preschooler acts aggressive

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rkaye8, Mar 25, 2008.

  1. rkaye8

    rkaye8 New Member

    Today, I got another note home from my 5-year old's school. He threw rocks again at recess and when told to "stand out," he resisted by laying on the ground. This is the fifth time he has gotten a note, and I am afraid there is a real problem. My son says he was throwing rocks at one child because she was playing with the child he wanted to play with. Every time he gets in trouble, it is because someone else is playing with "his friend." Jealousy and possessiveness in a small child cannot be normal??? He is an only child and more than a little spoiled, but very excited to be with other kids. His behavior is not a problem in the classroom and he is fine academically. He does have some speech problems and has gone to speech therapy since he was three. Have tried various discipline approaches, spanking, early bedtime, taking away toys and t.v. not giving hugs when he cries about being punished, etc... I have gone to the school and monitored his behavior at recess on several occasions, but he does not act out then. I have told the principal to call me if he does anything else, and I will come and get him. We have also given permission to school for paddling, but this has not happened, yet. Any suggestions?
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    Hello & welcome. I'm sorry you had to find us. I have a few questions that may help shape the responses you receive. First off, has he had any sort of behavioral assessment? Throwing rocks is extreme, though jealousy and possessiveness is not. Second, has he been evaluated for his speech problems? If so, what is the specific problem or problems? Does he have any other social difficulties? How about odd habits or obsessions? Any health problems?

    As for spanking or paddling, the great majority of us here have found that corporal punishment definitely makes the situation worse rather than better. Please pick up a copy of The Explosive Child by Ross Greene (check the library) to come up with different ways of handling your son's outbursts. Most of us have found that our kids have very little control over their actions and require a different parenting approach than the authoritative model.
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Hi and welcome!!! Sorry you have found your way here... I would like to say that I have seen, especially in boys, behavior like this. I think jealousy and possessiveness can be "normal" if the child needs something or is lacking something. OR finds that he can get his way by doing these things.
    My Daughter was a very aggressive youngster. Hers was because of her issues, but some kids are aggressive and need behavior modifications and parenting mods.
    I would recommend the book "The Explosive Child" by: Ross Greene.
    Does he have any other issues? Does your family have a history of issues... say like Mental Illness or Pervasive Developmental Issues? Addiction, anything...
    Before we considered anything wrong with my 6yo we changed our home life drastically. Meaning we looked at ourselves, our parenting styles, how she reacted etc. We spent years adapting our lives and ourselves to help modify her behaviours. Setting extreme limits due to his behaviours. Sticking by your word, setting a schedule, time outs. Not engaging the child, say what you want and do not argue... A lot of this is covered in the Explosive Child, Love and Logic is another good book.

    Welcome and others will come along with suggestions!!!
    I have also found that spanking willful children does not do much in the way of helping with the issues. It usually just makes them more defiant!
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome. Please don't allow them to paddle him and don't do it yourself as he is not being "bad"--something about him is different and it's not his fault. I think it's best to have him evaluated early. The earlier problems are found, the better the prognosis. I speak as one who has gone through the mill with myself and my son.
    This is not normal five year old behavior. You may want to do a signature below like I did. Now I have a few questions that can help us help you.

    1/Has he ever seen a neuropsychologist or had a multi-discipinary evaluation?
    2/Are there any psychiatric, neurological or substance abuse issues on either side of the family tree. The substance abuse can be a red flag for certain disorders.
    3/ Any speech or other developmental delays in his past? Strange behaviors? Obsessions (lining up cars, switching lights on and off). Does he make good eye contact? Obviously, he has social skill deficits, which is also a red flag for certain problems. Does he rage? Can he transition from one activity to another? Any sensitivities to lights, noise, fabrics, foods? Does he get upset when things change?

    We can't diagnose for you and in my opinion you shouldn't try to diagnose him yourself OR try to fix it entirely on your own. He may need interventions depending on what the problem is. This can be critical. I do not think this is behavior problems that will go away. Likely something else is going on.

    Others will come along. This is a good, helpful group.
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Sorry Tired Mommy beat me to the punch... faster typist!!! She basically said it all!!!