Plz help someone

[jessica1507]

I am a single mother of 5 year old twins. My daughter has ADD. I know this with all of my heart. But, the doctor feels that right now, due to my sons behavioral problems, I should deal with him first. he has been expelled from 3 daycares. They just started a summer school program called getting read for kindergarten. After finaly agreeing with his pediatrition on a letting him take a medication.(vivance) I thought things would get better. And they have in some ways. yet he is still so difficult to deal with. He has been diagnosed with ADD and ODD. His dad left us when he was three and only comes around when its convienent for him. (maybe once a month) I know it hurts them very much. So i wonder how much of his problem is situational. I am a full time student. (1 more year til i recieve my RN) I am doing this so that we can have a better life. I have realized we cant count on support from his father and I want to be the best I can be for them, but I feel as if i should drop out so that I can deal with his behavioral problems. the teacher at summer school says she doesnt know how he will be able to function in school in the fall. I am at a loss. there is no support groups around my area. I have called everywhere. I need help. I cant do this all on my own.

 

[nvts]

Hi! I can't make this long (baby is fussing!). Have you had a neuropsychologist done on the twins? It's testing done that takes a while to get in (around here it's about 6 weeks!) but it's worth it. ADD and ODD can sometimes indicate other things that a pediatrician might not look for.

How was his early development? How about different stuff like problems with itchy tags, loud noises, picky eating, obsession about a certain type of toy or interest and being the "foremost authority" about it?

I'll pop back later! Hang in there - you CAN do this! You've found a lot of support here - we'll do everything possible to help!

Beth

 

[JJJ]

Welcome! There are many of us who have been where you are. I agree that you are on the right track and need to get your RN for the future benefit of your family. I would suggest finding a new doctor that realizes that you don't have to chose which child to help -- you can treat both children at the same time, in fact it usually makes things easier.

Also, please send your public school district a certified letter stating that you have a child with special needs that you feel will need special education services to access their education. (This will give your son protection against being expelled.). Also, a phone call to the principal and a meeting where you give her a parent report and review your concerns will give your son and the school a better start in the fall.

Welcome,

 

[BusynMember]

Hi from the Marshfield area (sort of).
Has either of your twins ever had a neuropsychologist evaluation? Where have they gotten evaluated and what type of professional gave them their labels? So often ADD is so much more and ODD is, in the opinion of most here, a very unhelpful diagnosis, caused by a bigger disorder. I have a few questions that can help us all help you. By the way, TWINS!!!!! Cute, but a handful, I know. I have twin nieces!

1/Are there ANY psychiatric disorders, diagnosed or undiagnosed, on either side of the twins' family tree? Any substance abusers?

2/How was the twins' early development in the areas of speech, mimicking you, strong eye contact with strangers, ability to interact well with their little peers (and now their older peers)? Can both of them transition well from activity to another? How do they do in a large crowd with lots of stimuli. Ever cover their ears? Any strange obsessions, such as lightswitches or dinosaurs or anything they know a lot about and can't stop talking about? Any early interest in letters and numbers and memorization? Do they have any quirks, such as rocking back and forth, biting themselves when angry, making high pitched vocalizations or other throat noises, clicking their tongues, flapping their arms, etc. Have they had any early childhood help?

Others will come along. I'm sorry you have to be here, but this is a bunch of good people and we will all try to give you suggestions.

 

[TerryJ2]

Hi Jessica, welcome.
So sorry you had to find us.
I hope you do not have to drop out of school. That is an excellent plan.
I don't like the idea of only treating one child at a time. They are both real people and you can't ignore the other one.
Either be more assertive with-your dr, or find another dr. (I went through 6 pediatricians, mostly because of my stance on immunizations.)
Once you answer some of the questions above, we can help you more.
One thing I am wondering, is, was your son kicked out of day care for not paying attention and for being loud, or was he assaulting other kids?

 

[Mandy]

Welcome! So sorry you are having such a hard time. I also have a 5yo son that has been kicked out of 3 daycares, 1 private school, and 1 babysitter that just couldn't take it anymore.

I agree with the suggestion that you need to contact the school asap to get an evaluation started so that he is protected from being expelled.

We went through 5 different medications to find the right combo and I am just now feeling comfortable that Little Bear can make it for his 3 hours a day at KG.

I ended up doing an evaluation with a psychlogist and then got referred to a wonderful pedi because Little Bear's former pedi would not try any medications.

I couldn't imagine going through it all with husband so great job!! You have a great thing going with your school so don't drop out if you can help it. You need something for you too!

Good Luck and you came to the right place for lots of great info!

 

[susiestar]

Another vote for contacting school about assessments and alerting them to his needs. These MUST be done via mail with signature required and certified delivery. This will give you PROOF that they were notified and he is due the protections of the law. It will need to be a letter to the principal and I think another letter to the school board. Not sure about the 2nd letter. The ladies over in Sp Ed forum will be able to give guidance on if one letter is enough or if the second part needs to be in a different letter sent to the superintendent of schools or board of ed. They can even show you templates of the letter that you can adapt to fit your situation and child.

If MWM is anywhere near you maybe she could tell you the name of her neuropsychologist. You can send her a private message or if she sees this she can send it to you by private message.

The parent report is going to be crucial to you in communicating with docs and other experts and teachers. It can be found in the Board Help/FAQ section. It is either called a Parent Report or Parent Input. I forget. It is SO worth the time and patience needed to complete it and then to keep it up to date.

Please do NOT drop out of school. You will regret it because it will not help difficult child's behavior. The change may actually make things worse for a while - our kids do not handle change of any kind well. Either way, if you stay in school then your kids have a shot at a much better future - you will be able to provide what they need and you will not start to resent difficult child for creating circumstances that lead to you dropping out. It won't be a consious resentment, but it is one that every human would have.

Try reading the following books "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, Parenting with Love and Logic by Cline and Fay (www.loveandlogic.com - look at all of their books to see which would be best. I recommend esp looking at the book for special needs kids. The audiobook versions are great for in the car if you have to drive any distance to school.), Lost at School by Ross Greene (about why our difficult children are falling through the cracks at school), adn The Out of Sync Child.

Any of these can be ordered from amazon by clicking on the link at the right side of the page (this helps support the site but is NOT required), found at local bookstores, or even be ordered from 2nd hand sources like abebooks.com. Some libraries have them, or at least some of them.

Nice to meet you.

 

[JJJ]

But he is different from other kids.

That isn't always a bad thing. And it is important that the school is informed IN WRITING AND VIA CERTIFIED MAIL WITH RETURN RECEIPT that he has a disability that will impact his educational experience. There are sample letters on the Special Education Archives of this board.

If their dad was on Seroquel, there is likely a mood disorder in the family tree, I would strongly suggest taking him to a pediatric mood disorder clinic (there is one in Chicago) for a full evaluation. If he has a mood disorder, it will not get better without appropriate treatment (and treating him for ADHD if he has a mood disorder can actually make his behavior much, much worse).

 

[jessica1507]

I would love to take him to Chigago ..Left endless messages for Dr. K, thats the one in ** (neuropsychologist peds)..He calls back caller ID blocked...I miss it every time. I did speak to his insurance lady tho. who told me that my insurance wont cover. I feel bad coming on here and telling you guys all the bad things..he is my baby,hes such a cute little kid, and sometimes he is the sweetest little boy,when he has his medications, he can sit there and draw for hours..its so much fun for him. Its his favorite thing to do. He loves to learn about things, and has such a good memory. He remembers better than me I think..it blows me away.yet he puts is shoes on the wrong feet every day.. I can tell that he wants to do good, but he had told me..his body wont let him be good.We do have good moments, ....IM just here because that I know that everyday my son gets out of control ..and its a anger, frusturation, . sometimes It cares me and his sister, I love them both so much... Im just sick of him being kicked out of day cares, swim lessons, and karate, and t ball, my friends dont invite me places anymore, only she gets invited to parys. And I dont let her go, because I dont want him to feel sad ,but I know its not fair to her...I will call mood diorder clinc in chicago tomorrow. but I dont think they will take my insurance either. Thank you very much
Your friend,
jes

 

[nlwright]

i'm sorry i have very little experience when it comes to ADD (we are in the process of diagnosing my son's ODD). first i want to say kudos to you for putting yourself through school like that, it certainly can't be easy. whatever you do don't drop out. it is so much harder to get back into it once you've gotten out of it so hang in there!

do you live near any extended family members? i don't know what i would do without my mother in law! she is there every once in a while to take our son overnight or out for an afternoon of special activities. this gives me a desperately needed break! with your small children and what must be a rigorous school schedule you probably have zero time for yourself. it helps so much if you can have even two hours to yourself to relax and regroup. my ability to deal with my son is severely cut down when i am not properly rested and fed. even if a good friend could come and take just one of your kids for an afternoon or evening it could make a huge difference for you. my parents were often fond of saying "one is like none when you have three!"

if you're anything like me you are probably reluctant to "inflict" your children on someone else . i had to learn to get over that. my friends and family have been a huge help and very supportive. mothers, in the midst of caring for others, often forget to care for themselves (it's definitely a challenge for me!) but if we don't care for ourselves eventually we have nothing left to give.

good luck!

 

[nvts]

Hey Jess! Listen, do yourself a favor and call your insurance and find out who they'll cover for a neuropsychologist evaluation. Make sure you check the back of the card because often times they have a totally different phone number for Mental Health!

Don't feel that you're being disloyal by telling us about the bad stuff! We've all been through it, so we can be of help!

Let us know how things go!

Beth

 

[Babbs]

You've definitely landed in a good spot for support and an overwhelming amount of information!!! Just remember, this is a path and all any of us can do is put one foot in front of another. And every family's path is distinctly different - all we can do is do what we feel is a good "fit" for our family.

I would encourage you to stay in school. I believe that kids learn what they see not what they hear - so if your kids see you working hard to educate yourself and provide a better life for your family, what better life lesson can you teach them? Also, it gives you the place to be an adult and have a life outside of the family - something which all of us here desperately need. Without that outlet, spending most of the day with your twins may make the situation worse.

One thing to remember is that most of our kids need structure and routine - they thrive on it and many break down if something is changed (holy heck erupts in difficult child's life when stepdad drives to swim lessons instead of mom!). There is a huge difference between the relatively unstructured routines in a day care setting and the routines of a kindergarten classroom - school might be just what your son needs to help him get behaviors under control.

Finally, get as much information as you can, ask as many questions as you can think of. Educate yourself about all diagnoses that doctors, pscyhologists, or pscyhiatrists want to label your children with. Ask yourself if the descriptions fit what you see day in and day out. Remember, you are the expert on your children.

There are some great websites out there for information and help - one is wrightslaw.org (got great information on how to advocate for your children with the school system) - and if you strongly suspect AD/HD, www.chadd.org (CHADD is the national association for children and adults with AD/HD) is great - they even offer online parenting classes for parents of kids with AD/HD.

Last but not least, hang in there. Take a deep breath - remember to take care of yourself! If you don't then who will take care of your kids? This is the hardest thing to do, but the most important.