parenting technique
- Thread starter L.A. Guy
- Start date
Guest
good one kelly!
worst-spanking because I was hurting my children, using my size and power to try to control them, and teaching them the wrong things(that hitting is okay if you are bigger).
best-mmmm, i'll let you know when i figure that one out. you may have to wait awhile :wink: . but so far, 1-2-3 magic, and consistency (say it, mean it, do it!). always following thru on what i say. and removing things/priveleges directly related to the action ie., if difficult child hits me with a toy, that toy is taken away.
del :laugh:
worst-spanking because I was hurting my children, using my size and power to try to control them, and teaching them the wrong things(that hitting is okay if you are bigger).
best-mmmm, i'll let you know when i figure that one out. you may have to wait awhile :wink: . but so far, 1-2-3 magic, and consistency (say it, mean it, do it!). always following thru on what i say. and removing things/priveleges directly related to the action ie., if difficult child hits me with a toy, that toy is taken away.
del :laugh:
krismulhollen
New Member
Worst - practicing "attachment parenting" when difficult child was a baby.
Best - Staying positive, not holding grudges toward him for times when his behavior is bad.
Best - Staying positive, not holding grudges toward him for times when his behavior is bad.
Guest
I suppose my answeres would vary depending on which child and what the behavior needed adjusting. Every situation and child needs different parenting. I do think that consistancy and following through on you threats is most important.
Least effective...waiting for the fairy godmother to swoop in, way her wond and make the word wonderful lol
Least effective...waiting for the fairy godmother to swoop in, way her wond and make the word wonderful lol
Guest
Spanking was the worst. But I was young and had always heard "spare the rod..." and when my kid didn't respond, I felt like maybe I didn't spank enough, or hard enough, to get the message through to her. So I tried being more consistent, spanking hard for every little infraction... when it got to the point where she was getting six to ten hard spankings a day and still wasn't behaving, finally it dawned on me "hey, I don't think this is working." I regret terribly having put her through all that... I just didn't know what else to do and of course spanking more was all the advice I ever got from my family.
Yelling and lecturing would be the second and third place runners-up for worst.
The best parenting technique I ever used was to just remember to be loving. Sometimes that kind of got lost amongst all the frustration and anger and applying of consequences.
And humor... I think being able to laugh together is the secret to why the kid and I have a decent relationship to this day.
Yelling and lecturing would be the second and third place runners-up for worst.
The best parenting technique I ever used was to just remember to be loving. Sometimes that kind of got lost amongst all the frustration and anger and applying of consequences.
And humor... I think being able to laugh together is the secret to why the kid and I have a decent relationship to this day.
Guest
Worst: anything that frightened them or made them afraid of me (dad is very guilty of this). It's hard enough to "reach" kids like this & bring out a rational response from them. In my experience they become extremely irrational when acting out, and screaming, smacking, or meanly lecturing just makes them tune me out and raise their anxiety level.
We are trying VERY hard to use humor, openness, letting them "cool off" enough to be rational (ie, postpone the "discussion" of "what you did"). Sometimes kneeling down & making a sad face at my three year old & opening my arms up for a hug melts him and then I can deal with him. Then he knows I'm sad about whatever happened, not furious. Confrontation is useless in our house. I go for speaking softly.
"They will only calm down when you do" is our motto.
:wink:
We are trying VERY hard to use humor, openness, letting them "cool off" enough to be rational (ie, postpone the "discussion" of "what you did"). Sometimes kneeling down & making a sad face at my three year old & opening my arms up for a hug melts him and then I can deal with him. Then he knows I'm sad about whatever happened, not furious. Confrontation is useless in our house. I go for speaking softly.
"They will only calm down when you do" is our motto.
:wink:
EastCoastChris
New Member
Worst without a doubt, was trying spanking over bowel training at 5yrs old. I'll never forgive myself for listening to that stupid bit of advice.
Best was always reminding him that we loved him. Nurturing his gifts and expecting him to treat us with respect. They are now being returned to us. Pointing out his strengths to him.
Best was always reminding him that we loved him. Nurturing his gifts and expecting him to treat us with respect. They are now being returned to us. Pointing out his strengths to him.
Guest
Worst? Argh...trying to treat him like a easy child and expecting easy child results. A number of different "techniques" go under this as examples, but I'm sure you get the picture!
Best? Compassion. Everything I say, everything I do I try to show him how to feel & offer compassion. Even if I am disciplining him, my tone is soft yet firm, and I always tell him I love him.
Best? Compassion. Everything I say, everything I do I try to show him how to feel & offer compassion. Even if I am disciplining him, my tone is soft yet firm, and I always tell him I love him.
With my difficult child spanking was the worst. He just got more agressive.
As far as the best.....nothing has really worked for us. He fights us on everything.
easy child is becoming more reasonable and will take direction better. She is also going to her room better when she has done something wrong.
Kelly
As far as the best.....nothing has really worked for us. He fights us on everything.
easy child is becoming more reasonable and will take direction better. She is also going to her room better when she has done something wrong.
Kelly
Guest
By far the worst was spanking... only made them angrier,then standing in the corner... because we had to stand there with them, and sending them to thier room ...primarily because they would just go to play, sleep, or younger difficult child would isolate.
Hummm, what works...still testing.
Had a woozie of an experience today. I asked "what" and validated their right to feel,offered possible choices they might want to consider, praised what little good I could find. I did not ask them the "why's"...today it worked. Don't know tomorrow. Oh, and addressing the behavior not the child.
I love them and their pain is overwhelming at times. I know I can't Fix It though...only help them work through it...it is exhausting work when they start peddling one after another...and younger difficult child's school councelor is starting to show some wear...
LMS
Hummm, what works...still testing.
Had a woozie of an experience today. I asked "what" and validated their right to feel,offered possible choices they might want to consider, praised what little good I could find. I did not ask them the "why's"...today it worked. Don't know tomorrow. Oh, and addressing the behavior not the child.
I love them and their pain is overwhelming at times. I know I can't Fix It though...only help them work through it...it is exhausting work when they start peddling one after another...and younger difficult child's school councelor is starting to show some wear...
LMS
Guest
Another one for spanking here.I was always saying "I'll only spank if it's a major situation (running into the streets etc....)" I didn't actually think that I'd have a difficult child who would have "major situations" all the time. Although I still rarely spanked, I still feel really bad.
The best I guess so far would be the hug. It's the only thing that seems to have any type of effect on her.
The best I guess so far would be the hug. It's the only thing that seems to have any type of effect on her.
Guest
Worst: Spanking
Best: Stumbling across the Voucher System, implementing it, sticking with it until it was no longer needed. Reading enough until I finally could put "it" all together, i.e., mental age does not = actual age, etc. Primarily setting realistic expectations and being consistent. (Still not always 100% successful with-that. lol)
Best: Stumbling across the Voucher System, implementing it, sticking with it until it was no longer needed. Reading enough until I finally could put "it" all together, i.e., mental age does not = actual age, etc. Primarily setting realistic expectations and being consistent. (Still not always 100% successful with-that. lol)
katinnwfl55
New Member
Worst - thinking I could break my son into submission with consequences whether natural,
punishments or even using rewards , charts etc back -end approach
The Greatest
a learning type of discipline,front -end approach teching thinking skills,flexibility,empathy and compromise etc
especially when you appreciate that the word discipline comes from the Latin to teach and hence the word disciple. In many cases the kids lack skills,have short fuses or need medications , so even knowing the kid's currency and really motivating the kid won't help, its like reading or typing it depends on learning skills, as Dr Greene has said Kids will do if they can. The basket approach and the collaborative problem solving techniques
found in the book the Explosive child are methods that teach the kid do what is right
Yours Natlem
punishments or even using rewards , charts etc back -end approach
The Greatest
a learning type of discipline,front -end approach teching thinking skills,flexibility,empathy and compromise etc
especially when you appreciate that the word discipline comes from the Latin to teach and hence the word disciple. In many cases the kids lack skills,have short fuses or need medications , so even knowing the kid's currency and really motivating the kid won't help, its like reading or typing it depends on learning skills, as Dr Greene has said Kids will do if they can. The basket approach and the collaborative problem solving techniques
found in the book the Explosive child are methods that teach the kid do what is right
Yours Natlem
