Problem with Cory on job...

[Mattsmom277]

I've been waiting to see an update in dear old Uncle Buck!!

Hope this weekend a place can be found, even a single furnished room in a cheap boarding house. Those type of places usually advertise rental openings when the room is empty. So really, a cheapi boarding house could take his money on the spot and hand him the key. And boy he would be left there right then to settle in. I would not bring him home to collect his stuff. I'd say settle in. We will be back with your stuff in a few hours. As for transportation? Tony cares so much if he has no car? Tony can leave early and have a longer work day, and pick him up! When that grows old, he can tell buck to buy a beater car because he isn't doing it anymore.

I had a thiught about the property. I know it is awful to own your home but have no right to the land under your feet. The amount of value at $11,500 can be worked with. By that I mean to suggest you buy the land. Not Tony, because the house is yours and you two are unmarried. So if fair value is $11,500 you start there. Given the bad economy and horrible land values, call it $10,000. If 5 people shar rights, a sale would net them $2000 each. But Tony is your common law spouse so that makes cost to you actually $8000. Because no way Tony should expect a piddly $2000 for land he lives on, in a home you own. Now, the others don't want the land and have no reason from your description to expect the value will increase. No big corporation is going to offer a bazillion dollars for mostly swampy type wooded land. And they have never paid taxes etc. so I would think there is no reason for them to care about selling for the value it's worth. Now even if you bought them out one at a time on a schedule, a legal contract could outline the payments and they could be affordable to you, and ensure that so long as you pay the scheduled payments, the contract is iron clad and they can't revoke. This could be a simple solution to finally allow you freedom of fears you have expressed before to us about owning your home but having no claim to remain if anyone wanted to eject you from the property. And you could have that good feeling of owning your own land. That alone has got to be a good feeling. And I wouldn't tell Tony this part, but you could have confidence of security if you ever need to exert tough calls at who does or doesn't stay in your home.

 

[buddy]

I'm glad you are going to check. It sounds like the family would mess with you just to have the control so to go through the tax route sounds like it would be much less stress....really hoping they screwed themselves by not paying. Is there a way to show that it is only Tony that paid the taxes, does he have proof/records....no way the family can lie and say they gave tony money to pay the taxes???

Would they even be smart enough to think to do that???

(awful I would even think like that but from what you have said about how emotionally abusive they are to you... just makes me nervous)

 

[DammitJanet]

I think we always have paid cash...in fact I know we did.. Tony has never had a checking account in his life. However I am sure it lists who paid it somewhere in their files and I know how the statements come. There have been a few times I have paid my house taxes and car taxes online but I dont think I have ever paid his land taxes that way.

 

[buddy]

Well, and I thought about it and they would have to prove they gave Tony the money anyway....and since they didn't no way to prove that. Gosh I hope you can catch a break on this one.

 

[DammitJanet]

Well...i just went online and checked for rooms to rent in my paper and found a great one for between 85 and 100 not too far from us and looked at it in street view on google, and if they dont go snap it up this weekend, I will kill them. He has the money, its a great looking place. Better than the one Tony has been talking about. Cute as heck white house with a chain link fence around it. All utilities included. I called but the guy's phone is going to voicemail. Tony is off fishing and left Buck with me...yet again. Second time he has done that. Tomorrow we are ALL going to look at that place. I also found a cute little duplex for rent for 400 a month plus utilities in the same area. I think I may suggest that duplex to Billy and Celeste...lmao. No...that wont quite work because her kids would come up...they need at least a two bedroom.

Oh did I tell everyone, my newest most probably granddaughter is mildly autistic?

 

[Signorina]

Janet-since you and Tony have cared for the land & assumed the expenses associated with it-you have rights under adverse possession. Here's some info I found:

http://www.ehow.com/info_8073044_squatters-rights-north-carolina.html

Since Tony has some legal ownership of it-you may even have greater rights to it. Anyway-the statutes may be a place to start.

Hope this helps

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh it matters not now. Tony has just told me I have nothing to say about anything. He will do what he wants, when he wants about his brother. Now his brother will stay here until he can afford a car. Then when that is done they will think about getting him a place to stay. I guess I am just a piece of **** living here with absolutely nothing to say about anything. Well..we shall see. I am going down next week and talking to one of those places that say they buy ugly houses and see if they will come buy my trailer from me for whatever little amount of money they will give me. It wont be much but that will be fine. I have offered before for Tony to just buy me out and then he and Buck could stay here together but he gets mad at me for that so this time I just wont say a word. I will start slowly taking my important things over to Cory's or maybe a storage locker and then when someone says they will buy this thing, everyone will be shocked when they come home and its gone.

 

[Hound dog]

(((hugs))) Janet

I am so sorry Tony is being totally unreasonable concerning his brother, actually he's bordering having his cheese slide off the cracker deal on this issue. I get the "family" aspect, you know I do, this is far above and beyond that, waaaaaaay beyond it.

I can't say as I blame you any. Just makes me wanna smack Tony upside his head to see if it would bring him back to his senses. ugh!!

 

[buddy]

Maybe you should rent that duplex for yourself!

 

[Signorina]

Oh Janet-I am so mad & sad that your needs & your heart are being trampled upon. I am furious on you behalf.

Please start putting yourself first & please do whatever it takes to get yourself to a better place. Do not let these imbeciles take you down. I know that you are angry but that mostly you are really HURT. You have given the benefit of the doubt and given way too much of your very self ... Time to start taking that back for you.

I am so sorry-you deserve so much better. {{{hugs}}}

 

[DammitJanet]

I really do need to take some time to figure out just how to deal with all this and I am not entirely sure how to do it. I know Buck is faking stupidity just for stupidity's sake. He can tell us in one breath that he has been to Disney world but then in the next breath when Tony asks me if I am gonna make the meal for St. Patrick's Day, he asks what St. Patricks Day is. Now tell me, just how long you have to be on this earth to have not ever heard of St Patricks day? The man is 55 years old for cripes sake! So Tony started telling him that St Patrick was the patron saint of something and he said he couldnt remember exactly which patron saint so he asked me to look it up so I did and I read the wikipedia on it and I told Buck he ought to really be pleased to observe St Patricks day because it was a religious holiday.

Well...that was all well and good until I mentioned Roman Catholic and Irish Protestant. He started saying something about how his momma said something about Catholics and his grandma said something else about Catholics and how they could drink, play cards and do whatever then go to church on Saturday and say a few Hail Mary's and all was forgiven. I looked over at him and stopped him cold. I said Buck...you better stop right there and think about the next words coming out of your mouth. My entire family is Catholic. You are sitting in my house. Not your brothers house...Mine. Think about whether you want to offend me. He blinked and he said well its all the bible and my bible is right. If the Catholics drink real wine then they arent reading the bible right. Fing idiot.

Then he started in on the whole junk about how people who have pain and just lay around all day or sit around will just end up in more and more pain. His doctors told him so. He told me I just needed to get out there and work and move more and I would feel so much better. I probably wouldnt be so disabled if I just didnt sit around all the time. Now I know where Tony gets it. Tony has that same attitude. They both have this thing about how they both worked from the time they were 5 years old and never got a damn thing from anyone. I think thats pitiful. They had xmas's where the only things they got were a football to share between them and a 2 liter mountain dew each. I think that is poor. No inside running water. Buck thinks their parents were wonderful. I think they were pitiful. I think they had more kids than they could afford to take care of. If I say what I feel, I will be saying stuff that will have me really fighting. But Buck says things like his mother who was 405 pounds when she died could work circles around me. That I am just a lazy slob compared to her. They have both promoted both their parents to sainthood. Now their dad was a womanizing, childbeating whorehound. They are convinced they have a sibling out there they have never met.

It will not take me much longer of being put down to pull all of this out and just lay it out there. I am tired of being called useless and lazy. Tony will tell me at 9pm that he is coming to bed so I start in here and then when I climb in, he doesnt come in for another 30 minutes so he has 30 minutes alone with his brother. Now excuse me, he has spent all day with him. He has had absolutely no time alone with me. When he comes in the bedroom he falls asleep within 4 minutes of his head hitting the pillow...if that. All we do now is argue. We have had sex one time since June and that was the weekend we saw Witzend because we stayed at the motel over night. I cant have sex with him in the house. I have no doubt he would interrupt. He actually asked me today if Billy was staying out all weekend because Billy didnt come home last night. I told him I guessed so if he didnt come home...I dont keep up with Billy on a daily basis. He is grown. I believe Billy told all of us that he was going to the beach this weekend. Ugh.

 

[skeeter]

I can't remember the term, but in some states, if you take care of property for a specific time frame, with the "owners" knowledge (not permission), you can then petition the court for outright ownership. I would definitely look into that since you've been paying the taxes. We have property that butts up against ours that we cut, and just before that time frame would allow, she insist that we stop and not let the dogs on it, etc. (b!tch.....).

As for "Buck" - I don't know what to tell him (other than you'd be out now if you had killed him when you wanted?).

 

[HaoZi]

Get up and move more? Really? Like chasing Buck down and beating him, maybe? I bet that would make you feel a little better. Any chance you could train the dogs to annoy Buck or do they already know to avoid him? I blister for you Janet, this is ridiculous. Yes, some vastly overweight people do manage to get around fine, but they don't have all the extra problems you have, either (or haven't developed them yet). I wish there was some way the other siblings that stopped putting up with Buck could stage an intervention for Tony and get Buck out of there for you.

 

[Hound dog]

Odds are their mother died young from overworking herself with all that extra weight. A shame. Although it makes one wonder how "saintly" a mom can be who's kids do without and she weighs in at 450 lbs. Yeah, I know there can be thyroid issues and often a low income family's diet is high in both fat and starches.......but there is a major difference between over weight from a poor diet and 450 lbs. Reminds me of a couple I know, both parents are well over the 500lb mark, the boys are downright scrawny bordering on malnourished. Doesn't take a genius to figure out who is getting the vast majority of food in that home. ugh

If it were me at this stage in the game, I'd just stop talking AND stop doing. No cooking, except for myself. No laundry, except for myself. No cleaning, unless it really bugged me. No food shopping, except for myself, no personal hygiene shopping (except your own) or cleaning products shopping. If they want clean laundry, food, deodorant, toilet paper blah blah blah........then they can manage to figure out how to do it all by themselves. If Buck breaks the machines, Tony can replace them or have the added expense of taking them out to be cleaned, plus the added PITA of doing so.

Tony is not listening or hearing you at this point anyway. I'd totally ignore them both. Totally. They're just keeping you in a state of (justified) agitation, and honestly, it's not worth your mental health. It will be impossible for Buck to get a rise out of someone who refuses to acknowledge his existence........therefore no fuel to use against you. It's impossible for Tony to "fight" with someone who not only refuses to engage in the fight but doesn't even notice him standing there trying it.

If you just can't tolerate the situation, then perhaps splurging on a week in a motel or with Cory will give you a break and give you a chance to think. (Buck doesn't want you to have a chance to think because it gives you the opportunity to outsmart him and probably get him OUT)

The in your face deal with Buck, is a tactic used by M for the same reason........it's impossible to think and plan if the person who is driving you crazy is in your face constantly agitating the hell out of you. Same for Tony, honestly, he can't see the forest through the trees because Buck isn't leaving him alone long enough to actually think about 1. what is going on 2. what Buck is really doing and 3. that he's really screwing up his marriage. That is why when katie declared they were coming I already had plans in place to handle it. I knew she was going to arrive with no cash and need to stay with us. ugh And I knew if I didn't get them back out as fast as possible...........I might never get them back out again. And trust me, being around M 24/7 one can not think about anything other than methods by which to shorten his life span.

Everything that comes out of Bucks mouth when he is around you is meant to trigger a reaction. (lord only knows how many different ways Buck is twisting your responses to Tony in private) It's not going to be easy by a long shot, but ignoring him completely gives him nothing to work with. Once you stop doing anything that doesn't directly have to do with yourself, Tony will see how much you do actually do regardless of your disabilities. Refusing to fight or argue with Tony makes it difficult, if not impossible, to stay on the defensive with Buck. As long as he's on the defensive, he's never going to see Buck for what he is, he's too busy justifying the "man"s behavior.

Tony will eventually see Buck for who and what he is. Just as the other sibs did. The problem is will he come to his senses before he ruins all the things he cares about?

I too wish the sibs would do an intervention, problem is that Tony is still defending Buck too much right now.......he'd probably decide poor Buck is the victim and feel more compelled to "help" him.

 

[DammitJanet]

I agree Lisa. In fact, one of the other brothers (the only one I can actually stand) called yesterday to see if he was out yet and Tony made excuses. I found a car but evidently he is buying Cory's old car since Mandy bought a bigger one. I questioned if Cory and Mandy actually had a title to that car but evidently they do. No one seems to be worrying about that. I know the car I found was in good condition...so I wont mention anything else.

Supposedly they were to be going today to look at the boarding houses but that didnt happen. Of course not.

I do think that Buck is telling Tony that I am saying things to him when Tony is out of the room. Buck says things to me when Tony is out of the room that are so not the same as the things he says when Tony is in the room. I have attempted to be nice. Hasnt worked.

I do think I am going to employ some of the therapy techniques I have been taught over the years of simply ignoring Buck completely. It will be hard because he does things like move my food around in my kitchen. Takes ketchup out of the fridge and puts it in the pantry. Completely rearranges the kitchen during the night so I never know where anything is. He threw out the box to the coffee maker so we couldnt take it back. We had been saving it because we had put the receipt in it and put it under the sink to save it. We do that with small appliances in case something happens. We never asked him to do any such thing. I do believe one thing I will ask is that he only do full loads of clothes though. He is doing loads of clothes with only one pair of jeans and maybe 2 or 3 shirts on a heavy duty full load cycle with the high water. That is using too much water. He also doesnt empty the dryer lint trap. This is wasteful. I noticed this a few weeks ago when I saw him going in every day to wash clothes. Well okay when it was back when he was here with only a few clothes but now he has everything.

 

[HaoZi]

Maybe it's hidden camera time, too.

 

[DammitJanet]

I would just be accused of setting him up and not liking him. Thats already the accusations. I just dont get it. I dont want to help him. I dont blah blah blah.

 

[buddy]

Can you tape a note to the washer that says, only run if full. Please add towels or other clothes to make a full load..... would he just be oppositional and do less to tick you off??? I LOVE the idea of you just doing for you. You might need to find places to store food in your room in plastic bins or get a dorm fridge for your room but it could sure make them get the message.

He sounds so off. Something is so wrong with him. I am nervous for you.

 

[Signorina]

Janet - he's trying to manipulate your relationship with Tony and I don't like it. You need to be very very wary. I think you shop absolutely stop communicating with him unless Tony is there. I am nervous for you too.

 

[susiestar]

This guy is a professional scam artist and it is a shame that Tony is going to ruin the best thing he ever had by allowing Buck to drive you away. Why don't YOU go and claim the land and say that you gave Tony the money to pay the bill? Doesn't matter if Tony works, you can show it came from your SS and show a written agreement from Tony that you will pay the taxes on the land. Then it will be your land and the sheriff can run both Tony and Buck off. See if that makes Tony happy and then Tony can choose to win you back or not.

I don't care if you have to fake Tony's name on that paper, he has earned this by his mistreatment of you over the whole Buck thing.

I wonder what Jamie would find if he did a check on Buck's name in the police databases? I just wonder if he has any criminal charges outstanding that you could get him picked up on?

I HATE this man and I haven't even met him. I am so sorry he is making you so miserable and I do think you should be very careful. I think he is smarter than he appears and he may be trying to move things on you to prove you are nuts so Tony will commit you and take your SS and your trailer and possessions and Buck can use them for his own purposes. TOny has done NOTHING to show Buck that he isn't stupid putty in Buck's hands, and I am willing to bet that Buck had a plan similar to what I outlined in mind when he moved in.

Be very careful, get those quotes on the trailer and then see what Tony chooses to do. You can probably get low income housing for the disabled in a nearby area if you are willing to move to an area that offers it. I know your county doesn't have much, but other counties do. Cory and Mandy could help you move probably.

Are you saying that McKenzie is autistic? What is leading to that diagnosis? What prompted them to have her evaluated? What do the docs say? Is Mandy up to the task of doing what is needed?