off to college and lying up a storm

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by pigless in VA, Aug 20, 2017.

  1. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Ferb is out of the house. He continues to lie about the stupidest things. What floor his dorm room is on. What his check-in time is. Today he lied about using his campus card to get food. He has stupidly been buying his food. Why? Why do that and why lie about it?

    He has court on Tuesday for his possession charge. I hope he goes, because if not, he will be experiencing the joys of jail.

    There is not enough duct tape in Virginia to stick this kid back together.
     
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  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    You know in your heart you have tried and done your best with him. Big hugs to you.
     
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    PG, I have a very bright and well behaved 20 year old grand daughter. She will lie like a rug to her mother in a heartbeat about the stupidest stuff. If you ask her why, she will tell you that she is an adult and finds all the questions intrusive so she will lie to make the point that she no longer has to share everything with her parents. It seems to be a common thing amongst some young adults.
     
  4. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    That is a strange way to gain autonomy. The result of Ferb's lying is that I do not trust anything he says.
     
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    HOw can you be autonomous if you still need money from your parents? If you need their $$, then they have a right to ask all the questions they want. If you want a life with no one asking questions, go and pay for it yourself. How is this not common sense? My parents made sure this was crystal clear long before I was college age. My brother still lied to them and they made his life very difficult. I told them the truth mostly. My life was MUCH easier and I had a LOT more luxury items. If I didn't want to tell them about something, I often said ti was a matter I really didn't feel comfortable discussing. If I wasn't adult enough to tell my mother this, I probably was not adult enough to be doing it.

    This generation of kids thinks they are so adult, but they act like 2 year olds. I hope that in time you will tie some of whatever is important to Ferb to his honesty or to something measurable. He has gotten away with murder and had you providing a fairly cushy life while he did it. I realize you had far bigger things to deal with, but at some point this is going to need to be addressed. Of course if he ends up in jail, it will mean college is off the table. Will you ask him to pay you back for the $$ you spent for the dorm and everything else? My parents would have expected that. It was one of the reasons I never experimented with a lot of things that could get me in big trouble. I couldn't afford to pay them back that much money. This is something to think about and maybe let him know later. I don't know if it will make any difference to him though.

    I am glad he is away from that woman's easy influence and grasp, but I am sorry that he is still lying to you so much. Hopefully he will grow up in college and mature quite a bit. If he continues to lie so much, I would have a financial crisis (imagined if it is not real - hope it is not real) and cut the amount of money I was able to send him. Not so much that he was unable to live, but enough that he had to be extra careful and frugal. If he stopped lying to me, I would have a financial reversal. I would not tell him what the crisis was, just that money was super tight and I could not send him as much. He can work as well as go to school to make extra money to help himself out.
     
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  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I remember being that age. i hated when my mother wanted to know every detail of my life. I certainly did not tell her everything. I doubt if any of us did. I still don't like for her to know everything that goes on in my life. There are probably things that all of us have done that would make our parents hair stand on end if they knew.
     
  7. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    susiestar, he is still seeing Mrs. W. I don't know how often. Since she lost her job, I expect she is rather bored. Her court date isn't until October. His court date is today. I yearn for a dull life.
     
  8. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    This too shall pass. Keep being the wonderful person, and parent, you've always been. He is his own person and his destiny in many respects is out of your hands. With that said there are limits, we know, to what you will tolerate and Ferb will suffer those consequences if necessary. Stay strong!
     
  9. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    All Ferb received was a $311 fine. No community service. No substance abuse class. Argh. What a slap on the wrist. Time for the chicken liver dance that the boy gets his act together for college. I forgot to say that he actually hugged Candy good-bye.
     
  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I truly hope that he meets up with some good influences and starts to enjoy his first taste of semi independent living. There will be girls his own age. Just maybe the solar eclipse released some magic ions that will fall on our difficult kids and they will miracoulsy turn into the sweet productive people we know that they can be.
     
  11. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Hey he is making it to a college that is something to be proud of! My kid hasn't even gotten a high school diploma yet.
    Re the fine it is ridiculous!!
    Re the woman. Ugh!! I hope he gets bored of her really soon.
     
  12. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    LBL, I wanted to be proud of him for going to college but he said, "I didn't even try, Mom."

    Let's hope those eclipse ions work some serious magic.
     
  13. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Ummm...given that this woman was bedding other students, do you know for certain if Ferb was using protection? It might not be a bad idea for him to get tested for STDs.
     
  14. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Excellent point, GN.
     
  15. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    He's been running wild, he's a proven liar, so there's no reason to assume he'll turn into an "altarboy" (no offense to Christians intended) now that he's hit college. I also doubt he'll use condoms. If he's got something, he needs it fixed up before he infects someone else, and he needs the concept of protection beaten into his head (both of 'em). My big concern is HIV. Though it can be managed more as a chronic disease these days, the medications have side effects, have to be taken on a rigid schedule, and are horribly expensive. In addition, if he infects someone, knowing he has the virus, he can be charged with attempted murder.
     
  16. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Well like the rest of us....all you can do is sit back and wait.

    That is what we are doing with our son.

    Waiting to see if he learned any lessons from his latest MAJOR setback.

    It's exhausting and draining.