Not sure what is going on with my 5 yr old son

[leighh]

I am having problems with my 5 yr old. He has been in daycare since he was 15 months old and everthing has been fine up untill the last year or so. He was having trouble in a daycare that we had him in after moving to a new town and I removed him and his brother and put them in a new daycare. I thought it might have been the daycare. Saw somethings I did not approve of. I put them both in another daycare and within a month my 5 yr old was asked to not come back....... He would throw severe temper tantrums and they were just not tolerant of that at all. I chalked it up to just not being the right fit for him. I left my other son there -- he was doing fine. I found another smaller daycare at a church for my 5 yr old. He did beautifuuly there for about 6 months. Now and for the past 3 months or so he is about to be kicked out of this daycare. They are really trying to work with me but I have to go get him early at least once a week because of his behavior. I have taken him to his pediatrican and she agrees with me that he is not ADD/ADHD -- he sits still - he has no problems focusing on one thing. HE only acts out at school. He will not listen to teachers and seems to really freak out when he is put in time out. He has horrible temper tamntrums when he thinks he is not getiing his way. It's not that he is doing anything out of the ordinary behavior wise - it's just when he is corrected and not allowed to continue to do what it was he was doing he FREAKS!!!! He is sent to the office and he kicks at the door to get out. He does not do this to this extent at home. Sure at home he has his moments but he is not out of control like he is at school. He will throw tantrums and we will send him to his room where he will rant and rave and cry and all that goes with it but he eventually calms down. I have tried over and over to talk to him about being a good boy at school and he assures me everyday that he will be and that he wants me to be proud of him........ but in the heat of the moment he loses it and even when I pick him up he will tell me he was good and then his teacher will say the opposite. We have tried every punishment possible -- He stayed in his room every night for almost a week. Nothing seems to work! I have tried rewards, sticker charts --- you name it. He is a good kid with me - he gets along with neighborhood kids - he listens to me and my husband -- sometimes you have to sit and have him look you in the eye -- but he gets it at home.

My pediatrician has recomended a child psychologist but we cannot get in to see her for 2 months - by that time we will be ready to send him to Kindergarden.. I need something I can do NOW!!!

I don't think he has sensory issues -- he might -- he has a few quirks --- he likes his socks pulled all the way up - because he doesn't like them wiggly????? He eats fine - a bit pickey but not so much that he won't eat.
He does cover his ears when he flushes the toilet - but never to any other sound.

I am just at a lose - I hate to keep punishing him everyday when it is clearly not working. How can I get him not only understand he has to be good -- which I think he does --- but ACTUALL put it to practice.

 

[SRL]

Hi Leighh, welcome to our forum.

If a child has been raised in a stable environment with consistent (note I did not say perfect ) parenting, problems like this are often indicative that something is up so I think you're wise in starting your homework.

I know there's a great sense of urgency to have things under control by the time he starts kindergarten, but most of the time it's more of a process. If traditional methods aren't working, you're going to need to look for some alternative strategies.

I have two book recommendations for you to start with. This one to help give you some background and give you some ideas of things to look for:
What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You: Discovering the Pathway from Symptoms to Solutions by Dr. Douglas Riley

This one to help address behaviors (also see the thread at the top of this board for adapting it to younger children)
The Explosive Child by Ross Greene

Also, if he's been kicked out of this many daycares, I think I'd be requesting a school evaluation at this time. You would need to send a letter to the special services department of your local public school district requesting a full evaluation. It will help get the ball rolling early if he does indeed have trouble, plus it will alert the school staff that you are proactive, which really can help down the road.

 

[jal]

Hi Leighh,

Welcome. Oh, have I been down that road. My difficult child was kicked out of 5 daycares. I lost a job of 9.5 years because of him. He had been in daycare starting at 4 months, got kicked out of his 1st one at 3 and it continued through the age of 6. He is no longer in daycare. I absolutely agree with SRL, if he is going to K in the fall, you need to get the evaluation process rolling. Check your local school district website, they may have the form for the evaluation on there that you can print off (ours did). Fill it out and send it certified mail to the Director of Pupil Services (or whomever they suggest you send it to). Sending it certified kicks off the time frame the SD has to get the ball rolling. I requested an evaluation for my difficult child the summer before he went into K. A few people (K teacher, sped, social worker) came out and viewed him in his daycare for about an hour. They told me he did not qualify, but we would touch base at the beginning of the school year. We did and they said well maybe a 504, but not an IEP. I said I'll give you 3 weeks and we'll be writing an IEP - you know what? We were. You know your child, start the process now.

My difficult child used to cover his ears with industrial toilets, too. He no longer does.

I would honestly look into a neuropsychologist evaluation rather than the psychologist to start. neuropsychologist's can pick up on a lot more than the psychologists can. SRL's recommendation on the books is a great step too.

I could swear you are writing about my difficult child. Tantrums and all. It was more at daycare and school than at home. We've done countless interventions since he was 3. In home behavior consultant, psychologist, psychiatrists and other things I won't bore you with.. Things can get better and they will, but I would definately start with the school evaluation and a neuropsycholgist's evalation. Good luck!

 

[BusynMember]

Agree with the neuropsychologist. And I'd be looking into Aspergers Syndrome. These are the quirky, smart kids who always seem to be square pegs in round holes and can not transition from one activity to another without raging. Although they are smart, they tend to need a lot of 1-1 attention in school situations. I have a son on the high end of the autism spectrum...he is 16 now, almost 17. He's still quirky, but he's doing much better than we dreamed because he got very early help and continued his interventions.

At any rate, I'd do the neuropsychologist over a Psychologist because they do intensive testing, which usually works better than the psychologists who don't test, but implement behavioral plans and often say ODD (which isn't helpful and is usually not the root cause of the behavior).

JMO