So, who is writing the note to the attendance office? That could be a good one!

 

[busywend]

Certainly no reason to skip school. But, I guess I could see him going over the pros and cons....oh what the heck - what boy wouldn't pick that over school or any other responsibility?

I hope husband makes it clear that he is not allowed to skip school for any reason ever. And then has a nice talk about this monumental moment in the boys life.

 

[mstang67chic]

I'm not writing any kind of note...he'll just have to take (another) Friday school for it.

As for husband's talk...he did good. He basically told difficult child he didn't care WHAT his reason was, he needs to go to school. Period. Before husband said that, difficult child's tone was happy and proud...after...not so much. Like I said earlier...I think difficult child expected to be congratulated. I still don't know who the girl was but I'm hoping she's 18.

 

[DammitJanet]

I love it...happy and proud. Well, at 19, I guess he would be thinking you would be thrilled. That is on the older end to be honest. I am throwing a huge party when it finally happens for Billy...lol. I have a feeling he may be the next 40 yr virgin. Cory has been trying to fix him up with anything that breathes for several years now and Tony has been threatening to take him to a cat house since he turned 21. LOL. Now, Billy wont even get into a car with Tony alone on his birthday...lmao.

 

[totoro]

EEGADS! Funny and funny in a mad Mom kind of way!
I am kind of glad I don't have boys. BUT I would throttle my girls if and when...
You should sneak condoms in his pockets, drawers, backpack anywhere! He-He

 

[Kathy813]

Wow . . . I will never ask any of my students why they missed my class again!

~Kathy

 

[DDD]

I'm proud of your husband. VERY proud of your husband. I don't know your husband but
I'm assuming that he did some quick thinking before responding in the right parental way. Way To Go, husband. DDD

 

[mstang67chic]

Kathy....

DDD....thank you. I'll pass that along!

 

[1905]

I'm laughing at you ladies because my 17 soon to be 18 year old was promised by husband A CAR, if he "gets a girlfriend". He's a nice kid, but kind of quiet....and my 15 year old- 16 next month will share it if he gets good grades. LOL! He doesn't need help in the girls dept, but he does need good grades. Living in a house with all boys (men), the things they say... girls would never, ever say things like this to one another! I can't believe some of the things I know about them. on the other hand, I think being open and joking about certain things will make it easier to talk to husband about "stuff"

 

[mstang67chic]

Hmph. No one ever promised ME a car if I went out and got "a boyfriend". :2dissapointed:

Gee....wonder if that's because I'm a girl??

 

[Marguerite]

Here's something to share with him...

Yes, it's great (for him) that he no longer feels he needs to wear the tag "virgin" around his neck (such a shame it ever became a stigma, in the same way NOT being a virgin was a stigma before 1970).

OK, he's had the experience. Maybe he didn't want to miss the chance for "the first time", but form here on he has to realise - his ultimate aim should be a long-term stable relationship, not a series of quickies. And to that end, the girl he needs in his life as his partner, is someone who will RESPECT his choice to go to classes FIRST, and have sex LATER.

BEesides, they can always study together afterwards...

Any girl who offers sex, but won't keep the offer open while he attends to his other obligations first - she's not worth the trouble. Because if difficult child is any good as a sex object, sufficiently attractive for her to make the offer in the first place, then he will be worth the wait.

And now to study skills... word WILL get around, if he learns how to be a considerate and capable lover. It may always improve with practice but it improves MOST by study and consideration. A woman's most erogenous zone, is her mind. There is no "starter switch" and teenage boys seem to be the last to learn this.

So if he wants to revel in his new-won status as a sexual creature, then he needs to take some things on board:

1) sexual responsibility. This is not just about pregnancy, it's about keeping yourself and your partner protected from disease, illness & parasites and it's also about learning sexual manners, learning the social rules of sexual interaction. It's interconnected.

2) The law. Whatever it is in your area, it is extra complex for a bloke. Girls can look a lot older than they are and what is more, a girl wanting to be popular will hang around with older boys and lie about her age. She may be willing, she may be accomplished and experienced, she may even be the aggressor; but if she is under-age and it goes bad, her parents can cry "statutory rape!" and he's got a sex offender's tag for life.

3) Learn to show consideration for the girl. If she "leads him on" it is not always a deliberate attempt to humiliate him. A girl who is nervous and hasn't had many sexual encounters before, can get scared and change her mind at the last minute. This can be VERY frustrating for the guy and some blokes will simply say, "Too late!" and go ahead anyway. On the other hand, if he learns to show consideration, it WILL come back in his favour always, later on. Such practice will have ladies queueing for his favours.

Remember - it's not always the good-looking guys who get the girls all the time; no, it's the little weedy nerd in the corner, licking his eyebrows...

Now, if you can share that with him and keep a straight face, you have qualified for the Graduate Diploma in Paretning a Teen Male!

Marg

 

[mstang67chic]

Oh heck no!!! THAT conversation is on husband. LOL

Actually, we kind of tag team. husband handles the guy stuff and occasionally, difficult child will come to me when he wants to know the female side of stuff. You know...things like "Dad said girls like it when you scratch/belch/fart in public. Is that true?"

No difficult child, that is not true.

But Dad does it!

Yes, but he didn't when we first got together. It's not like a mating call for men.




That's pretty much how things are handled here. But those types of things are always discussed....husband makes sure he tries to instill a code of ethics on how to treat females.

 

[Marguerite]

I get the bloke vs sheila stuff. We do tat a bit too, but in some areas, I make a point of talking about it because I don't want my kids to avoid talking about it with their partners/friends of the opposite sex. I also like to use the embarrassment factor as an extra hammer to drive the point home. There's nothing so embarrassing to a teen, to go condom shopping with their mother, who calls out from the next aisle, "Honey, do you want ribbed or non-ribbed? And what flavour? Don't get banana, it tastes awful!"

A friend of mine (who, after being single for decades, now has a visiting male lover) had her newly married daughter offer to tidy up her house for her. Daughter changed the sheets on the bed and opened up the wrong drawer (from her own point of view) to discover her mother's vibrator collection, including a recently acquired space-age technological marvel.
"I didn't need to see that," she told her mother later. "I don't like to think of my mother buying those things."
"I didn't buy it, it was a Valentine's present from my boyfriend!" said the mother, reproachfully.
"Well, I got given chocolate..." replied the daughter.
"So did I," replied the mother, "But mine came in a jar, with a brush..."
Daughter rushed off, fingers in her ears, singing "la, la, la, la..."

There is great value in this approach. Every teenager and young adult needs a good healthy dose of reality when it comes to their attitude to sexuality in oter people, especially the unexpected. It's a useful wake-up call that they don't know everything, and they DIDN'T invent sex!

Marg