Rattle those beads, please...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Sep 15, 2013.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I really, really don't want the board curse...

    Things here have been beautiful. We have had the daughter here that we always wanted. Yes, I know it hasn't even been a week, but wow. I am in sheer mommy heaven. She has been an awesome mom AND daughter. Even though we have a full house here, the negative energy is gone. There is no walking on egg shells. We all talk to each other like adults. But she has not done anything to get on our nerves! LOL! She picks up after herself, she cooked dinner the other night, she is courteous and helpful. It is truly, truly amazing. I don't know if it was the almost six months in jail, Connor arriving, or a combination of both, but she is a completely different person. Even husband interacts with her so differently and he is happy they are here, too. <3 I cannot believe I am saying this, but I don't want them to leave. I know she HAS to - she is doing so well, but she will do even better having the tools and support she needs to stay that way. But my goodness, I am going to miss both of them SO much.

    She has not even expressed a desire to contact anyone in the outside world. She is a non-smoker now!! :D And she dotes on that little boy. But grammy is here to teach, support and hijack the baby for snuggle time!! ;)

    I am just so happy. I honestly don't see the person she was on drugs - at all. I took her to the doctor yesterday and she is going back on anti-depressants, too. At this moment in time, I just can't see her going back to that life. And she doesn't have to. I swear, I am all for letting her and the baby live here after rehab if she would. BUT, she still has hope that presumed baby daddy will go to rehab, too, and then they can be a family. At least she is adamant that he go to treatment, too. I just think at age 35 or 36 what ever he is now, that he is not going to changeand I don't think the two of them together would be good. I really wish he would just exit the picture, or that we would find out the baby is not his. I did a reverse look up for the conception date after she delivered. The latest possible day that she conceived was 12/12 - M got out on that day but that is also the day that she was with both M's. So I told her, she really cannot tell who the father is until testing no matter how badly she wants it to be the original M's.

    I know his trial date was last Monday. I looked up the case and it said a guilty plea was entered. He was transferred back and is still locked up in the county jail where difficult child was. I wish I could find out what the sentencing was...hopefully he will be in jail for a LONG while more...

    No matter what ends up happening, I will NEVER regret bringing her home. It is, by far, the best decision I could have made. This past week has been everything I had always dreamed of...even if it is temporary...but gosh, we are all really hoping it is not!
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This was great to read. Crossing all possible body parts and hoping that your daughter is changed by motherhood. She wouldn't be the first. I'm so happy for this wonderful week the three of you have had (you, mom, baby). May it last forever!! :)
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh PG, I love reading your posts now, so hopeful, so filled with love and excitement for this little guy and his doting mom................wishing all of you lasting health, peace, bright futures for mom, baby, Grammy and everyone.........hugs.......
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I am so happy that things are working out the way they are. And I am praying that he just... Goes away. AND that Connor isn't his.
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Gosh, me, too. I actually played Scrabble with both my kids last night and it was the best.

    Right now we have an air mattress upstairs for difficult child, which isn't too comfortable for a woman that just had a baby. I am going to put a regular bed up there and make it a guest room again. I told her this morning that she will get weekend passes from rehab and I am hoping she plans to spend them here. :) She smiled. I think difficult child is happy to have her family back, too...(and I wouldn't mind one bit if her and Connor stayed here for a while after treatment!)
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PG I am thrilled to hear this positive update.
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PG, you know that we are all pulling for your difficult child to use that beautiful baby as the turning point in her life. You sound blissfully happy. Enjoy!

  8. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member


    So happy to hear all this. Really hoping this is the motivation she needs to stay on track.

  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I got news...M was sentenced to do some time and from what I hear, he will do at least two years of it. She has no idea and I don't plan on letting her know until she is in rehab. She can work that one out with the therapist...
  10. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I'm so happy for your family! My family helped me out when I was an unwed 19-year old mother and I cherish those memories.
  11. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    LMAO well it was bound to not be perfect forever.

    We are going to have to have a little talk today. Not that she has done anything. But she has said a couple of things that really rubbed me wrong last night and I am kind of ticked about it. First, my husband was going out to the living room to watch tv and she tried telling him not until her show was over. Um, excuse me??? WHO pays the bills here???? REALLY ticked my husband off but he was able to calm down and let it roll. He told her he will watch his tv whenever he wants to and she can go upstairs.

    Then she was burping the baby way too hard and I was correcting her, my husband made a comment how she would be lost without me (and she would!) and she claims, no, she would just be exhausted. Um, excuse me?? How about you would still be in jail and not even with your baby if it wasn't for me?? I am not looking to be covered in glory, here, but a little more appreciation is needed. I have gone above and beyond for her and maybe that is the problem. Maybe she needs to go right back to having nothing again. Once she goes to rehab and she has to do it all on her own, I am sure she will then realize exactly how much I was doing for her.

    I am taking her today for the final step we need to do to get her into rehab. I will miss my grandson dearly, but she needs to go to rehab. She has to learn a bit more than just how to stay clean...once a difficult child, always a difficult child, even if they are not on drugs...
  12. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Yes PG,
    Sure does sound like difficult child needs to get to Rehab as soon as possible.
    "Restless, irritable, and discontent" is not a good place to be.

    I get it. My Young difficult child is often unsatisfied...and ungrateful for ALL that has been given to him as well.
    They need that "attitude of gratitude" to stay sober.

    How did your talk go?
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    We applied for the TANF yesterday, which was the final step. Now we just wait until she is approved. :)

    The talk actually went well. I went up to her room, said what I needed to say, then went back downstairs. She came downstairs, apologized and admitted that the Paxil the doctor gave her may not be working in the right direction. She may be right about that because it was a couple days after starting Paxil that she was getting irritable. Prozac had really worked wonders for her before so she wants to try that again. We will go back and try that. I know she is a hormonal mess right now and her boyfriend being locked up is most certainly adding to that. She still doesn't know he will be gone at least two years. I'm keeping that information until she is in rehab. I think counseling will help her a great deal.

    But, she fixed her attitude immediately yesterday and things were back to normal. (Before it would have turned into a screaming match). So, I would say, progress! :)
  14. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    Oh gosh. The hormone drop after pregnancy has to be the worst!!! I love Prozac. I too once switched to Paxil. The doctor was telling me Prozac was antiquated and Paxil is so very close to Prozac chemically wise. Nope. It sucked. I felt horrible. Went back to the Prozac and was much better! It's a good thing your difficult child realizes that the Paxil is not the best for her!
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    She stopped taking it and is back to normal. Well, at least, her new normal. :) She asked me how I thought she has been since she stopped the Paxil and I told her she has been great. She said she feels great and sees no need to anything right now. I had to agree.

    She seriously gets better and better every day. She looks so fantastic and she is so happy. We have all been loving life here. Some one congratulated me on getting my daughter back. But I don't have my daughter back. What I have right now is the daughter I always dreamed of and wanted. I never had this before. A harmonious home filled with love and laughter - no egg shells. This is what I want to remember - always. Even if everything goes back to koi. At least I have these memories.

    And now for the news I received. M was sentenced to 20 years, do 12. He is waiting going to prison. He sent her a letter that got here on Saturday. I intercepted the mail and will not give her the letter - not right now. I knew she wrote him and while GFGish, I can understand it. She has no idea of his sentence and I don't want her to know until she is in rehab and can talk with a therapist. She blames herself for his arrest in the first place so this news will be devastating to her. My husband recommended I pretend the letter never arrived from the jail. He also let her know in the letter that the girl he kept cheating on difficult child with is now also pregnant (supposedly with his child). difficult child knew this and was wondering if the baby was supposed to be M's. She claims she cannot be mad at him because they were not together at the time. Whatever. husband and I are convinced that she will meet someone else anyway since M will be gone a good while.

    She was reminiscing yesterday about the good guys that she threw away and made a comment how she ended up getting pregnant by a loser. I told her it does not matter who Connor's father is. I looked up the other alternative and boy oh boy. Worse than M!!! He is currently in jail for a house invasion burglary! difficult child wants to file paternity orders to find out who the father is, but I told her that I did not think that would be a good idea. If Connor turns out to be this other guy's child, she does not want that man to have legal rights to this child. (I think Connor looks more like the other M - I said that since birth). But regardless, no sense in opening any cans of worms right now that one may later regret. I think she needs to leave it alone and continue putting her life together for her and Connor. Forget anyone else. Dad and I are here as much as she needs us.

    She says she is ready to go to rehab. She wants to go in, get it done, and go forward with her life now. :) She is such a different person after Connor arrived. I can hardly believe this is her...but it is...at least right now...
  16. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Good news! So happy for you and glad that you are experiencing this joy and staying grounded. Seems like a good balance - I am hopeful along with you!
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds great. Enjoy! DDD
  18. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Found out this morning that M has been transferred to prison. I have no idea which one but she doesn't know, yet...I have been trying SO hard to keep this news from her. I am praying I can keep that information away from her until she is in rehab. She has a phone interview for the TANF tomorrow so things are moving. But my goodness, I am going to miss them SOOOO much!!! BUT, it is for the best. She is going to a dual diagnosis facility and hopefully she will come out even better than she is now. :)
  19. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    I'm so happy for all of you, Patriot. This is wonderful!

  20. comatheart

    comatheart Active Member

    Will you be able to visit? That's great she can take Connor with her.