PO stopped buy with a cup for difficult child I to pee in on Thurs.

[amazeofgrace]

She came by with a male co-worker, caught difficult child I totally off guard and she got on him about the "gang like" stuff all over his room and proceeded to find to homemade "pipes" in his room. She asked him what the test would say when it came back, he said he was gonna fail it. She left after threatening him and telling him to get his act together or he'll be put back on house arrest again (sure punish me!). Within 15 minutes of her leaving he left and came back an hour later reaking of pot. Then he brough his newest girlfriend over and tried to sneak her in his bedroom, this is his way of not breaking curfew I guess. After I drove her home, he gave me an attitude, and if I didn't know better I would say they were both high.

Then yesterday he gets up and leaves, calls my Dad for a ride around 3PM, my dad drives out of his way to pick him up, then my son blows him off. He then comes home high and drunk at 12:15 at night claiming his girlfriend needs to stay at out house because her Mom threw her out. I offer to drive her to a friends, and he makes up excuses, then I say she can stay on the couch by me and he says forget it and they both leave (his curfew is 9PM mind you - per probation) He never came home, and I finally found out he spent the night at a friends. This morning the bus for boot camp came and he wasn't here, so now he's kicked out of that and they will be calling PO Monday, UGH!

 

[flutterby]

Your difficult child 1 and my difficult child 2 sound like twins. I'm so sorry.

(((hugs)))

 

[maril]

Hi, amazeofgrace. Sorry to hear things are not going well.

Once the people from the boot camp call the PO, will your son then be under house arrest? What does that involve? Do you have jobs to keep him busy while he is under house arrest and, also, can you restrict who comes to your home? That might help somewhat but I am sure it will be difficult; as you said, "sure, punish me!"

My son will likely have a PO at some point (awaiting hearing in court) after he is discharged from the dual diagnosis facility he is in currently; I am curious to see how all will go when he gets home. I am cautiously optimistic.

Good luck to you.

 

[amazeofgrace]

house arrest was for me last time, no monitor, no support from the authorities what so ever. I know now that she will voilate him and the last time he was violated they said he'd go straight to JVC and then the state's detention facilty. The CMO through the state will advocate to have him placed in a residential theraputic program vs. JVC either way he can't be here anymore, difficult child II is already mirroring him in some ways. I am just afraid my x-inlaws will vie to take him in, which will seal the deal on this kid ruining his life......

 

[DammitJanet]

Tell the PO that house arrest wont work unless they put him on the electronic monitor but even then you object to it because of people coming in to your house while you work. difficult child 1 simply has no incentive to make house arrest work. It did work for my son because he desperately wanted to be out of the jail and home with his daughter for that time period. He also knew what big boy jail was.

I think there is a whole crop of up and coming difficult child's that are headed straight down this path. Until they the hard way, there is simply nothing us mom's can do.

 

[DDD]

I'm glad PO took the initiative to come by. If it happened on it's own, that is great.......if you had to make a call to trigger it, keep a low profile so difficult child will see it as a "natural consequence of his choices" and not "Mom ratted me out".

I am not a fan of Department of Juvenile Justice but when things are spiraling and impacting younger siblings then safety dictates that the time at home is over, at least for awhile.
I'm sending caring thoughts your way. DDD

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry things are so rough. I have no answers, but do have lots of hugs!

HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG HUG

There are more where those came from if you need them. I hope you can let them know that house arrest is NOT an option because he will be a danger to you and his grandparents.

 

[Andy]

Is he 18 yrs old yet? If so, he is legally an adult on his own standings meaning you should not have the responsibility of dealing with house arrest. He is no longer your legal responsibility. He has already proven to everyone that it is not safe for you to have him in the house. You do not need the responsibiility of his not obeying the rules of house arrest. He has got to serve his time elsewhere.

 

[standswithcourage]

Ditto on the house arrest thing. It is more punishment for you than him. Everytime the Judge suggested house arrest for my son I said NO. It was already out of control at home - why would I think it would be any other way if he was on house arrest - the probation officer didnt live with us to see what exactly was going on!

 

[amazeofgrace]

Funny I said that to the PO, "oh house arrest? You mean at your house?" she changed the subject real quick!

 

[KTMom91]

Good thinking, amaze! Maybe she'll come up with a more workable plan for difficult child 1 and for you. Many hugs.

 

[Star*]

Here's what I learned from the system the last time Dude was living with us and was "waiting" on a "PROPER" placement. (under a mud hut would have suited us all at that point)

We were told if we said things to the caseworker and PO like - We fear reprisal, we are in fear for our lives, due to his living in our home I had a stroke (hands hospital records), and make sure that you tell them you have a younger, impressionable child that is immitating his older sibling which means you'll loose BOTH of them.

I would call the PO today. I would tell her that she has GOT to please care enough about your other son to place your difficult child in a proper and appropriate setting that can address his needs. EVEN if it means a work camp - 24/7 Department of Juvenile Justice.

Not sure how you are holding up through all of this.......but I admire your strength.

We're here if you need us - but stand STRONG against the system warrior Mom......

 

[C.J.]

Dittos to al the great things the warrior moms have mentioned. I hated house arrest - though N* did comply with the house arrest rules, because she hated JDC facility worse - she even went to church because it allowed her time out of the house.

N* had a machine which would take her picture, and she'd have to blow into a straw when the unit went off. I got tired of the middle of the night calls - though I knew why they were necessary.

Sending peaceful wishes your way - call the PO, and let her know it is time for difficult child 1 to have a different address.

 

[Im a Believer]

So sorry ~ (((HUGS)))

 

[Im a Believer]

Just reread thru all the postings ~ How old is your son??

I feel so bad for you ~ Please know you are not alone ~ I really cherish the "up" - "peaceful"(?)- "normal"(?) times ~

Unfortunatley times like you are having today seem like they will never end ~

Please know they will ~

 

[amazeofgrace]

ha! They're trying to tell me that a 3 hour program "drug abuse" after school is going to be his consequence! It will be a term of his probation, so he will have to follow it! Ummmm he has not followed probation rules for the past year he has been on it that's why he's already been violated twice! Ugh I just do not get it!

 

[DammitJanet]

Let them handle him and help him dig his grave. If he doesnt do this program...they will violate him again. And again. He will soon be 18 and the real PO's will get involved. I found the juvy PO's to be rather lax. Once they do something really wrong and get what they call intensive probation here...boy is it another world. That really got my son's attention. Big dude who popped up to make darned good and sure that he was where he was supposed to be when he was supposed to be there.

 

[Star*]

Janet is SPOT ON -

Dudes PO when he was in Juvie? Namby Pamby and really does NOT prepare you for the big boy PO's and reality takes a HUGE headstand once you turn 18 and have a PO.

THEY DO NOT PLAY -
THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND -
THEY WILL VIOLATE HIM and.....
HE WILL BE LOOKING AT JAIL OR PRISON TIME.

I think most county jails can ONLY keep someone incarcerated if the sentence is UNDER 95 days. AFter that? They go to big boy boot camp and despite how tough any of these kids think they are - it's no place to be.

Just let it go Amaze.......I've had to do the same.....and didn't like it. Made me sick to think about it and I don't wish it on anyone.