Try and get him to read either the book itself (Explosive Child), or the info about the book on Early Childhood. It will help him with his Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) son, too.
I do know where he is coming from - I've always been able to use my voice effectively, until I met the immovable object of difficult child 3.
it is good that he knows how to yell. There are times when that is a valuable commodity. But over-use makes it too familiar and it loses effectiveness. Also - a big problem especially with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) - these kids more than most will model their behaviour on what they are shown, and he will find that one day the kids he was yelling at will be bigger than him and louder than him.
It is much better to find another way that is less stressful for ALL, and far more efffective.
Do you want your kids obeying out of fear, or out of respect? Do you want kids to do the right thing because you tell them, or because they have learnt for themselves and can think for themselves?
Kids who have to be constantly whipped into line (by a strong voice, if not by actual force) are going to be slower to make their own correct and independent choices than kids who are guided and given the confidence and support they need.
You can lead a child, or push a child. When you push a lot, the child pushes back (ODD). Especially some kids - they will push back more than others, especially if they really resent the injustice (as they see it) of always being pushed.
If you lead a child, especially lead with encouragement, it is far less tiring and far more productive.
Think about the most effective animal training techniques in vogue these days. No longer do we control a dog with a rolled up newspaper; instead, we use positive motivation combined with positive reinforcement. Consistency, love, fun and regular practice of the skills. We stop before the animal gets sick of it or bored. And we never hit a dog or shout at it to get compliance.
The same rules that work best for animals, also work best for kids.
This is actually not a new idea, it was in one of Aesop's fables. Remember the story of the wind and the sun? They had a contest to see who was strongest. The aim was to get the cloak off a man they saw walking along.
The wind was convinced he would win, since it is so easy to blow a cloak so that it billows out and maybe even rips away from where it's pinned to the tunic. So the wind started gently, feeling confident. He blew, watched with satisfaction how the cloak billowed. Soon it would blow loose. But it didn't. The wind blew harder, but this also made the man cold so he hugged the cloak around him tighter.
The harder the wind blew, the tighter the man wrapped himself in his cloak.
Finally the wind had to take a rest.
The sun came out and said, "my turn now." He began to shine. The man soon let the cloak billow loose a bit more, as he no longer felt cold. The sun shone some more and the man began to flap his cloak to fan himself. The sun shone more, the day grew hotter and finally the man stopped by a tree, took off his cloak and even took off his tunic, he was now perspiring so much.
The moral - persuasion is stronger than force.
So if Aesop knew this, where did husband get the idea that shouting at someone is the best way to get what you want?
How much hands-on experience does husband get with his son? Because with a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid, shouting can cause them to shut down and not respond to you, which is not good. Also, with his daughter - if she grows up accustomed to her daddy yelling at her to get what he wants, she is more likely to see this as normal, acceptable behaviour and end up marrying someone who may do more than yell, he may be abusive and a bully as well. But if he treats his darling girl with love and gentle firmness, she will use this as the pattern on which all males in her life must compare. If he sets a high standard in his behaviour towards her, then he will be doing the best he can to ensure her future husband has to meet his high standards before his girl will accept him.
And doesn't every Daddy want his little girl to have the best in life?
There are better ways. And they're also easier ways. It takes a strong man, a real man, to be able to make this adjustment.
Marg