In our house, my difficult children are given so many hours of REWARD time per day. They lose 15 minutes of REWARD time for each inappropriate thing they do. For example, if difficult child 2 swears at me, he loses 15 minutes of REWARD time. If difficult children refuse to do one of their chores, or refuse to do it properly, they lose 15 minutes of REWARD time.
Each difficult child has a laminated copy of what they need to do to EARN REWARD time. The sheet also explains the consequences for inappropriate behavior and what actions are deemed to be inappropriate. A full-blown "tantrum", complete with swearing, hitting, throwing, breaking things, etc. is grounds for loss of REWARD for the remainder of the day.
We keep a daily chart on our refrigerator. Every time one of the difficult children does something inappropriate, a check mark is put under his name. The check marks are added up at each meal. difficult children always know exactly how much REWARD time they have.
I HATE having to live this way!!! However, unfortunately, my difficult children do not care about anyone or anything except for their own wants and needs. difficult children's therapist actually told me that trying to explain anything to difficult child 1 in more than 5 - 6 words is useless!!! He said the shorter the explanations, the better. Also, difficult child 1 LOVES CONFLICT!!! As a result, trying to talk to him is useless!!! He actually smiles and sometimes even laughs out loud when you try to have a heart - to - heart talk with him. He enjoys it if he thinks I'm upset!!!
difficult child 2 is so socially immature, that a heart - to - heart is also usless with him. All he cares about, is what is in it for him. He truly is totally self-centered!!!
So, for now, daily schedules and Reward Charts are a way of life. We even have to have schedules when on vacation. Living like this is HELL!!! Enough about my difficult children - Back to your question!!!
I guess removing some of difficult children's Reward time is actually a punishment. In our house, we just call it a negative consequence resulting from inappropriate behavior. Also, I try to use natural consequences whenever possible. These seem to work the best because difficult children know that they caused the results themselves.
I wish I had a better answer for you. I hope others come along with better responses. Unfortunately, in order to be able to live in the same house with my difficult children, I have to dangle a carrot over their heads at all times.
Sending cyber hugs and hoping the rest of today goes better for you... :flower: WFEN :flower: :flower: