My Own Adult Daughter has lied and stole from me


New Member
Hello Everyone, I have been a member for a while but never post a thread until now.
First a little history about My daughter and I. I dont know why but my daughter has always been cold and distant from me. I was a very good mama to her. She is now 30 and I am 65. She came home pregnant and lived with me for almost 4 years. Then she got married, and then she cheated on her husband and moved another boy in with her and my granddaughter. He was a recovering heroin addict. My granddaughter and I became very close. But during this time she forbid me to see my granddaughter. At this time I was going crazy bc so many scenarios ran through my mind. She broke up with him and got with this other boy. Well she did marry this one after she gave birth to my second granddaughter. Finally, after about 3 months, I was allowed to visit again. I even got to babysit the girls and I was in heaven! Anyhow, she cheated on her husband and brought in another guy into her home with the 2 girls now. Even though I was never late and was on call basically to keep the girls, I was ok with it. My oldest GD loves me and now my youngest has got to know me as well and loves me too. Anyhow, the jest to my story is this. My daddy served in the Army for 30 years and I took very good care of him and my mama the last 5 years of their life. Fast forward> The Dept of Veterans affairs has approved for the veterans to get compensated for their tours in Vietnam and getting Cancer from Agent Orange.
Around July 6 there were RED FLAGS from my daughter. She said if I THINK WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN Then mama I will buy you a 6k and a new phone.. Hmm. Then she asked me for my daddy's SS# which I did not give her. Then she sent me a picture of my daddys grave where she took flowers, and SHE NEVER DID THAT BEFORE! I called VA to ask them about a check going to my daughter instead of me. Mine and her names were similar and they didnt know and said that they made an error and did not mean for her to go to the Granddaughter, because VA DOES NOT GIVE GRANDCHILDREN BENEFITS . But they do the children of the veterans. I tried talking to her about it many times, and she kept saying that She dont know what Im talking about. Well the VA told me if she spends any of it that she will be in debt to the government and they dont play around either.
It seems to me if you havent done anything wrong then you would not have anything to hide. Well, for the last month she has cut me off, ignores my text and calls. Also ABRUPTLY SHE DIDNT NEED ME TO BABYSIT! She just keeps denying it that I dont know what Im talking about. Ive been on the phone to the VA almost daily for the month of July. They told me that they would put a tracer on it and that they will stop payment on it and reissue one out to me. I have no idea of what the future may hold for any of us.It seems like to me that they would get the check back from her being she isnt the daughter.
Any of you know anything about the VA please tell me your thoughts about this!!?? I dont know how much of it she has spends but she loves to spend money. I dont know if she is going to have some prison time? OR WILL I NEVER SEE THAT CHECK. I TOOK CARE OF MY DADDY FOR 5 YEARS . MY daddy would want me to have it. The check is for 49,057. I think what will happen is they will make her pay them back . And that I should soon be receiving the check in the mail some times this month. Thank you all and so sorry so long


Well-Known Member
I have no clue. Have you filed a police report for fraud...did the check come to your address and your name? Or did it go to her at her address?

I would say, everything I know about the VA would leave me to believe it will ge a long drawn out ordeal. And with everything I know about difficult adult will ge a long drawn out ordeal.

If it is possible to get the authorities involved, do it. Do it sooner than later. I'm sorry. You deserve to be compensated and your daughter deserves consequences.



Well-Known Member
Staff member
VERY concerning and upsetting. I don’t know , but consider filing a police report. Consider going to a VA office in person with multiple ID. You likely will need to fight for what is rightfully yours. Push forward for this. Stay strong.

Deni D

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.
Staff member
Taffy, it seems from what you are saying a check was cut for almost $50,000 from the VA that should have gone to you as a surviving child of your deceased father who was exposed to Agent Orange in Vietnam. His service in that war was heroic, and your care for him and your mother for the last five years of their lives was loving and caring.

But it doesn't matter how loving and caring you have been towards your parents during their final years or how off the rails your daughter has been as an adult. Legally that money is yours.

If she received the check by mistake from them and cashed it then that's for her to deal with when they catch up with her. I hope she didn't get it by mistake for her sake, and I hope they are able to stop payment on it and reissue it to you shortly. If it has been cashed then they should be able to tell you that and give you information about the bank and such. At that point then they should be able to direct you to how to file a report for it as being stolen. I'm being generic here because I'm not familiar with VA accounts but if you don't have an online VA account I think now might be the time to create one for yourself, with help with someone you trust if need be. Good luck and good wishes to you.


Well-Known Member
I feel your pain. Our 32 year old daughter has had 4 children, isn’t raising any of them - meth and abusive boyfriends take priority. We are raising 2 grandsons. She fraudulently claimed them as dependents on her income tax, so when I went to file electronically my return was rejected because she had already filed. I don’t know how she got their SSN’s. Anyhow, fixing the state was easy, but the Federal one is very difficult. There’s no way to talk to anyone at the IRS. We just (in August) got a partial refund, but not for the 2 dependents. We have to wait for them to contact us to see what to do next. It’s about $3000 difference, which is a lot when you’re raising 2 kids you didn’t plan to on a teacher’s pension.