klmno - I may be completely off base, but I think it's time for you to stand back and let him make his choices. It is absolutely inexcusable for him to pull this garbage. Flipping out on *you* because he's violating parole? Turning your home back into a war zone? Nope, absolutely not. After all you have tried to get in place for him, the emotional roller coaster ride you have been on for months, for him to treat you like this really burns my toast. Not that difficult children are notoriously grateful children, but.... honestly.... I'm really biting my tongue here. The boy needs a reality check, like yesterday.
You are required to report violations. Period. He makes the choice to violate. You *have* no choice.
Punching walls is violence, klmno. You do not deserve this.
This is not your fault.
I think perhaps the time for talk therapy/therapeutic parenting is over. He knows what the rules are. He will either follow them or not. You obviously cannot make him follow them. You sure as heck are *not* responsible for him choosing not to follow them. He knows the consequences. I have to wonder if he thinks he's testing you here - will Mom really turn me in? in my humble opinion, you'd best do it in a heartbeat because I think he'll keep upping the ante.
I'm sorry he's anxious, depressed, whatever. It's not an excuse to pull this. He's old enough and has certainly the experience to do better.
Sorry - I'm really absolutely furious that he's apparently completely forgotten where he's been the last year or so, *why* he was there, and that he has the gall to blame his choices on you.