Request doesn't show up in system!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jan 14, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    The lady from the clerk's office just called me back- she said my request for emergency hearing was not even showing up in their system. The lady who accepted this sat right there in front of me and typed into her computer and asked questions while she was explaining to me that she had to get it right in order for it to be processed. I find it hard to believe that she wasn't actually putting it in the system. The PO better not have had anything to do with this.

    Anyway, this lady told me that they don't "sit on" requests for emergency CHINS petitions (I didn't suggest that to her- she seemed ticked about it all). She told me to come down before they close today and bring my form and letters from therapist/psychiatrist and we'd make sure it got into system and find out what happened. She gave me the name of the "head" clerk or whoever is in charge of clerk's office and said to talk to her about it if I wasn't satisfied that things were straightened out today.
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Well, at least that IS an answer. And now we know what YOU'LL be doing this afternoon! Better scoot now...
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Things are hard enough, then you have to deal with other people's mistakes. Grrr...
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    My first act - after I got the whole hot mess straightened out? Find that clerk and get her name and THEN go to the boss.

    (in a rhyming butt kicking mood today) :tongue:
  5. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Jeeeeeez!!!! Calgon take you away!!!!!

    Hope everything goes smoothly for you from here on out. :)
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aaaaargh! I hate it when that happens!

    It usually ends up in the wrong file on the computer. It will show up ... oh, around Easter.

    I hope you were able to get is straightened out today.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I just got back- I wrote a letter to the judge to take with letters from therapist/psychiatrist to attach to the request and went down there in one he** of a mood. And then it got worse.

    The same clerk that took this request last week was behind the desk. So I just asked to speak to Ms C (the person in charge). She said she couldn't get her right then, what's the problem. I told her. She said it was her that took this and it wasn't in the system because she had taken it straight to judge's office. She went to check, brought back the file with the request there (so it was processed). She said the judge had denied it saying that the courts could not order fapt (the county team), that I needed to go thru the funding office (CSA) or DSS. (Actually, she gave me a copy and it is initialed and I don't think it's the judge that wrote that- maybe her clerk or law intern.)

    Anyway, I tried to explain that I'd already spoken to those people and they can't do anything. She asked about PO. I said PO told me if she had thouught difficult child needed this, she would have recommended it, but here are letters from the professionals stating what they think.

    She told me to come back in the morning because that other office had closed for the day, go to intake and file a chins - don't ask for fapt, then bring that paperwork to her and she will help me put another request in for expedited hearing. I told her it's an emergency. She said she's not allowed to put this in as an emergency. I said I think it's at a point of being a life or death matter. She says she can't put it in as an emergency due to judge's protocol, but she will take all that in the morning and put it on judge's chair herself.

    She told me to bring a letter stating the various people I have spoken with and what they have told me, along with these letters from profs, to accompany the new request. So, I guess I'll be writing a very long letter tonight. Is there a nice way to say I'm not comfortable with PO making all the decisions regarding my son?

    And it will also be sent to the politicians and the CSA coordinator. Then, if I don't have a solid answer by next week, I will take my piddly savings and go rent an apartment in a different county and go start this process over in a different jurisdiction. What else can I do?

    Also, I faxed PO the letter from psychiatrist that I just picked up today. This was written yesterday, before difficult child was in psychiatric hospital again. On the cover sheet, I wrote that judge said court could not order fapt, if she (PO) can do it, would she please request an emergency meeting. Not that I think she will, but this is something in writing showing I am exploring every avenue. (Actually, I hope she doesn't because if she does, this leaves her the one making the final decisions regarding what the team will or will not do.) All this, copy with judge's response, requests to PO, etc., will be sent out to politicians and possibly newpaper very soon.

    Maybe I better move out of state instead of just to a neighboring jurisdiction. LOL!

    Even people here that I'm having to go thru are starting to say, "geez, unfortunately, it looks like your son is slipping thu the cracks."
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2009
  8. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't understand this. The law is very clear that the courts can refer someone to FAPT. Maybe in this case, the judge is deferring to the PO? I'm going to do some research.

    Copy the director of social services on your letter as well. Don't mince words about the PO, quote her, darnit. Quote everyone you can think of. Make a point of saying you've done everything that everyone along the way has told you to do, and that now your difficult child is in the psychiatric hospital due to continuing escalation. You may even want to hint at the desperate option of putting your difficult child into foster care to obtain services if the system continues to put road blocks in your way. Doesn't mean you have to do it, but they get very nervous when parents threaten that.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh- alot of people will be copied- state dept of mental health for one. DSS told me they can't do anything because he's not abused or neglected and he's on probation (one reason for asking for removal from probation). See, I CAN"T put him in fooster care while he's on probation, even if I wanted to. As long as he's on probation, his "placement" is determined by courts- supposedly but really- they way they are handling things- it's determined by PO. Yes, the 20 some yo who thinks she knows everything but has never even raised a child, much less a difficult child--BUT- she does have 2 young step-children.

    And, I have to be careful how I handle some things- my bro filed for cusotdy last year. It's a long story, I just don't want to open any more cans of worms and fight battles again that have already been fought.

    I have to run for a couple of hours to get gas and go to visitation. I wouldn't go except he has no clean clothes- I've left him with only the clothes he wore in last night.
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    By the foster care threat, I mean, threatening to relinquish custody of him to social services. I had to do that to get their attention,ultimately. But if there are already family issues, that may not be a good idea in your case.

    Have you called Children Services Board (CSB)/mental health intake and asked their advice? Can't hurt.

    I'm so sorry your county is just such a clusterf***. Sigh. I wish I had better advice for you.
  11. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    (((((hugs)))))) :(
  12. ML

    ML Guest

    Oh Klmno I am so sorry. I ran home from work and came right to my computer to check how things were going with you and this post is very discouraging. You are definitely doing everything humanly possible and then some. Still praying about this situation. Love, ML
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hey all! Crazy, our Children Services Board (CSB)/mental health is whole different issue. I've psoted about it several times in the past- it's a no-go- they won't talk to me; I can't access them- trust me- I know it's not supposed to be that way but it is.

    I'm going to shoot for getting psychiatric hospital's recommendation for Residential Treatment Center (RTC)- and in writing.

    If this idiot PO was more worried about what she should be doing to prevent difficult child from getting in further trouble instead of being so worried about me not letting him watch M rated games, me being over-protective, and telling me what other parental choices she wants me to make, and trying to hold me accountable, we wouldn't be in this situation. This started well over a year ago with her. I am going to pursue finding out who's in charge of her and her supervisor.

    I think I should make a list of some of her statements- like me taking difficult child out to pick up garbage from a park as community service after he got in trouble was giving him more fresh air and freedom than he deserved. And, after he bolted out of the house last year without permission and got in trouble, she told the judge that I should be held accountable for not knowing where difficult child was and what he was doing. But, when I won't hand him a cell phone and tell him to go out and have fun just call me and let me know where you are, I'm being over protective. And, when I got difficult child into local children's clinic for mood disorders, which is a part of the state teaching hospital, for an MDE, she told me I was wasting my time to do that and she didn't see why I was doing it and that she didn't think I should take difficult child because the judge didn't order it. I'm sure I can think of a few others too.

    One of the counselors came by while I was visiting difficult child tonight. He told difficult child (in front of me) that he needed to get more serious about why he was there and open up and talk more about things in group. After he left, difficult child told me that he didn't know why he did what he did. I told him that I was going to talk about him being placed somewhere and living some place else for a while when we had our family meeting but that I was not abandoning him and I would still be visiting him and so forth. I told him I was worried about him and he thanked me.

    I reminded him that he's done other things too and it just kept getting worse until it got to that point. He said he knew and that he knew it couldn't really be just wanting cigarettes because nobody would do that for cigarettes. Then he said that he just really couldn't figure out why he had been doing those things- and that he could see that maybe some things he had been doing or saying around kids at school and in neighborhood made them feel bullied by him. (I didn't know that part.)

    I told him that he's going to keep growing and getting bigger and stronger and taller and that he needed to get a grip on this so he didn't end up being a man who abuses his wife and children or others someday. He said he knew that and that he can't be treating women like that, or others, but especially, no one should ever do that to their own mom. He said he couldn't change it though or get help for it if he couldn't figure out why he was doing it and he was trying hard to figure that out. I suggested he start by saying that in group tomorrow. He said he would.

    I cried the whole drive home. I am just so glad he didn't kill me. Look at the county we live in and on top of his own issues, he would have had to live with that, without anyone to fight for him left in his life, and a so-called safety net that really doesn't even see him now- they would throw him away for sure if he did seriously injure or God forbid, kill someone. I'm not suggesting that people who do anything like that get off scott-free, but the shame to me is that it's all preventable in difficult child's case, I believe with all my heart.
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2009
  14. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think the fact your difficult child recognizes he needs help is huge. I pray that some real answers come soon. The ineptitude of the people you've been dealing with is just astounding. I know you can't afford an attorney, but this situation just cries out for one.. sigh. A PO that tells you getting your son help is a waste of time, should be fired. Write ALL the quotes, all of them. Maybe you can find a children's rights advocate to talk to you.

    I don't know what else to say. Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. Your strength is amazing.
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    You know, PO's statement "you should have come to me; if I'd thought he needed fapt, I would have ordered it." kills me. I finally figured out all the reasons why. 1) she did already know the situation about me work, his instability, lack of finances, and she never mentioned fapt or additional help once. 2) she said last year she was only doing what judge had written in the order and I had to request a hearing to get judge to remove mst order because PO and gal and mst guy refused to report to anyone that it was not appropriate or effective treatment for him, when I had proof in hand from MDE psdoc. 3) PO didn't say "I would order fapt if profs recommend it" or "we could talk about the option of fapt and if it seems to be in difficult child's best interest, I'll order it" or "why do you think you need it" or "do you think this could help difficult child get on the right track and stay on it"- NOPE- she said " if she had thought it was necessary...."

    Now, if I chose to ignore psychiatrist and therapist's warnings and recommendations, what would she say?

    Not only that, I called and spoke with her today about difficult child's admission last night. No, I didn't tell her that he put a knife in my face or at my throat. But, I did say he was admitted due to aggression toward me this time. She said "Oh, that's right, it has to be either immenent threat to self or others..well". Thats's what she said- then she asked what psychiatric hospital I had him admitted to and told me to call her after the family meeting and keep her informed.

    Well, HELLO. If you're going to play God and be the ULTIMATE decision maker, than aren't you supposed to be a little more proactive? Not that I really want that from her, but she obviously is aware now that not only is he a risk to himself, but he was admitted to psychiatric hospital last night for being a risk to me. What is her plan? Nothing. But, who has the only authority? She does. Ohhh...

    This isn't over. If I wasn't so worried about my son's future, I'd be calling her and telling her that she needs to decide where he's he's going to be placed and who's going to pick him up at psychiatric hospital and she needs to arrange to have all that taken care of and his after care in place, because I'm not doing it. Then, we'll see if she has the authority to go thru with all that without getting a hearing beofre the judge.
  16. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    That just seems like such a HUGE revelation on his part. He HAS the insight. He just doesn't seem to have the impulse control. I hope he's able to open up and share this exact conversation with the group tomorrow and that SOMEBODY is paying attention to what he says.

    Hang in there mom. You are doing the best you can, and it's all anyone can ask. He has a part in this too.

  17. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Klmno: Just keep your wits about you and bare in mind that although this critical matter is dominating your life it is just ONE MORE THING to these people who are earning their living off the tribulations of others. What I find helps me is to ask THEM questions to draw out their position on what they think about what you are basing your plans steps and goals with this.
    That way they are responding to your thinking and engaging in the solutions themselves. Even an inexperianced new parent is going to follow your logic. It is a habit of people to react,especially when they are seeing the choice making as "their job". As a parents weither the probation lady likes your house rules or not it is not her concern if you are limiting the activity of a minor dependant of yours. In your care under you your child is either under your control or, if he is not, he is breaking the law.
    The main thing is you are making progress and getting your son in the hospital for observation is very good.
    You need to get some down time for you. This running you ragged factor is exhausting and you can not do all and be all without the rest, some pampering...some you getting what you need met for you. yes the issues that are so vital for your son are critical and yes you are doing a fantastic job working with what you have to meet that. All by yourself.
    I hope that your son is getting it. It is about time. He can make this matter alot easier for himself and you.
    You are fantastic,klmno.Wow. Keep it up.
  18. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    Last edited: Jan 15, 2009
  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It just amazes me with what you have to deal with. I've said it before, it shouldn't be this hard to access help for our kids. I'm keeping you and your difficult child in my prayers.
  20. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    GCVMOM: I hope he's having revelations. I think part of it is saying what it takes to get out of there- he's been in 5 times now, 3 in the past year, and knows what it takes. But, at least he knows to say that this isn't about cigs. That was important to me for him to realize that.

    Rope: Thanks for reminding me of their perspective- I'll try to not show up places ready to Blast them!

    EEK: Thanks for posting that again- I had forgotton about it.

    WO: As always, you remain a valued support and great cyber-friend! I appreciate that and it means a lot to me!

    I didn't finish me letter last night- I stopped to get some sleep and decided it was more important to document all of this thoroughly and accurately, even if it meant one more day to get it there. I might do a condensed version for the judge and save the long version as documentation for use to send everyone else in the world. It might be best to not finalize it and submit it to the judge until after the family meeting tomorrow- we'll see. I want to get it in this week though.

    I'll be leaving in an hour to go to the IEP meeting.