Oh anxiety....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Ally, Apr 18, 2007.

  1. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Im full of anxiety about difficult child's release from her program on May 16th. The plan (that she agreed to at a meeting we had 3 weeks ago) was that she was to go to her dads in a northern community in BC. She can get a fresh start where she knows no one and no one knows of her reputation or has any reason to bully her. She can find a job, as they are desperate for workers,(fast food joints paying $11- $12/hr). There are 6 or 7 places within a 3 block radius of her dads house that are currently hiring.

    Since then she has had a different plan every day, all of which are unrealistic, and is refusing to go to her dads. She wont talk to me at the moment, people keep putting different ideas in her head, no one is pushing her dads, he hasnt called her in weeks (which Im sure contributes to her not wanting to go there), but there is really no other option. She asked my sister last week to go check out an apartment in the Greater Vancouver area because she wanted to move down there and would work full time and do her GED at the same time. My sister then in turn asked if she thought this was a realistic plan and she said no. This is a kid who is 16.5 and has a Grade 8 education. She isnt willing to listen to reason and it has to be her way. God forbid she would listen to reason.

    Her plan on Monday was to save her allowance ($10/week), sell her fish and get a job and move out on her own with a friend on May 18th. She wont tell who the friend is, and somehow Im thinking that saving her allowance and selling the couple of neon fish that she has, isnt going to pay her rent.

    I just dont know what to do with her. Coming home isnt really an option as its just setting her up for failure. She will last all of about 3 days before she runs away again and is out on the street.

    I just dont know what to do in this situation.

  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Ally, I don't know the laws in Canada to offer much help. Can she legally leave home at her age? Does she have a probation officer she reports to who can force her to go along with the original plan of moving to her Dad's house?

  3. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I'm sorry...I don't mean to laugh at the situation, but the thought of a kid who thinks they can sell a few neon fish and live on their own is...well, GFGdom. They never stop surprising me.

    I don't really have any advice. It's pretty darn hard to tell a 16 year old difficult child what to do. If she's heck bent on living on her own, she'll probably try it. What is more important is what are YOU going to do when/if she fails.

  4. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    does the program have a release plan for her?
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    That is a great question. Do they have anything they can set her up in? Not quite sure what program she is in, but for instance my difficult child was in a drug rehab program and they set him up in soberhousing.
  6. Ally

    Ally New Member

    The program that she is in does not do discharge planning. That is up to the PO and myself. Its very frustrating, especially when she wont talk to me at the moment.

    If/when she fails she can come home, but there are rules to be followed and if the rules are not followed then she needs to find somewhere else to live. Its not like the rules are unreasonable, pretty basic stuff. She wants to do what she wants, when she wants and doesnt want to follow any rules.

    I *think* its best that she goes to her dads, it the best chance that she has. Its just trying to get her to see that.

    I know that Ive done everything in my power to help her and now she has to figure it out on her own. Unfortunatly its going to be hard and full of issues Im sure.

  7. susiequte

    susiequte New Member

    My difficult child stepson is also very low functioning with a low IQ. He was here the other day going through some old coins he has and was going to take them to the bank to get some money. Sadly, I had to explain that most of these coins were European and now worthless as most of these countries were now using the Euro. I don't think he believed me. (We parents know nothing!) I haven't asked him how much money he got for his pile of coins...I don't have the heart.
  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    They aren't actually worthless. They can still be traded in for Euros!
  9. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Short of taking her to Vancouver and having her live in an apartment she could afford on a fast food salary, I don't know what you can do to get her to understand what the real world is like. I don't think I could afford to live in Vancouver on my salary as an office manager LOL, at least any place half decent. She's at the age where all teens think they know everything and they can go it on their own and the world will give them everything they want for the asking. Add in gfgness and it's doubly hard. Too bad there isn't a high school class, where you give the kid a fast food type job and salary, and an apartment that fits that salary, and have them live there a month alone paying all the bills, groceries, clothes etc. etc. I think it might give even a difficult child an inkling of what real world living is like on your own without high school diploma, and even secondary training of some kind.

    Hope you can get her to see that her dad's is the best option right now for her future.
  10. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Its just all so frustrating. We couldnt afford to live in Vancouver on what the two of us make together and maintain our current lifestyle. The housing prices are ridiculous.

    Im keeping my fingers crossed that she will see the light.