Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by danniell, Nov 27, 2008.

  1. danniell

    danniell New Member

    I have a four year old whom we have adopted she was exposed to crack and other street drugs pre-natal. she is bright and very quick to learn however we have sessions of absolute rage. for example my husband read to her and prayed with her (reuglar routine) she came and got a drink and then went back to her bedroom. all of a sudden I heard her crying and talking to herself. When I went to check she started screaming at me i don't want your help. she was making her bed which was already made at one point. I honored her wishes and didn't help then she started screaming again, about the blankets but again didn't want any help. finally I told her to climb into my bed and she now is sleeping. These rage sessions come totally unannounced, sock that are not the same height asking her to put on her coat, things that shouldn't upset her. But they do. Please any help at all will be appreciated
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I adopted a son with crack in his system at birth, and Im sure his birthmother didn't say "no" to alcohol either. Because all this can mess with a child's nervous system, as soon as we adopted him we scheduled a complete evaluation at a children's hospital. His behavior was atypical. We continued to have evaluations until they finally figured out what was REALLY wrong with him (we had a lot of false starts), but every time he was evaluated we learned a little more about him and got him services at school (this started before he was two years old). He's 15 and doing really well now, but these kids are very tricky to diagnose because of the prenatal drug and alcohol exposure. I suggest taking him for a neuropsychologist evaluation. That's in my opinion the best sort of professional to diagnose complicated kids. Obvisiouly, something is going on. Did you adopt him at birth? Adopting an older child can also cause problems. My son is on the high functioning end of autism, and we were told that kids exposed to drugs in utero have a much higher rate of autism. She sounds like she has some Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) traits, so that's one thing you can have the neuropsychologist look for. He will know how to find the little clues for whatever is going on.
  3. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I think MWM has given you excellent advice. I also think you should take your difficult child for a neuropsychologist evaluation. Once you have a diag/diags, then it will be easier for you to find the appropriate help/services for her.

    I'm glad you found us while she is still young. I wish I knew about this board when my difficult children were small. It is wonderful to be able to get advice from parents already experienced in what you're going through - Take what you can use and discard the rest.

    I'm happy you're here but sorry you had to find us. WFEN
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    I don't have experience but wanted to welcome you and say "we're glad you found us but sorry you had to".


  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi and welcome :)

    Midwest mom did have some good advice.

    I also am sorry you need us yet very glad you found us. :) there are alot of wonderful supportive people here. It's a bit slow today due to the holiday yet it will pick up again tomorrow i'm sure. :)
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Definitely go for the neuropsychologist evaluation and plan to have one done every few years as the diagnosis will change as she ages. The more you know, the better chance she has of getting the services she will need in the future. With the right interventions, she really does have a good chance at succeeding in life. Maybe not up to the dreams we parents have, but few children follow the path their parents want for them.

    So, welcome to our corner. You'll find great support and advice.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcoome, Danielle.
    I am so sorry for your daughter's rages. I know how you feel.
    Actually, looking back on it, with-the experience I have now, I might have been able to better predict my son's rages if I'd paid attention to his triggers. If he had to make his bed, it was a daunting task. It worked better if I offered to tuck in one corner and he tucked in another corner. IOW, break it down into bite-sized pcs.
    But your daughter's rages seem to be more out of the blue. I agree with-MWM about neuropsychologist testing and getting to the root of the problem. These kids are at a huge disadvantage because of the chemicals in their systems and what it has done to their nervous systems and brains.
    Again, welcome.
  8. compassion

    compassion Member

    My daughter has been a major rager since age 3. Since the medications in Late July, they have actually been a lot better. I did all the triggers,etc. but she still would threaten me with knives, beat me up, She still majorally emtional blackmails me but I am better at detatching from her rages and not trying to "fix" them. also do not give as much. I am drawing up weekly conracys with t-doctor and having her sign them. She used to pester me for hours and hours trying to wear me down. I let her own them. She can also be incredibly verbally abusive. Again, detachent helps a lot for me with that. I tred so many thngs when she was yoger like a punching bag. I always try healthy ways of dealin with anger via I messages and settign boundaries. She is very easily frustrated which is a huge trigger for her too. My boundary and so far this has been working that she is not allowed to hit me or destroy my stuff.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Your boundaries are very important.
    I know what you mean about how she would pester you for hrs and try to wear you down. Same here. Where do these kids get their energy and perseverance? I keep thinking about how much I could get done in life if I had half that much energy!