One more time

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by flutterby, Jun 13, 2010.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    difficult child 2 left home 4 or 5 months ago and has been staying with various friends. The couple of times that I talked to him, he was just completely filled with rage and determined to live life the way he saw fit, which was partying. He had gone off his medications (they weren't the right medications) a few months prior and was in full denial of his diagnosis. He was manic/hyopmanic and definitely bordering on psychosis.

    He called me Sunday evening. As soon as he said "hello", I could tell a difference. The anger is gone. Maybe not completely, but he's more calm than I have seen him in years. He said he finally got his head out of his, erm, dark place, and wants to go back to therapy and back on medications - just not the ones he was on. He claims he quit pills a couple of months ago, but I only have his word to take for that and his word doesn't go very far.

    He asked to stay with me a few days to work out a plan. I'm sure it helped that he was told he had to leave the place he was staying at on his 18th birthday, which is in 8 days.

    So, he's calling the therapist tomorrow to schedule an appointment and then will get in with a psychiatrist. There is a part of me that wonders what the hell I am doing, but he's asking for help and he seems as sincere as I've ever seen and I have to give him the opportunity. There's always the door if he doesn't follow the rules. (And, yes, I hid my medications before I picked him up.) we go one more time. Not sure how long he'll be here. The last time he said "a few days" it turned into a few months, but he's also not blaming his mom for everything now. I'm not in a hurry to put a time limit on it, though. I'll see how things go.
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2010
  2. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I have my fingers crossed for you. Here's hoping he will be motivated to help himself and the therapist can help get him on the right track.
  3. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I pray this is the turning point for both of you, and that he is truly motivated to change this time. I know this was a difficult decision for you.
  4. Bean

    Bean Member

    Wow. How has it been, having him gone like that and not talking to him? Has it been better for you, or a nightmare?
    I hope that things work out, and he is sincere. Hang in there.
  5. Doddlin

    Doddlin Guest

    flutterby - Oh my. My 17 year old left 2 weeks ago simply because I was going to ground him for sluffing school. He pretty much failed all year, been smoking pot, caught smoking spice on the bus 1 month ago, etc. General problems. I stayed calm when he said he was leaving. He had a friend (18) at work that he'd been conspiring with to move out this summer, so I'm sure the issue with sluffing was just an excuse for him to blow up and leave. 1 week later his deadbeat Dad saw the whole thing as an opportunity to get out of paying support and took him in. He told him, "you have to stay with your Mom or me til your 18." So, he is at Dad's. He fears him and pretty much will try to do everything he says. His Dad is abusive and violent to the women in this life (me in the past). Loud, temper, etc. So, there he is at Dads, showing Mom who is boss. So painful. I've send txt only twice. Once just to say I love you. The other to tell him his job sent his final check. (Apparently he quit). I can even look at his room it's so painful. Many sleepless nights. Joined Families Anonymous two weeks ago and it's a big help. How have you done it? Did you report him as runaway? Does your mind ever stop spinning?
  6. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    He isn't my son, however I refer to him as my second son and he refers to me as his second mom.

    He wasn't reported as a runaway because at his age they wouldn't have done anything. His probation officer was aware.

    Was it a nightmare? No, not for his mom or I. There have been so many issues for so many years and we knew he had to learn for himself and the hard way. Even therapist said it would take a hard, rocky bottom for him. It was painful, but necessary.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hopefully he will use this chance to turn his life around. He is lucky to have you. What does this do to the respite you were planning while difficult child was out of the house and at your friend's house? I hope you can still find a way to get the time to be all alone in your home to rest, heal and recharge.
  8. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    He'll be 18 in a week. I reminded him to make an appointment with therapist today, which he did. I'll help him get in with a psychiatrist and to apply for medicaid as he'll fall off his mom's at the end of the month. I'll go to the psychiatrist with him to help discuss medications.

    Other than that, I'm not going to be too involved. When he wants to talk, I'll be here. But, he's been resistant to parenting for several years now and he's going to do what he's going to do. He's decided on things he wants to accomplish for himself, and I'll help him get started, but after that it's on him. I'm not going to harp on him.

    The rules are pretty simple: no drugs, no alcohol, therapy and medications, and help around the house.

    He's a good kid with a mental illness and has learned maladaptive ways of coping. He needs to unlearn the bad behavior and learn healthy ways of coping. That's what therapy is for.

    I'm quite detached. I want to give him the opportunity since he is asking for help. But, once I help him get started he's on his own with following through.
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Big hugs. This hits a little close to home with me and M right now, so I probably don't have anything rational to say and wouldn't recognize rationality if it came up and slapped me in the face, anyway.

    I hope you all will be well.
  10. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Witz, I don't think there is much rational to it. lol When I titled the thread, I was thinking of the song "Sick Cycle Carousel" by Lifehouse and it says...."here we go, now, one more time...".

    Maybe it is a sick cycle, but this is it. This is his last shot with me. He's been helping around the house a lot, and doing yardwork and is going to get my flowerbeds in shape, which I really appreciate. I do. easy child lives here and I have to nag at him to mow the lawn. But, I still told him today that if he screws up, he's gone. He said he understands and that he's 18 now (close enough) and he's not going to get any more free rides.

    So, I'm hopeful, but only time will tell.