Hello, this is my very first 5 minutes on this site. I came here because I googles support groups for parents with children who have oppositional defiant disorder. I don't even know where to start I'm so overwhelmed and tired of this. My son is 9 1/2 and in 4th grade. I was 19 when I had him and as a result of no money and trying to go to college and getting rid of my abusive b/f and my dad dying, I lived with my mom for a few years. Every time I'd tell Michael no about anything she would freak out at me and then literally turn to him and let him have what he wanted. So naturally, he determined I was not an authority figure. Well, my first husband died when I was 23, Michael was 4. He became obsessed with death, which, the therapists told me was natural, creepy, but natural. He was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD just before his 3rd birthday. He was looked at by some very special specialists I was told. Comparing him to my daughter's behavior at that age is like night and day, so I have to still agree with the DR. Anyway I have been with my current husband for almsot 4 years, married 2. Michael instantly disliked him. Neil tried to do everything right, but Michael constantly would push n push n push. Now we are so past the end of our rope with his behavior I could just strangle him. Obviously, that's not going to happen, but the metaphore seems relevant at the moment. I'm so sick of holding his hand to get anything accomplished the correct way the first time. I'm tired of his blatantly ignoring what we say for whatever reason. I'm tired of his being an angel at school and the devil at home. I'm tired of his stealing food and porking out in the middle of the night on snacks because he knows they are for everyone and not just him. I'm tired of finding rotting food hidden under couch cushions and stuffed under mattresses and in his toy box. I'm tired of his acting like a 2 year old and not the 9 1/2 year old he is. He's even started pulling his half-*****ed stuff at school. They will have assignments and he'll do one or two and leave them. "oh I forgot". He is one of the smartest kids in his class, he always tests above the district and national averages in those fun tests. I don't understand why he absolutely thrives on negative attention. He's never told me he loves me. I gave up telling him. I've even asked him, tonight in fact, if he loves me. he just stared at me. I get the "i hate you" rants that tweens n teens get. And believe me, I've heard enough of that from him, when he's been grounded from hanging with friends because he's gotten rude, lied, or flat out refused to do his chores. According to him I'm the worst mommy in the world because we don't watch tv and have game systems. I don't care. That's not the problem. I'm no where near the best parent in the world, but what do I do when there is no one to help me? What do I do when my mom is telling him it will be ok, and then she cons me into letting her have him for a month or a week, or even a weekend and he comes back worse than before because at grandma's he can do everything he wants, whenever he wants. It doesn't help the situation with my husband telling him he needs to get out and find his own place to live. It's really a childish reaction. I can't handle the screaming and fighting and power struggles. it's been 10 years and I'm drained, emotionally and physically. He literally acts just like his bio dad and I have to have such an internal struggle with myself as it is over that part. He can be a great kid when he wants to. But he doesn't ever seem to want to for me. He is physically abusive to the animals, especially when it's time to feed the dog. He is mean to his sister then sits there and lies to us about what he's doing, even when he sees me see him doing it. I've tried therapy, behavior therapy, read as many books as I could stomach (why bother publishing a book when the opening line says we don't know anything about this or what triggers it or why or even how to parent it), I've taken away toys, recess, and all kinds of things. Consequences have no bearing in his world and he even goes so far as to take toys or things he gets to school and gives them to other students. His grandma got him an MP3 player (a cheap one) for Christmas. It was gone withing a week or two of returning to school. Then he stole Neil's and fortunately I was able to get it before it, too went into some happy kids pocket at school. He's really become horrible because the school has been phenominal about partnering up with me and enforcing my rules and consequences at school. He's lost recess _AGAIN- this year, because he refused to listen to his teacher when she said you need to take this stuff home and complete and correct it (among other things, it was a big stack). The school has him seeing their counselor, and I want him enrolled in speech or at least evaluated. He intentionally (i assume) mispronounces many consonant blends or even consonant sounds. I know he can say them correctly, I've heard him do it many a time, but he knows how irritated it makes me that he speaks like a baby, so he continues to do it and it's become part of his speech habit. I live in rural WY and have literally exhausted all of the resources within my budget and driving range. He was going to this psychiatric that everyone in the region sends their kids to. Every three months we'd come back and have the same concerns, rather than make additional therapeutic appointments he just waved us on down the road. My last straw with him was when he told Michael, "you need to listen to your parents" then "see you in three months!" His dr now drives me insane, He keeps saying you need to take him to therapy. WHERE??? Where are we "needing" to take him and what kind?? There are no places that offer the kind of therapy he (and we) needs. Not here. What do I do to get him to listen? Where do I go to get information to help me be a better parent? Now he needs his medications adjusted and his dr refuses to try anything new, let alone adjust his dosage of concerta and stratera. Michael never sleeps, he looks like a racoon, and so do I because I'm constantly being woke up by the kitchen light and his climbing all over the cabinetry. I don't want to put him in foster care, but I dont know what else to do to get him the help he needs and to get the point across to him that he's not the boss. Not yet. And just because the other kids here don't have to respect their parents (oMG the kids here are rude!) or do chores doesn't mean his life is going to be all video games and candy. If anyone read this all the way down, i appreciate it. I really, really don't know what the heck to do at this point, I'm so over the struggles. I have enough on my plate right now but it's affecting my work my marriage, my parenting of my daugher, and my life. I have no one to talk to about it because none of my friends understand so why bother them with it? Help?