O
OverwhelmedMa
Guest
Hello Everyone!
I recently stumbled across your forum and so grateful. I have several close friends but none of which can relate to my roller coaster home. I feel isolated from any since of normality.
My husband has a ten year old son and an eight year old daughter from a previous relationship. There biological mother's rights were terminated almost seven years ago. She has no contact with the children. My husband and I have lived together for about a year and a half. The children never met any of my husbands dates/girlfriends prior to my relationship with him. We are recently married and still have yet to experience the wedded bliss most newlyweds experience.
Our daughter has many behavior issues which are extremely overwhelming: lying, stealing, manipulative, destruction of objects, disrespectful, temper tantrums (last for hours and sometimes days), arguing, blames others for her actions, NO REMORSE, seriously ungrateful (feels she is owed), and despite consequences the behavior continues. She is often exhibits deliberate and calculated defiance towards my husband and me. I am often the target of her angry outrages but my husband does experience them too. She does really well in school and has never had any behavior issues there.
Many of the behaviors were exhibited prior to my relationship with my husband but were never addressed. My husband used the laissez-faire method of parenting.
She was recently caught forging my signature on a school assignment and she has self-mutilated one time. She picked around her eye and from a distance, it looked as if she had a black eye. She also makes-up elaborate stories where she is the victim.
About six months ago, we took our daughter to a therapist. We have not seen any changes in her behavior and both believe she has escalated. Her therapist has never given us any useful tips on modifying her behavior or coping mechanisms. At one point, I sought out advice from an acquaintance that is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and he suggested a behavior modification plan. We put a plan into place but like any other method of positive/negative consequences; we did not see any improvement in behavior. Last Thursday, we called him because she was out-of-control and did not receive a phone call back until Tuesday of this week to confirm our Wednesday counseling session. When we went to the session, we explained the events and escalation of behavior. He suggested we use the "prison guard" method. Cut off all emotional and physical ties to the child for a minimum of 24 hours until the behavior improved. I never heard of doing such a thing with a child and was curious if anyone has heard of this?
Since we have not been receiving the level of care we feel necessary for our daughter, we have scheduled an appointment for her to be evaluated at a different facility. Next week, we have an orientation for my husband and I to attend regarding what the evaluation entails and the services that can be offered depending on the outcome of the evaluation.
Now that I have spewed a small but long glimpse into my world, does anyone have any suggestions?
How do you cope with outrages?
How do you discipline a child that has "done nothing wrong" and is not remorseful of any actions?
How do you maintain a decent environment for your child when one is on a rampage?
Any suggestions on the evaluations?
How about parenting books and websites?
I know this is a long post but any help is appreciated.
I recently stumbled across your forum and so grateful. I have several close friends but none of which can relate to my roller coaster home. I feel isolated from any since of normality.
My husband has a ten year old son and an eight year old daughter from a previous relationship. There biological mother's rights were terminated almost seven years ago. She has no contact with the children. My husband and I have lived together for about a year and a half. The children never met any of my husbands dates/girlfriends prior to my relationship with him. We are recently married and still have yet to experience the wedded bliss most newlyweds experience.
Our daughter has many behavior issues which are extremely overwhelming: lying, stealing, manipulative, destruction of objects, disrespectful, temper tantrums (last for hours and sometimes days), arguing, blames others for her actions, NO REMORSE, seriously ungrateful (feels she is owed), and despite consequences the behavior continues. She is often exhibits deliberate and calculated defiance towards my husband and me. I am often the target of her angry outrages but my husband does experience them too. She does really well in school and has never had any behavior issues there.
Many of the behaviors were exhibited prior to my relationship with my husband but were never addressed. My husband used the laissez-faire method of parenting.
She was recently caught forging my signature on a school assignment and she has self-mutilated one time. She picked around her eye and from a distance, it looked as if she had a black eye. She also makes-up elaborate stories where she is the victim.
About six months ago, we took our daughter to a therapist. We have not seen any changes in her behavior and both believe she has escalated. Her therapist has never given us any useful tips on modifying her behavior or coping mechanisms. At one point, I sought out advice from an acquaintance that is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and he suggested a behavior modification plan. We put a plan into place but like any other method of positive/negative consequences; we did not see any improvement in behavior. Last Thursday, we called him because she was out-of-control and did not receive a phone call back until Tuesday of this week to confirm our Wednesday counseling session. When we went to the session, we explained the events and escalation of behavior. He suggested we use the "prison guard" method. Cut off all emotional and physical ties to the child for a minimum of 24 hours until the behavior improved. I never heard of doing such a thing with a child and was curious if anyone has heard of this?
Since we have not been receiving the level of care we feel necessary for our daughter, we have scheduled an appointment for her to be evaluated at a different facility. Next week, we have an orientation for my husband and I to attend regarding what the evaluation entails and the services that can be offered depending on the outcome of the evaluation.
Now that I have spewed a small but long glimpse into my world, does anyone have any suggestions?
How do you cope with outrages?
How do you discipline a child that has "done nothing wrong" and is not remorseful of any actions?
How do you maintain a decent environment for your child when one is on a rampage?
Any suggestions on the evaluations?
How about parenting books and websites?
I know this is a long post but any help is appreciated.