Observations I'm finding interesting........

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Feb 7, 2013.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    First one is that Katie doesn't want me talking to biomom.

    As you recall biomom and I get along great, always have. There has always been a friendship there. I've invited biomom to several things only to have Katie make excuses that she doesn't want to come. Now ordinarily I might not think much of it except I know biomom quite well. I don't think she even asked biomom to xmas. So I made certain the grandkids knew there were gifts for her so when they took them home biomom would actually get them. I also sent home all the leftovers so that biomom and M could still enjoy the dinner. I've invited her to join us for the crochet circle......to go to the GW outlet in dayton ect. Always is the excuse either she's not feeling well or she wants the house to herself. Both have been proven to be bogus as she's looking top of health when I drop Katie off and she is eagerly waving at me through the window or M is there in the house with her so she is certainly NOT alone "having the house to herself".

    Biomom has always been a pretty social type person who loves to shop. Holidays as far as I've been able to tell are something she enjoys. It must be hard for her being cooped up in that apartment day after day. I have a hard time imagining her walking further than the Dollar General that is about 2 blocks from them, especially since the area has some rather steepish hills to climb. This is why I invite her. She would enjoy herself and I don't mind her company at all.

    Yes, I know that is a bit odd. lol But biomom and I settled the score right after Fred and I married. I'm not a jealous person by a long shot. She cared about Fred but definitely didn't ever want to go there again. We both loved and cared about Katie. So no reason for jealousy, competition, or hard feelings to creep in........instead we became friends. It was a friendship I cultivated on purpose as in my opinion it was in Katie's best interest. And before anyone thinks that is just sainthood or some such silly thing, I grew up with a great example of how to be a fabulous loving step parent with my Dad (not bio, just my Dad regardless).

    At xmas the kids and Katie had so much stuff to carrying into their apartment and it was so darn cold that I got out to help. Katie was clearly NOT happy.....her body language was not to be mistaken. And she did her best to block the entry way into the apartment, although I was just setting things outside the door for the kids to grab and take inside......not easy because she still had to help carry things in. Biomom greeted me cheerfully and we spoke a few minutes. If body language is any indicator......I'd think Katie was ready to blow a gasket or three. And so it goes whenever I pick her up (she literally runs to the car) or drop her off.

    I'd say it's pretty clear Katie doesn't want biomom and I to have a chance to talk. Yup. Find that very interesting, I do. As I know full well that if biomom feels things are going on in that house that shouldn't be she would tell me point blank. I don't doubt that Katie knows it as well. And this whole "Mom thinks you're trying to take my kids from me" routine Katie likes to whine about..........I think that might need to be reversed a bit, more like she is probably telling Katie I need to remove the kids than the other way around. Lord knows it would not be the first time. Biomom is fairly realistic about Katie and M.......she just doesn't seem to quite know what to do about it. Personally, I have it from past reliable sources she is afraid of them both to a certain degree.......but I find it unusual that she seems to be more critical of Katie than M. (well, hell, I am too for that matter lol )

    Katie will accept invitations for various things much more readily than in the past. This texting thing is really annoying as hell though, lemme tell ya.

    The grands? Well I know Kayla knows what happened after Fred died had to do with her Dad, but unless Katie sat down with her and poured out all the details.....that is all she knows. All 3 of them act like they just up and not see family for more than a year on a regular basis........as in no big deal, just something that happens. This I noticed because of my own childhood. My mom being paranoid schizo seemed to like to target my favorite aunt......and we'd go for long periods of not being allowed to say her name, let alone see her. After a while it becomes normal, the quirky weird thing your mom does. Know what I mean??

    And M? The guy is no actor. His behavior clearly indicates he has no frimping clue what took place after Fred died. He is as friendly to me as he has always been, just as respectful ect. Now if you knew your mother in law saw you sprawled out on fb you'd think that would at least bug the man somewhat....you know, make it awkward. While I was thinking this it hit me she probably didn't say a word to him over the incidences on myspace either.

    While we're on this topic, biomom is awfully friendly to the evil step mom who supposedly "traumatized" her grandkids over not seeing them.......and the whole perv photo deal with M. I have a strong suspicion she has no clue what took place, or if she does then she certainly is not blaming me. I truly think she doesn't know though due to the way she is acting toward me. I don't know what on earth Katie told her as an excuse that we weren't seeing each other ect.......but yeah.

    I know I'm dealing with mental illness as far as Katie is concerned, and I do believe it is serious. I just have as yet been able to spend enough time with her to actually pin it down.

    She is doing better as far as parenting the kids, remarkably so.......and the more I see them interact the more uneasy I get. Which I shouldn't. I'm not the only one it gives bad vibes off to either. Some of that is how I see the kids eyes shift to their mother from time to time......it's the look on their face, I recognize that look. My sibs did it too growing up, and I'm sure I wore it more than once myself. The kids still have zero affection for their mother. Kayla puts Katie down so often that I had to call her on it and tell her to stop. (some may have to do with typical teen, and I am trying to keep that in mind) Kayla also escapes that home at every opportunity. Katie claims to know the parents where Kayla sleeps over often, but I know better. I do know the families of the ones Kayla has told me about and I think she is ok as far as her safety goes. (benefit of a small town)

    I had been thrilled to see her actively parenting the kids..........until I was reminded recently of just how strict our HUD apartments are run. If she wants to stay there she has to have control over her children and see to it that they do not destroy the apartment and that they follow every rule to the letter. I'm betting this is behind the sudden change in parenting. Because the one thing Katie keeps telling me over and over again is she will do absolutely anything in order NOT to lose her apartment. This is also the reason she has suddenly transformed into the perfect housekeeper. Or I should say M has as I have good reason to believe he is doing most of the work. I never thought about the parenting thing having to do with the apartment because even though I had 2 difficult children my kids were always well behaved that way and it was never anything I had to worry about when living there myself.

    Still trying to stay objective and keep an open mind. Still trying to cultivate a bit closer relationship with all of them. Still staying detached for the most part. As long as Katie is helping herself, I help when I can..........although mostly I just give opportunities for her to help herself better. Like Kayla was literally busting out of her jeans......so we made the trip up to the GW outlet where she could get like new name brand clothing for basically nothing. I didn't buy her or them anything, but did help her search for things.

    I will eventually manage to personally invite biomom somewhere or to something and get a chance to talk with her and catch up. Katie can like it or not, I really don't care. I have a feeling that catch up conversation is going to be a loo loo for both biomom and myself.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think you need to invent a grandmothers luncheon somewhere.