not worried, just wondering

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Ktllc, May 6, 2012.

  1. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    This question is about Partner. I am not worried but as I was talking with Dha nd my family, I realized that he does not play. By that, I mean he never picks up a toy to play with (and we have some toys!).
    He'll play outside on the swing set, climb trees and ride is bike. He will do a board game. That's about it. When asked what his favorite thing to play with is, he cannot answer.
    He could watch TV all day if we'd let him (which we don't!).
    He is a people person though, has lots of friend at school and likes to chat.
    But aren't all kids supposed to play with toys?
    Thinkig about it, he has never played with toys, even at a younger age. When early intervention came to test him at 20 month old, he really did not do good with play skills because he had never done it before. We tried to explain that he does not like this kind of stuff (stacking cups, block etc..).
    He'd much rather be outside with us and work along side of us on our latest project (truck maintenance, attend to the animals, build whatever, etc...).
    The other day, Sweet Pea was playing with her toy animals and barn and a light bulb came up: she was actually playing with them, making little scenarios (very minimal in words).
    I had never seen that! V position his toys and Partner don't even touch them.
    Any thoughts or comment on a social kid who does not play??
    I find it intriguing. He is a little adult. :)
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    I'll just say that "being social" does not negate what you are wondering. My two are very social. DD1 more so but only when it's on her terms. I didn't necessarily notice the deficiencies in their "being social" partly because I wasn't looking, and partly because we don't have all that many social opportunities. I was also raised in a socially defunct home, so it's hard to know what's "normal"

    As far as the playing thing, I only noticed that with DD1 when DD2 became passionate both "My Little Pony" between ages 2 and 3. DD1 never had such passions or interests in toys in general. At the time, I just chalked it up to her personality, but now I know better.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My son never played with toys. He would take them apart, but never played with them. He DID like our trampoline, swing, his bike (he road very early), see saw, climbing, anything sensory, but did not engage in imaginative play. Does your son like to play with other children in imaginative games (pretending to be Spider Man, for example) or is he more interested in running around with other kids, rather than that.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hmm. You may be onto something. Especially when you said he is a little adult.

    I played with-regular toys until I was about 9, and then it just wasn't fun any more. I preferred to write my own stories instead of using other people's toys and pre-made personalities. The only one who could really make playing with-toys fun was my little sister. (And she's still fun. :)
    I had a toy horse collection and never played with-it. It was my collection to look at, to be surrounded by. My mom was very worried about me and especially when she found out that her friend's kids played with-their toy horses, she got on my case about it and wanted to take me to a psychologist. My dad got on her case and told her to leave me alone. (Thank you, Dad!)

    No speech delay, great grades, no physical issues. Just one thing that bugged my mom at that time. So you have to put all the pieces together, or at least many pieces, and also see if whatever is "off" adversely affects the child. It seems like he likes being with-people, so one of the main issues with-Asperger's may not be an issue for him. Which doesn't mean he isn't an Aspie. He may just be a very lucky one. :)

    Just some random thoughts ...
  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    difficult child 1 never really played with toys either. He'd "organize" them and then leave them sit and no one was allowed to touch them. As a baby, he liked looking at toys we'd dangle in front of him but he never reached out to touch or grab them. That is one of the things he "failed" developmentally that was eventually used to diagnosis his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) now. They looked back over that stuff and realized it was obvious back then. difficult child 1 is also very sociable, with kids younger than him and with family. He LOVES activities that involve movement and sensory stimulation. He can also be almost hypnotized (for lack of a better word) by TV. As a child, it was shows with bright colors and lots of movement. Now it's shows that have a lot of action in them.

    I agree that you might be on to something. It might be worth checking in to.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I had no social problems or coordination problems. I always preferred playing with others, roller skating, biking, climbing trees and talking and talking. I do remember jacks, pickup sticks and board games. Mostly if I didn't have company I read books. by the way, although I had a favorite baby doll that slept in my bed I never remember "playing baby and Mommy" etc. Funny how life turns out, LOL. DDD
  7. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    You are right! Partner is VERY well adjusted so wether it is "normal" or not, I'll leave him alone for now.
    When he plays with other kids (like at the park where I can see it), he runs around with them and screams stuff lke "spider-monkey" (I think it's from a cartoon) and just has fun with them. He naturally makes friends but he has been around our very small community for a long time (at his scale. since he was 3) and knows everyone. His teacher says he has great imagination when it comes to drawing and writing (he is quite advance in his school work).
    What also made me wonder: at the parent teacher conference I asked tje teacher wether he should skip a grade or not. I just wanted her opinion just because family members had mentioned it. But he very well adjusted socially so I did not think it was a good option right now. She basically had the same line of thoughts and said we just have to make sure he gets more advance work so he won't get bored. Then I asked about the intellectually gifted program and she said it was almost impossible to get in but we might have to consider it in a few years. I concluded saying that Partner was bright for sure but I did not believe he was exceptional or out of the ordinary. She did not go into details but said she was not so sure and named his extensive vocabulary has an example... I had never realized it and honestly I still does not. He is my oldest so whatever he does seem normal to me.
    I guess you all kind of think of Asperger's... which is fine to me! He is a no problem child, so who cares? But it is good to keep in mind if he starts having some issues some day.
  8. keista

    keista New Member

    In my experience gifted program is easier to get into at a YOUNGER age. The child does have to be genius level UNLESS, there is an economic disparity, then they lower the IQ requirement. At least this is how it's done here, but I'm just guess int that these programs get federal funding so there may be federal standards.

    Anyway, I was never so glad to be poor. DD1 scores at 126 which is good enough if you're on free or reduced lunch. It's really a shame that they factor in economics because any kid at 126 is going to be bored s***less with the regular classroom all the time. The boy I fostered applied in the sixth grade and was denied. Maybe they forgot he was on free and reduced? But in my opinion any kid who scores in the 99th percentile on the standardized tests should be in the gifted program.

    LOL Admit it, you were thinking it too! But yes, unless it becomes a problem, it's not a problem. The smarter they are, I think, the more adaptable they are, causing it to be less of an issue. That's the way I see it with DD1.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    LOL! I just watched a clip from the Big Bang Theory about Leonard and his Mr. Spock doll. The one he isn't supposed to play with because it's a collector's item. :)
    Had to come back here and post the link:
  10. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Keista, you're lucky. Our public school doesn't even HAVE a gifted program. They don't even have "honors" classes. That's why difficult child 2 (IQ 143) is planning on sticking with online school. He can take honors classes and take more classes a year than the public school allows (7-8 vs 6). He can graduate early by doing this. At our public school, NO ONE graduates early unless they skip a grade which we don't want to do because then he misses the content that he will need for the following year. I think the reason he acted the way he did in public school was because he was so bored and learned things VERY fast and retained them so repeated work for those that needed it was frustrating him.

    Ktllc, keep the info in the back of your mind but unless problems develop, who cares. by the way, the online school I pm'd you a while back (for V) is in the process of being accredited in your state. Keep an eye out.
  11. keista

    keista New Member

    JOWZA! Tedo, poor kid was dying of boredom! At least with virtual school he doesn't have to skip, but he can accelerate! Do you at least have dual enrollment? I'm sure he'll be able to take advantage of that.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I think it just shows how many symptoms can run thru families but the line between personality traits and true Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) as in the "disorder" is when there is a problem. It is part of the old and the new criteria...and the school criteria too that it interferes with functioning, so he would never be given a diagnosis at this point.... but as you said, it is worth just being aware of. And though this is a long long way off...its worth being aware of in case he ever has children of his own with issues. He is likely also doing well because you really are so accepting and able to adapt your parenting for each one of your kids...each of whom has little (and a few bigger) interesting traits that may be flags for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), but you just get them what they need and accept them as they are. Pretty cool.
  13. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Keista, my kids can't have ANYTHING to do with our public school because they get $0 for my kids from the gov't. The online school gets the funding for mine. VERY sad to say the least. He had to give up band (baritone sax) and school theatre to go online. BUT, he is VERY happy with his choice and loves the possibilities.
  14. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Well, if one wants a distance diagnosis of autism, this forum is definitely the place to come :) I wouldn't worry, Ktllc, though it sounds as if you are not. I am sure there have been other "mini adults" in history who were geared towards responsibility and true social integration, which sounds the case with your boy, before now. It is unusual, though, interesting (to me). Play is said to be such an integral part of childhood experience and certainly I can see that in my son's life. He spends long periods involved in intensely imaginative "dialogues" and situations that he animates with his figurines when he is playing by himself and other kids and to me this is a vital exercise of early childhood. Would I worry if he didn't want to do that but just wanted to help me around the house? No, I would just see it as a particular trait of a very responsible character - but I don't have that problem :) (though J does love to help on occasion, as do most kids).
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    As you know I have a ton of kids now to watch with My own grown kids and now the grands.

    The oldest who we pretty much know is a high functioning aspie did play with some toys but they were his objects of fascination of the time period. At one point it was match box cars and he would play with them and nothing else, then it was legos, then dinosaurs and on and on. Once he could read or get into hand held video games and then computers and actual video games...that was it.

    Then my younger two actually didnt really play with their toys normally. They were my outdoor kids. Like Partner, they loved being outside climbing trees, swing on the swings or riding their bikes. We lived in the country so they could do whatever they wanted to do. I opened the door and let them roam.

    Now with Keyana we have bought her a ton of little girl toys and she will play with them for a little while. Things like play kitchens, tons of those vtech toys, coloring books, all that stuff but all she really wants to play with is her babies. She loves her babies and the stuff that goes with them. Strollers, beds, clothes. She also loves the doll house her late great grandfather got her.

    Hailie will sometimes play but mostly she throws her toys around the room. Anything you get her you can expect to be broken within a few days. Im not sure about Mikey and we have no clue with the youngest yet but she is reaching out for her
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TeDo -
    Do you have a community band?
    That often provides an alternative band experience for home-schooled kids... and they never have enough bass-line players like Bari...