Sister called about 2 hours ago. Spent two hours on the phone with her practically in hysterics. She's having hysterics. Apparently dropping her "barriers" enough to fall in love with her fiancé and actually trust him brought forth a lot of compartmentalized old memories. One of those memories is of our dad molesting her for several years. She is having detailed flashbacks and the details that she remembers body markings, etc. are such that I have no reason to disbelieve her. The abuse started when she was a toddler and went on until she was in her tweens. It was like trying to talk to the child she had been in the early years of the abuse. She can't understand how I didn't know this was happening, and worse, how I didn't somehow protect her. She never told my mother for fear that my mother wouldn't believe her (and in the emotional state my mother was in during those years, she might not have), or would think she was dirty or had led my dad on. At the same time, the child she was feels my mother should have known and should have protected her. She confessed to wishing my dad dead for as long as she could remember. She hated him and was relieved and thrilled when he died at the age of 47 of what was either a heart attack or suicide (no autopsy done due to religious regions). She was begging me to tell her that this was all a trick her mind was playing on her, and I couldn't tell her that. I don't know for sure. Only a trained professional can help her untangle this mess and teach her ways of coping with either the trauma or the delusions if t hat is what these are. I'm way out of my league.I dealt with the demons left by my paternal grandfather in therapy in my late teens when I went out on my own and moved in with later to be husband. She's BP1, an alcoholic with AODA issues, currently cocaine and has started smoking cigarettes and marijuana again after fifteen years off of theose. She is off her BiPolar (BP) medications and currently not under the care of a psychiatrist. She has access to benzos and opiates (RX) as well. I listened to the screaming, validated her blaming me, without taking it on. Told her that I hadn't seen any sexual abuse, but that I had seen and experienced dad being verbally inappropriate with both of us and him being very manipulative, things I recognized at an early age as being symptoms of his mental illness that I later knew to be BiPolar (BP) and possible schizoaffective disorder. He was treated for the BiPolar (BP) with lithium but not followed properly with blood draws, etc, and his thyroid and kidneys were damaged as a result. There is some question as to my paternity, but my own MI issues make it more and more likely that dad is my bio father. I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just some vibes and validation. I feel like I've been run an emotional marathon tonight. Absolutely exhausted to the point that I am in physical pain as well as in emotional pain. I am terrified for my sisters well being. She flat out stated that she's afraid for her sanity if she cant get these feelings "stuffed back into their compartment". She's very resistant to the concept of therapy. I did explain how CBT and EMDR work, and she sounded a little more open to those, even after I told her they are hard work. She did, for the first time admit that she's an alcoholic and addict, which is something. She said that up until now, using has been the only thing that keeps the feelings in their compartments when they try to get out. I'm terrified she'll OD now that the boxes are "open" and all of this stuff is rocketing around in her heard. It sounded like she was barley under control tonight. I did manage to get her calmed down to the point of making sense at which point she informed me that she'd been driving the entire time (she was on her cell but I didn't really note that, as like me, her cell is her only phone.) She sounded sober, which was something. I'm way out of my comfort zone on this. I can be her shoulder, and if yelling at me makes her feel better, I can take that as well, but she's got to realize that I can't fix this for her. I was a damned good network analyst for 25 years. I am not a psychoanalyst. I can't help the frightened small child who feels betrayed by an older sister and mother who didn't know she was being hurt and therefore couldn't help her. Meanwhile, other than a couple of years of hellish bipolar/Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) rages in my early teens, my dad and I got along very well. He mostly raised me as the son he never had. I am now fighting to reconcile the dad I knew and loved with the dad my sister hated and feared. MY CBT counsellor? I saw her for the last time last week. She is on vacation and I'll be moved out by the time she gets back.I sent her an email with the high points and a plea for advice. She doesn't usually take her laptop on vacation, but hopefully checks her office email with her phone. My sister told me that she felt horrible whenever dad took me on a fishing or hunting trip because she 'd be so relieved to be able to sleep without fear but felt guilty about feeling that way because she was sure he was taking me away so he could molest me too. Gawd...I'm actually nauseated. I got off the phone with her and took an Ativan. It's finally kicking in. And,I'm CBT=ing memories of my paternal grandfather "taking me swimming" when I was a littile girl. Right now it feels like someone should''ve drowned this family line (my parents are related) like a litter of defective kittens and to hell with the couple of brilliant intellects tthat show up evey couple of generations. ToK Sick at heart (I'd take the kittens home, nurse them back to health and find them loving homes after they were spayed and neutered.