Positive Behavioral Supports (PBS)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Ktllc, Jan 23, 2012.

  1. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Last night, I had a reminder as of why I accomodate him so much. The doctor report suggested that too much accomodation was not healthy (even to avoid tantrum).
    So like a little soldier, i proceeded.
    Partner and husband were getting ready to go in the truck (no school today). Everyone says goodbye. V says goodbye a few times and Partner and husband walk away. I get the typical "one more bye, please, just one more". I take his hand, all the while holding Sweet Pea in my left arm, and nicely say that we all said goodbye and now Dad needs to go to work. Oh My!! All He77 broke loose. V is pulling on my hand, trying to escape and run for the truck. I take him in the house and block the door so I can let go of him. V is screaming, crying, stomping, falling on the floor, etc... A real maniac. He is choking in his cry and screams.
    I finally thought that was not worth it and we all ran to the truck for a last bye.
    Afterwards, all was fine for the rest of the night.
    Seriously doctor? Not accomodate ??
    And in the meantime, I am suppose to have 5 positive interactions for every one negative interaction. It is all good on paper, ut it does not help me with unreasonable tantrums and requests.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    doctor is right for typical kids, not right for difficult child's..... and, if you ever do want to work on it.... not all of a sudden. First make a social story, explain that daddy has to go to work. We can do (you can make a plan with hiim and he can pick) five waves then daddy can drive away.... we can wave three more times to the truck as it drives off, etc.....

    Follow your gut. Until doctor has to live with that torture (for difficult child it is torture too) then he can call the shots, lol
  3. myeverything04

    myeverything04 New Member

    I agree with buddy (as I usually do!) that a plan in place for how many times to wave, or even say goodbye, would be a very good thing. I have found that if my difficult child knows what is coming up and knows what is expected, she is less likely to panic or get upset. It will probably be hell the first few days, as changing something with children often is, but after he gets in to the routine and knows he only had a set number of goodbyes, I think it will help. Another thing that may help, and this is just my opinion, is to do all the goodbyes inside the house and then wave from a window. This will help you as he won't be able to run for the truck since he won't ever set foot outside the door. He may scream and sit by the door for a few days as he is getting used to the transition, but you won't have to worry about him running away from you while holding another child.
  4. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    I know: Buddy is always right!
    I know she is human, but through the internet waves: you are a Goddess to me. ;)
    The social story is something that will probably (99% sure) work. Just like the picture schedule did.
    I keep on forgetting that V does not learn through repeated unexplained experiences. Everything has to be explained even if it seems obvious.
    Probably why he nevers stops asking questions. He never got over the "why phase". LOL
  5. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Yes, buddy for President!
    I am sure that not accommodating is a good idea in theory but in practice? V and J are not dealing with exactly the same issues but both of them seem to be filled with anxiety. The only time I have noticed J really letting go of his need to have things done according to plan, etc, is when he is feeling more confident and happier in himself. And that is obviously not something one can force.
    Changes, if they come, have to be really small... bit by tiny bit. Otherwise, as has been said, it all feels overwhelming to the child.
  6. zaftigmama

    zaftigmama New Member

    Just echoing the others--doctors don't know it all. Stickers are helping us (sometimes)--we can use the reminder of a sticker on his chart as incentive to hold it together--for when he can, it's helpful but only insofar as it stops the tantrum from being his default reaction--obviously it doesn't work all the time.
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I totally agree with the others. Pick your battles. A second goodbye is absolutely not one I'd fight.

    Another suggesting to add to the social story? Work up to dad leaving and give warnings at 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 2 minutes (whatever works for you) before dad leaves.