Well-Known Member
"Peace requires us to surrender our illusions of control. We can love and care for others but we cannot possess our children, lovers, family, or friends. We can assist them, pray for them, and wish them well, yet in the end their happiness and suffering depend on their thoughts and actions, not on our wishes."

-Jack Kornfield


Well-Known Member
Staff member
Thanks Albatross. That quote is so true. I wanted peace and what I had to let go of has been a tumultuous journey...... a hard journey......but I did discover that peace is possible.......and now that's where I want to live.

Practice, practice, practice......


Well-Known Member
Thank you Albatross. For me it is an extra timely summation of why my suffering in no way influences my son's propensity for self-care or lack there of.
Peace requires us to surrender our illusions of control.
My abject panic has dominated these threads that my son had stopped taking antivirals for his liver. I could not console myself.

Not one reassurance of anybody that I should cool it really helped.
All I could think of day and through the night was that virus eating away at my son's liver. That I could control it through my suffering I knew was illusory.

Then I got an automated message from the university hospital where my son is followed.
their happiness and suffering depend on their thoughts and actions, not on our wishes.
My son apparently had made an appointment for this Friday. He could well have done this BEFORE my severe suffering had gone off the charts. All of it, I mean all, was absolutely futile. Because he had confronted himself the problem and seems to be on the way to solving it at least for now.

Thank you Albatross. I need all of the help I can get.
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Well-Known Member
My response to others and to myself when things get critical with D C is to repeat this, " the umbilical cord was cut at birth." After a child is born, we have no control over how they navigate through this world. When they are babies, we can't control what things will make them cry. We can't control how their brains will take in the world around them. We can not control who or what they will love, and the harder we try to exert our desires for the outcome we envision for them, the harder they push back. That is with a typical child. Throw in any kind of mental issue and the pushback is explosive.

Tanya M

Living with an attitude of gratitude
Staff member
What an awesome quote!!
When I look back over the years to when I didn't know what true inner peace was I am amazed at how far I've come on my journey.
The love I have for my son has deepened because I was able to let go. When I was trying desperately to control him and his choices I had resentment and anger because he wouldn't bend to how I felt he should be living his life. I still don't like his choices but they are his choices to make not mine.
There is a true freedom and peace that comes with surrendering our control.