On the topic of ADHD incidence in a rural environment - when you have wider open spaces you also have more opportunity for kids to work off things physically. Maybe less so thee days with kids inside on computers a lot more, but when I look back in time in our family, I can see family members who undoubtedly had problems, but who were not in a position for those problems to be more widely known or an issue. My father in law, for example, grew up on an isolated sheep station and was (with his brothers) correspondence schooled by their mother. They had to spend a lot of time outside helping muster sheep, doing various chores, learning how to repair fences etc. All as soon as they were old enough to carry a roll of fencing wire.
When father in law was in his late teens his parents sold up and moved to suburban Sydney. father in law did not cope well, hated it. As soon as WWII broke out (1939 for us) he enlisted. The army gave him discipline and structure as well as an opportunity to demonstrate his practical problem-solving skills.
When you have ADHD kids in a city environment, the problems are more apparent than when the kids have opportunities to tire themselves out climbing trees, working in the fields, running outside etc. So it makes sense that a condition like ADHD would be better noticed in the city, than in the country.
Insane's rather tongue-in-cheek comments about the French eliminating their problem genetic code is actually a little valid - memories are often long in some aspects, more so in the country. And France's experience in WWII was extreme and nasty. People who are different are probably more inclined even now to attract suspicion and hostility. The pendulum swings both ways. France's recognition of the military efforts of those who saved their country is beyond compare. However, the atmosphere that people endured during WWII was one of deep suspicion of anything different, conflicting with the undercurrent of rebellion and national pride. A lot of good things had to be buried and the public face and private face of its citizens became more disparate. WWI took more lives but I think WWII did more damage to the national psyche.
Structured play during break time is something to push for, I think. I wonder if J's teacher would adopt the "walk and talk" punishment option?
I would go into that meeting with your own summary of the book you lent her, listing the things you hoped she would get from the book. Then listen to her and take notes - what DID she actually get from the book? Because in knowing this, you know her area of focus and this will help you manage your interactions with her more accurately. I found letters, notes and emails - anything in writing - helped me gel my own views as well as provide a paper trail. If you have already told the school important stuff in writing, and they try to say they didn't know, then you have them on toast.
As for IQ testing - I may be in the minority here, but we had our kids tested very young. easy child 2/difficult child 2 was barely 4 years old. difficult child 3 was also only just turned 4. The information was valuable, even though it needed to be updated later on. But if you retain control of the testing, I think you will have a more reliable result and a more satisfactory outcome. So organise it yourself, and if you think it could help the school, give them a copy of the results. A private assessment is likely to be much more detailed and more specific to giving advice to the school that they need to hear. Not necessarily what they want to hear.
Tests applied to younger children are specifically designed to assess them at that young age. Older kids get WSK-R, younger kids get WPPSI. It's alright to assess younger kids, but the results are (should not be) locked in stone. You won't get false high scores, ever (unless you give the kid the answers!) but you CAN (and often do, especially with learning problems of any kind) get artificially low scores in some test areas. Knowing where the highs and lows are, can give valuable information to parents and educators alike.
If you go ahead and organise this yourself, you will:
1) get a more reliable, useful result.
2) Save the school the money, the time and the hassle. AND give the school a copy of a much more effective result.
3) Prove yourself to be a supportive and cooperative parent, working in partnership with the school (even if you personally want to cut them loose and ream them a new one each).
You get brownie points, IOW, and you gain the upper hand in how you get on with them from here.
I equate your problems in some ways to the problems we have here in our village school. Our local principal (fairly new, and I'm learning to dislike him intensely) makes up whatever rules he wants to, to suit the situation. SpEd kids are getting a raw deal and constant suspensions, with the latest being that an IEP request was denied on the grounds that "we don't have to do this any more if we don't want to." What the...? This no longer affects difficult child 3 personally, but I am advocate for a few parents in our area and I'm back to banging my head on the desk.
So, Malika - I feel your pain!
Marg