I called difficult child's bio-grandmother tonight, S, to tell her that we are having lunch at the house on the 10th for his birthday and she, R (bmom) and D (half brother) are invited. Somehow, several mo's ago when she spoke on the phone to husband, and she asked how difficult child was feeling, husband thought she knew about difficult child's Asperger's. Nope. He told her about it, briefly, and then said he was on Adderal/Concerta, and I just waited for the other shoe to drop. (husband felt that she had entrapped him and she acted like she knew more than she did, and he apologized to me. Only so I wouldn't kill him.) She never called back like I expected. Well, I got an earful last night. I think I was talking to my older sister by mistake. No matter what, everyone else is wrong and whatever she found on the Internet was right. Long story short, according to S, every single thing that is listed as an Asperger trait is also attributable to adoption trauma, which can all be resolved by having her go outside with him for a little walk, (good luck with that) and tell him that he was placed with-us because they loved him and wanted a 2-parent household, not because they didn't love him. (Never mind everyone has told him that umpteen gazillion times.) She also said she thought he looked and acted zoned out when they had dinner with-us last yr at the sushi bar, and hinted that it was his medication. I told her it wears off around 3 p.m. and that he can have an attitude. "Oh, no, this was completely different. So I think he's got issues blah blah blah ..." Then she went into a religious group she joined that finds someplace in the Bible that says "the sins of the fathers go back 10 generations," so until difficult child finds spiritual peace, he will be having serious issues. I just listened and let her wear herself out (Sudoku comes in handy, as does hot apple cider and a doodle pad). The one good thing she said was that after watching her family with-D, and how much time (or how little time) R has spent with-D, and the difficulties they've had with-a single-parent household, they absolutely made the right decision to place difficult child with us. So I just thanked her for that and tried to zip my lip about everything else. There were times when she was so off-center I felt like I was talking to my cousin, P, the one with-dementia. Seriously. She never took a breath and was in her own little world. by the way, R works for Verizon and they are moving their offices from their city to ours, so she has been driving up here for a few wks. Sigh. I told difficult child that I had spoken to Nana S, and that she knows he is on Concerta, but if she asks him personal questions, it's up to him if he wants to tell her, but that he is in no way obligated to. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh! Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I'm going to go poke myself in the eye with a pencil now. Just for comparative purposes.