packing and moving

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KFld, Oct 14, 2007.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Parts of me are so excited about this move and other parts of me are freaking out. This is so huge. As I'm packing I'm getting more and more angry at the things I am hearing and learning about husband and I still can't believe this is where I am in my life.

    He cheated on me after 27 years of marriage, and now I found out 5 or 6 years ago, plus more and more people I run into are making comments like, oh yeah, he tried to pick up a friend of mine years ago when he used to cut her lawn. That's why he no longer cuts it. What is wrong with him that would make him think this is acceptable behavior when you are married.

    There was a time probably around 4 years ago that he out of the blue stopped by this womens house that I used to do typing for out of my home. He just stopped by out of the blue he said just to say hi. She said he made her very uncomfortable and stopped by a few times asking her if she wanted to go out and have a drink sometime. He passed it off at the time as just stopping by to say hi to a friend, which he was never really friends with, and got all p'd off telling me she was making a big deal out of nothing and that she was just nuts.

    I have to wonder how many other incidences happened that I have no clue of.

    I can't wake to wake up in my own apartment Wednesday morning and know that he won't be coming over to get anything!!!!!

    I can't wait to come home from work at night and know he's not going to be in the driveway dropping off his work equipment or working on something.

    Thank god the grass pretty much stopped growing because he takes care of the grounds at the apartment complex I'm moving into. Now I will only see him when it snows and he comes to plow.

    Isn't that funny. My driveway never got plowed until last so I had to clean my car off and shovel myself out. Now mine will be the first to be plowed and I have a garage to park my car in.

    This is looking better and better everyday.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. I know that it hurts to learn about things he did. I am sure people were afraid to tell you because it would hurt you. I agree that he may have something wrong, in my humble opinion men do not act like this normally. You may discover this in a few years.

    Please make time to talk to your doctor.


  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Sending hugs. I know this move is kind of a double edged blade for you but try to focus on the more positive aspects of it.
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I am sorry for you. There is a sense of humiliation to think one's husband is a man *****, as opposed to just an impetous 1 time affair. It diminishes him but it disgraces his wife and children in the fall out.
    If he has truly propositioning so many women you are probably wise to go the route you are going.
    You have done nothing dishonorable regardless of the relationship dynamics. He can not say the same. Shame on him(if it is all true)
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    At least you will get your driveway shovelled this winter!

    It IS hard, when you find out all this. People either assume you already know and don't want to compound your pain, or they're scared to tell you because some women are OK with this sort of behaviour as long as they don't know OFFICIALLY - and if they DO get told, it's a case of shoot the messenger. My sister was like this - she had said to her husband for years, "If I ever find out you're cheating on me, you will be out that door so fast your head will spin." But when it came down to it, a number of friends tried to tell her and she cut them out of her life for "disloyalty" and "making up lies". When she finally DID throw him out (she caught him out, herself - couldn't deny that one) a lot of old friends who had been avoiding her, came up to her to congratulate her. Suddenly doors opened which had previously been closed - because of him, he had been such a social embarrassment.

    He had made her so insecure and feel so unworthy, that her greatest fear was of being rejected and alone. Instead, HE was the one who found himself rejected. When he announced he was now "available" a number of his 'girlfriends' shut him out. They didn't want anything serious with him, his unavailability was more important to them.

    Also, with men of a certain age - they still cannot see in the mirror, the grey hairs, the comb-over, the paunch - instead they still see the rakish young man who swept you off your feet. They think the girls are smiling at them provocatively, when in fact they're laughing.

    Karen, you're moving on well and healthily. Carry on!

  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    HI! Did you get the Halloween decorations? Hmmmmmm????

    You know, when my in-laws divorced after 26 years of marriage, my wonderful bff Mother in Law was amazed at how many people were standing in line to let her know what a "but" head HE was.

    She said that she didn't realize how much of a jerk he truly was until they started quietly letting people know that they had separated. She was getting anonymous notes left in her mailbox (she actually moved out like you are!), letters and people stopping to tell her not only what he was currently up to, but what he had done in the past!


    She was advised by ALL of them that she had nothing to worry about because his being an arse was no reflection on her.

    Cheering you on from the sidelines,

  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    my boyfriend's wife left him after 24 yrs of marriage. he was heartbroken. since then lots of folks have come out of the woodwork telling him how she bragged that he worshipped her and bought her everything... and how she was showing off the material things he purchased while also saying she was only sticking around til the kids were 18. he had no clue how many people despised her but put up with her because of him.

    it helps him heal and get over her.

    I dont know why but a lot of people are aware of affairs and keep mum. they dont want to hurt the wife or maybe they think the couple will get past it, yada yada.

    even if it hurt, I would hope my true friends would let me know if there is funny business going on so I would be able to get out as soon as possible.
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I think there are quite a few people who don't like h. Maybe not that they don't like him, but don't like things that he does and they think he is disrespectful to me and his family by choices he has made, that he seems to not think there is anything wrong with.

    He was actually pretty pleasant yesterday while he was moving the furniture for me. I was glad about that because I thought he was going to make it uncomfortable and I was a little nervous about that.

    When I went back to the house in the afternoon he showed up to do laundry just as I was leaving and he told me in the driveway that he's so sorry for what he's done to me. I didn't give him much reaction and then I got in my car and left.
  9. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I think getting an apartment is a good step for you. It will be all your own with no good or bad memories in it.

    It's awful hearing all those things ppl kept from you in the past. Been there, done that.

    Keep your chin up. It will get better.