SuZir
Well-Known Member
I started a thread earlier this week about an argument I had with my easy child. I over-reacted to something he said, because it reminded me of my difficult child worse characteristics. I apologized later and retract a punishment I gave him. But the bigger problem remains, my easy child's resentment towards difficult child. While arguing he brought up some of it. He feels that because difficult child is a screw up, we are too strict with him now even though he has never been in any serious trouble. He also hates it that difficult child's bad reputation reflects him.
Their main sport is a same and because circles are small, everyone knows difficult child's troubles. Same in our small community. And the stealing from team mates part is considered very, very low thing to do. And apparently some people are railing easy child about it and asking his team mates how can they leave any of their stuff anywhere because they have thief's brother in their team etc. It is mostly kid stuff and they probably mostly do it just because they see it bothers easy child. But I understand he feels angry and conflicted because of it. He doesn't know if he should defend difficult child or condemn him. And it makes him even angrier. And he also feels that difficult child get away lightly because he has a talent, that he was forgiven too easily and too readily given second chance. I understand also that, while I don't agree (I believe in second chances and difficult child has had it anything but easy), but there is some truth in that. If easy child would do the same, he wouldn't be given same kind of second chances in sport, because he doesn't seem to have quite that talent difficult child has. It doesn't help that even some adults are total, I wont say what, about all that. I mean; I can take all the innuendo about bad parenting, incorrigible kid or whatever, but easy child has nothing to do with any of it. He is a good kid.
It is very understandable for easy child to be angry, but I don't like the way he dwells on it. He doesn't really show it but it seems like he is stuck with his emotions over this. We don't agree with husband on how we should handle it. husband thinks it is between the boys and difficult child's responsibility to solve it, because he caused it. I think difficult child is not able to handle the matter in any useful way and letting it just play out can cause an irremediable rift between them and not help easy child in any way. I feel that it is our duty as parents help easy child to have a handle of these emotions. Unfortunately I'm not sure how to do that.
difficult child will soon have several weeks time off from team. He has to practice and will have quite a lot work to do with that, but it is independent work so it is partly vacation for him. He doesn't have exact plans yet but he is likely to spend some extended time, two or three weeks here at home and while I very much look forward to it, I'm also afraid this thing between easy child and difficult child may blow up and it can be quite nasty.
Any advices or experiences how this could or should be handled?
Their main sport is a same and because circles are small, everyone knows difficult child's troubles. Same in our small community. And the stealing from team mates part is considered very, very low thing to do. And apparently some people are railing easy child about it and asking his team mates how can they leave any of their stuff anywhere because they have thief's brother in their team etc. It is mostly kid stuff and they probably mostly do it just because they see it bothers easy child. But I understand he feels angry and conflicted because of it. He doesn't know if he should defend difficult child or condemn him. And it makes him even angrier. And he also feels that difficult child get away lightly because he has a talent, that he was forgiven too easily and too readily given second chance. I understand also that, while I don't agree (I believe in second chances and difficult child has had it anything but easy), but there is some truth in that. If easy child would do the same, he wouldn't be given same kind of second chances in sport, because he doesn't seem to have quite that talent difficult child has. It doesn't help that even some adults are total, I wont say what, about all that. I mean; I can take all the innuendo about bad parenting, incorrigible kid or whatever, but easy child has nothing to do with any of it. He is a good kid.
It is very understandable for easy child to be angry, but I don't like the way he dwells on it. He doesn't really show it but it seems like he is stuck with his emotions over this. We don't agree with husband on how we should handle it. husband thinks it is between the boys and difficult child's responsibility to solve it, because he caused it. I think difficult child is not able to handle the matter in any useful way and letting it just play out can cause an irremediable rift between them and not help easy child in any way. I feel that it is our duty as parents help easy child to have a handle of these emotions. Unfortunately I'm not sure how to do that.
difficult child will soon have several weeks time off from team. He has to practice and will have quite a lot work to do with that, but it is independent work so it is partly vacation for him. He doesn't have exact plans yet but he is likely to spend some extended time, two or three weeks here at home and while I very much look forward to it, I'm also afraid this thing between easy child and difficult child may blow up and it can be quite nasty.
Any advices or experiences how this could or should be handled?