One Day at a Time

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Littleboylost, Aug 5, 2017.

  1. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Still cautiously optimistic. Son has had a calm week. Got up for court on his own and was on time Thursday. Made all his other regular Wed appointments Bail/Rehab gor to work on Friday. It's a long weekend and he was home clear and present by 11 pm! Went to sleep. Woke up in a clear fresh state. His health is improving significantly. No more ugly coughing fits until he pukes, no more rage out of control for no reason. Bate money not taken.
    He has a public defender assigned and I hope he sees his way to putting a plea in next time he is in court. I am tired of court.

    He is looking forward to a week at a cottage with us. This is the first time in a long time he has not put up a fuss about coming away on vacation with us. It is a cottage on a lake in Northern Ontario. We have rented for a week.
    I have slept well for 2 nights for the first time in a long long time. I wake with panic early in the morning still, but it is not as bad.
    I need to control my anxiety about him back sliding and acting out and using drugs again. It's hard, early days and the fear is always there. One day at a time.
    I found a great resource for Harm reduction therapy and spoke to an addict who entered recovery with this treatment philosophy. After many failed attempts she has been clean and sober for 8 years. She is now a harm reduction outreach couselor in Texas. It is not about allowing the addict to continue using. It is about them being in control and making decisions and allowing them to come to the conclusion that abstinence is what they need. I am still doing more reading.
    Have a safe and happy long weekend everyone!
  2. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    So happy you are getting a reprieve from the panic and dread!

    Harm reduction therapy sounds like detachment for loved ones, and therapy sounds like tough love for themselves!

    Have a great day!
  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    It is an interesting concept. It does go against the traditional 12 step approach. Which was all I really new about rehab. It's a learning curve that's for sure.
  4. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I dont think 12 steps is for everyone. I think anything that opens the addicts eyes to want to change is the key!
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Addicts quit when they want to quit and, if necessary, find their own groups. My daughter didnt want or need a group. She was ready so she quit. I know somebody who quit with just therapy...he claimed he was addicted to pot and he had a daughter and wanted to be sober for her. It took him a year of therapy to stop smoking pot, bug he did.

    My problem with harm reduction is the premise of letting them use in our house. I feel we have a right to be peaceful in our own homes. Its not just about the addict. Others suffer, maybe other kids, when this happens right in the home. Also no parent wants to see that or find drugs around. I dont think that condition is something I and some others could live with.

    I hope your son turned a corner. Only time will tell.
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  6. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I agree 100% I would not let him use in my home ever and if he continued to bring drugs into my home I would ask him to leave. He is young and that is bad for his brain development. I would prefer abstinence and I hope he sees this as well! I do also pray that this is a milestone and he has figured out drugs are not the way to live. He does not like to talk to me very much about it. So I keep it short and to the point. I tell him I love seeing your bright eyes and beautiful smile. I am so happy not to hear you cough until you vomit. I love seeing you awake in the morning. He smiles from ear to ear and is saying I love you to me again has been a while ....since I had him arrested. I know he would rather not have to deal with his charges but it was the only way we could get him to stop and attend any form of Rehab. I would do it again in a heart beat.
  7. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    These are great signs!!!
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    They are, but way too early. You need over a year. Guard your heart. It is precious. You fall too hard if you get too excited over a few days or weeks or even months of improvement.

    Its a waiting game.

    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Thanks SWOT I hear you and am staying optimistic but emotionally prepared.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thats the best way, LBL. Certainly hope for the best but guard your heart. You have been through enough and you matter too in this.
  11. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    SWOT I hear you. I started an antidepressant 3 weeks back. I was in a very dark place with onset of clinical depression after all this turmoil. I stopped doing everything I loved and was barely scraping by. I was wholly consumed with my son, his behaviour, and guilt.
    Today I relaxed and read cleaned my house with purpose and made a nice pot of Chili! I haven't cooked for pleasure in ages. Slowly getting back to me.
    This forum has helped me so so much.
    • Winner Winner x 3
    • Friendly Friendly x 3
    • List
  12. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Glad to hear things are going smoothly. I know how much it means to see them get healthier.... we are seeing some signs, but like you are cautiously hopeful.

    I work with at risk teens, those in group homes and the school system, and harm reduction can work, but often it is misunderstood and not really applied correctly in the situation. I believe in it in theory, however it is hard to apply.

    I hope you have a wonderful family trip... our son usually does well when we take him places, away from the temptations, and surrounded by family. I hope this is the case for you also.

    Take care...
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  13. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    He came home relatively early after spending time with his girlfriend. She has had her tangle with drugs. He was clean and bright eyed. One more day in the good books. I just wish he would talk to me more. Knowing he does connect with his rehab worker is good. As long as he is getting help and moving forward we are happy.
    • Agree Agree x 4
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
  14. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    Glad for these positive signs. I know that feeling and it is wonderful. Like you made it through the storm!!!

    Like many on this forum, I have been there many, many times.

    Cautious optimism is best. Don't get too high or low. I've learned that. It's tough. Guard your heart as SWOT says.

    When they are this young it is so hard. We've been doing this for almost six years now. I cannot believe it's been so long. I cannot believe this is our life right now.

    Addiction is such an ugly, dreadful, evil and horrible thing. I wish I didn't know as much as I do. I could live without this in my life.

    Hugs and we're all pulling for him!
  15. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Yup 100% son accidentally sent a text to me last night ....discussion was about buying drugs. Screaming, crying, denying, manipulating, it was a rough night. He is now on the phone to his drug was good while it lasted.
  16. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thats why you need to guard your heart. A week of good behavior doesnt mean much in addiction world.

    I am so sorry.
  17. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Me too SWOT me too.
  18. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am having a coffee and not speaking to son. Husband is handeling this situation. I am not surprised, disappointed but not surprised. Son declares he didn't purchase drugs was telling others were to get drugs. They used the term Whites in their texting. I am not use why drug that refers to but it sure is not pot.
    He swore up and down he is clean. I have him a cup and said prove it. (I have a supply of drug test kits). He has yet to produce a sample. Actions speak louder than words.
    I am not going to make any statements, my husband feels if we put him out it will only push him further into drug use. I disagree. Husband knows how I feel. So does son.
  19. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My daughter always used to bevdoing these drug deals fir other people (sigh). She wouldnt admit it was for her. When they are truly sober, they dump their drug friends and certainly dont do drug deals for others.

    I agree with you. Your son is certainly not going in the right direction in your home. Neither did my daughter.
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List