I read that book many years ago, it's great. That's all I can offer my son is my prayers and there is real healing in praying for someone.I am currently reading Praying for Your Adult Children by Omartian
Forgiving our son has to happen before husband and I can expect true peace and answers to our prayers.
Tanya, this part is so important. It doesn't matter if anybody else validates your reality. It was and is what it was and is to you. We need to let go of the need for others to see things our way, even if it hurts us that they could have overlooked. I have radically accepted that my reality is mine alone, but my reality is very real to me."Fearing judgment, you may be embarrassed to share your painful truth. And you may be right to hold back with people at work, or certain friends you feel won’t understand or will judge you. It’s helpful to reach out to a trusted, empathetic friend or two, but whether you can or can’t confide in others, don’t deny your feelings exist. Accept your emotions as normal in the situation."
I think forgiveness has more than one side. For me I made the choice to forgive my bio-father for the abuse he inflicted upon me and also to forgive my son for the hell and chaos he put me through. Forgiving those who have hurt me allows me to move on, to let go of the hurt and anger, to not allow the other person to hold my emotions hostage, however, it does not mean I forget what they have done. Forgiving someone does not mean you automatically trust them again, trust is something that has to be earned back and in order for that to happen the other person would have to start by asking for forgiveness followed by actions that show they are truly sorry.I'm am still not sure what "forgiving" means. I never will understand as to me it requires remorse on the part of the person you have forgiven.
It is a paper box that goes in a closet in a basement far from myself and I place old memories there and tie them up with a ribbon. That is my idea of moving on. Usually I can. Once in a while something comes up and they get out of the closet and I am my worst enemy then until I catch them again and put them back in the box. I have had to do that recently and I have.
**Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting.
**Forgiveness doesn't mean going back again and again for more bad treatment.
**Forgiveness is for us, not for them.
**Not forgiving dooms us to a life of misery and resentment and ugliness.
**Forgiveness may mean staying further away so the same thing doesn't keep happening over and over again.
**Forgiveness is something we can do all by ourselves, completely without the involvement of the person we are working to forgive.
I've been there!! I too am very careful who I share with. I've had people gossip behind my back after sharing some personal information. Live and learn.I have shared too much in the past. Our precious memories are often held against us in the hands of the wrong people.