Rant about inefficiencies

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Littleboylost, Aug 18, 2017.

  1. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    So son was arrested, I have the paperwork. He was released because his current status of arrests and bail were somehow not uploaded in the system!!? He should have been detained.
    Then he missed his bail meeting and his bail officer is speaking to the Crown Coucil today (I think that's like a DA in the US courts).
    She sent me a text stating that his arrest from Tuesday is not in the system and the crown is not aware of it!! She has yet to speak with the duty officer and see if there is a warrant out for my sons arrest or if there will be if she pulls his bail bond. Due to the fact that our youth program YCJA is very clear that a youth should not be held, she is not certain they will detain him until his court date regardless. Well then what the hell is the point.

    Is this not just letting my son and all other youth run like men on fire and do what they want with no consequences for their actions. And then bam when hey are over 18 and behaving the same way they will wind up in jail with a criminal record!! This just makes no sense to me.

    And in today's society and technological advances how can so much information be missing from this legal data base FFS!!! It's not like it's all happening in different places it's all in one municipality!! OMG!!!

    Mic Drop and done.

  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    How extremely frustrating for you! I know because I've been in the throws of it so - different but similar.

    Similarly I have to wonder why they can't FLAG people like my son who gets BENZOs from doctors and goes off the deep end PDQ!

    I had a long discussion with my friends about that last night.

    If you didn't want your son's stuff to show up IT SURELY WOULD!!

    So frustrating. It's a full time job managing this.

    You are doing a great job!
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  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Just because the technology exists does not mean that your municipality has it. The tech costs $$ and many organizations do not upgrade their systems except once in a blue moon. Much of the work is done on paper and then some drone has to enter it into the system. Or else the officers have to fill out papers and then type the forms in later. Either way, it is not going to work efficiently and they are probably using computers that are fairly old and hard to use with outdated programming.

    I have yet to figure out what the juvenile justice system does care about. I really don't understand any of it, especially the part that deals with the drug users. No one talks to anyone else, all they do is threaten the kids and waste money not doing anything. Then the adult world hits and suddenly everyone stops yammering and consequences start happening and the criminals are confused. Of course I think fairly logically, and that isn't something that really helps when dealing with either law or bureaucracy.

    Probably they don't want to lock up the kids because they don't have any facilities to put them in or $ to take care of them. That really isn't your issue, but is at the heart of the problem. Many advocates also argue that putting a child into jail (juvenile hall, whatever you call it) only creates more problems. I don't know enough to argue that point, but I think that having no real consequences from the court sets a horrible precedent.

    I am sorry you are stuck with this. Are you thinking about revoking bail? Because of behavior, or for another reason? Are you able to do this?
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    FFS does that mean what I think it means? If so I'm totally stealing it.
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  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am so with you!!
    Probably they don't want to lock up the kids because they don't have any facilities to put them in or $
    The government reduced/ eliminated juvenile facilities and stoped incarcerating youth to the age of 18. Studies of surprise show a drop in incarceration rates duh!! What no one has looked at is what is happening to incarceration rates from 18-25 now that we don't lock youth up. I am not saying it should be a fist step, but after 3 diversions arrests and reoffending arrests and 3 bail breaches. We revoked his bail. A youth bail program holds his bail now and they won't revoke it they just send him warning letters! And to not offer addicted youth the choice of rehab vs jail. Isn't that counter intuitive to what they are trying to accomplish to begin with. Ugh! There is a process in place it's just too daunting for the system to enact it so they don't.
  6. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Squeaky wheel folks squeaky wheel. After the John Howard bail coodinator spoke with the crown today she is rescinding my sons bail. No more options for bail for him now.

    The crown has also personally notified the police that my son should be apprehended as he should not have been released from custody Tuesday evening.

    They know where he is let's see if they bother to pick him up.

    Facing the dire consequences to his recent actions may help him decide its time for rehab.
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  7. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    A quick update here. The police didn't bother picking up my son because they said he didn't breach his bail conditions according to them. His bail conditions were to reside with us, and he didn't. But he lied. To not use drugs. He was as high as a kite when hey picked him up but had no drugs on him. OMG!
    His bail program coordinator said she could not rescind his bail not enough evidence.
    Unreal I give up.
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I totally get it. I duly reported every breach of my son's probation as requiref by the judge least I wind up in trouble for not reporting.
    Nothing happened until he cussed out the judge.
  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Pass I simply don't get it. This teaches them that they are above the law. There is no benefit to anyone for it.
  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I don't understand it.
  11. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    The jails prisons are full, thats why they give people soooooooo many chances
  12. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Somehow, somewhere it has to do with liability and responsibility in the legal sense. As long as he is under 18 you not the province has the risk. They are all too happy to hold you culpable and responsible--to the detriment of your son--as long as the crimes are considered by them to be harmless. They could care less about harm to him or to you. The families are sacrificed.

    I am sorry. I believe your son in time will get a handle. I do. Right now is a living nightmare. It is on us to hold strong, consistent, with ironclad boundaries. To maintain hope and belief in ourselves and our children.

    That our parenting and love are in them. That they will find it. And prevail. This is a prayer.

    Meanwhile.There are many on this forum whose voices are a model of how we do this. Too many to list. How we become and stay strong. Build endurance and somehow even thrive.

    G-d knows. I am surrendering to this. I know not one thing anymore.
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  13. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Hi Copa. The support I have found has truly been a Godsend! I would not be coping st all without him.

    I agree with you 100%. Son has now been charged with theft. Not certain if it will be over or under a certain value. He is processed on the 14 of September for the new charges and goes to court on the 21st.

    He is going to be 18 in October so the parental accountability is running out very soon.

    I sure hope your right but I am rather negative at the moment. We are hanging on by a thread.

    I spent my whole day filling out forms for his long term rehab placement. He left on Friday and has not come home since. I sent him a text saying this is not acceptable and he is just contrary.

    We are trying to minimize confrontations until he gets into rehab but I am at my wits end. If he continues to act out and takes any more psychotic turns. We may have to tell him to go to hospital and wait for his rehab bed from there. Or anywhere else than with us.

    I know right now we are investing more time in his recovery plan than he is. This is the last kick at the can. It won't happen again.

    I say like a chant, to build my strength. No long term rehab and he can not stay at home. If he can't stay at home his bail will most likely be rescinded/or not. But he will not be able to get himself to court and to bail meeting etc. So he will wind up in jail. The final outcome will probably be an overdose and death. The story is his to write.

    Once we get this rehab bed sorted the rest is up to him.

    I am now weary and brain tired after filling in all the forms today. It is an emotionally draining experience to recount the path of his addiction and chaos in our lives.

    He has court on Thursday for his original charges, and then his rehab worker is going to help him fill out his personal assessment form. If he was capable of filling this out, he wouldn't need long term rehab.

    His brain is scrambled he does not function normally at all.

    Cross fingers all goes according to plan.

    He is to register for school on Tuesday. As I have mentioned he is not in any state to take on a full time course load. We are encouraging him to sign on for 2 courses and he can take them with him to rehab. I don't even think he is capable of that.

    I just looked at his school report from last year where he barely got 3/6 credits and he was absent 56/88 days and late the majority of the days he went. I have no more energy for this.

    He raged the other day and said if no one could drive him to school, then he wasn't going to go. It's a KM away, that's less than 1/2 a mile.

    We sold his car and took him off all of the vehicle insurance.

    At this point we are asking him not to bring drugs or alcohol into the home. We are buying him cigarettes because we know he can't be trying to quit smoking and reduce his drug and alcohol use. I say reduce because there is no way he can quit on his own.

    Friday we confronted him about bringing a bottle of whiskey into the house. He pitched a fit. He then started asking for the BB gun (shaped like a hand gun) that we took off of him. Sure son let's just give that right back to you. Ugh!

    I love my son with all my heart, I know of he does not choose to follow through with rehab that we will have to stand out of his way.

    No home no phone, no money, no support of any kind.

    I get stressed just thinking about the strain this process is going to take on us.

    Going to eat something and head to bed early. I am beat.
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  14. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Sending you peaceful sleep vibes ~~~~~~~~~ What an awful day.
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  15. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    The issue for me lbl is that when I back myself in a corner setting absolute intentions to do or not do--this thing or that, I cave. Some might criticize me as lacking this or that or failing in this or that.

    I see it as There is no one size fits all. Recovery is a process. Parenting is a process. Lifelong and even eternal.

    From what I sense of you, you are capable of almost anything. But through the thousands of miles between us lbl I feel the depth and strength of the tie between the two of you. Maybe you have the strength that I do not have. But I would say give yourself the space to let the future work itself out as it comes.

    We are emerging in this as renewed every bit or more as much as our children.
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2017
  16. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Thanks so much for all your support.
    Sorry Pigless ....not sleeping grrrr
  17. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    This is too much for any of us too go thru. I went on antidepressants years ago to cope, it helped but also added 80lbs. So i had enough of the weight and went off most medications, still working on last bit of it. I have to wein off slow cuz im sensitive to any withdrawals. And it scares me to come off, but cant deal with this weight. I have noticed that i am worrying more soo again. If i go back on im afraid of another 80lbs. Cant win. I didnt sign up for :censored2:.
    Prayers your way.
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  18. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    So sorry LBL. I know how tough this is!! I think that my brain has made me forget some of it because it is too painful. I have a hard time "going there" anymore but when I read your stories I am right there with you. I know the feeling that comes over your entire body and it is awful. It's almost an internal tremble.

    It actually reminds me of my childhood when my mother would be drunk and she would antagonize my father and he would beat her. I was a young child and alone and felt helpless and terrified and that is exactly how I felt with my son. My parents were good people but not good together.

    I spoke to an old friend on Friday. Her father was an alcoholic all his life but he did stop drinking the last 15 years of his life so she did get the opportunity to get to know him and have a relationship with him. She does understand addiction. She told me that I have done everything that I could do for my son and no matter what the outcome, I have to be okay with that.

    I am staying that to you also. You are doing everything that you can for your son. It is evident that you love him with all your heart.

    Stay strong and take care of you and hubby. You matter too.
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