Steely
Active Member
Hello all -
I have a rather large dilemma, and I was hoping you guys could possibly offer some insight?
As I mentioned in my other post, and as you know, I have had an enormous amount of stress in the last 5 years. Just in the last 3 months, I got fired, my dad has weeks to live, my dog died, and difficult child is back in the same city as me. So obviously the stress in ongoing - and I have had to take some time off of pursuing another career in order to lasso in my sanity.
I thought that my solution to finding my sanity was to finish my memoir I started 6 years ago, but stopped 4 years ago. I had written from the time period of 16, through my first abusive marriage and I had to stop. I literally could not write about the pain that difficult child brought up, so I put down the book. Meanwhile more intense stress, with my sister suddenly dying, and a new career, and moving to AZ, and I have not picked up a pen in 4 years.
I have always believed, deeply and profoundly, that if I could write down all that has happened to me that I would be free from SO much of the pain that haunts me. However, as I start to try to write again I am having huge PTSD issues. Flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, etc. I am seeing a Dr and therapist here in AZ tomorrow - which is all fine and dandy - but my real question remains:
Is it the right thing to do, to drudge up all the triggering memories and events, and truly process through them until they no longer ignite terror in me or have power over me? Or is it best to just bury the past, the book, and the memories and move on?
I welcome all opinions and thoughts..........as I just want to move on and finally have a free and happy life.
I have a rather large dilemma, and I was hoping you guys could possibly offer some insight?
As I mentioned in my other post, and as you know, I have had an enormous amount of stress in the last 5 years. Just in the last 3 months, I got fired, my dad has weeks to live, my dog died, and difficult child is back in the same city as me. So obviously the stress in ongoing - and I have had to take some time off of pursuing another career in order to lasso in my sanity.
I thought that my solution to finding my sanity was to finish my memoir I started 6 years ago, but stopped 4 years ago. I had written from the time period of 16, through my first abusive marriage and I had to stop. I literally could not write about the pain that difficult child brought up, so I put down the book. Meanwhile more intense stress, with my sister suddenly dying, and a new career, and moving to AZ, and I have not picked up a pen in 4 years.
I have always believed, deeply and profoundly, that if I could write down all that has happened to me that I would be free from SO much of the pain that haunts me. However, as I start to try to write again I am having huge PTSD issues. Flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, etc. I am seeing a Dr and therapist here in AZ tomorrow - which is all fine and dandy - but my real question remains:
Is it the right thing to do, to drudge up all the triggering memories and events, and truly process through them until they no longer ignite terror in me or have power over me? Or is it best to just bury the past, the book, and the memories and move on?
I welcome all opinions and thoughts..........as I just want to move on and finally have a free and happy life.