klmno,
I don't know if you remember, but I went through very similar things with Wiz. the threats, abuse, etc... Wiz didn't have the insight that your difficult child seems to have. Wiz DOES have a TON of regrets for the way he treated Jessie, Tyler and I. He never seemed to do much to husband, their relationship is very strange to me and they are not close. But wiz DOES regret making husband afraid that Wiz would kill him while he slept (Wiz kill husband). Wiz did what the docs say is permanent damage to my left hand. nerve damage. He will now take my hand and rub it and apologize and even kiss it (Wiz does NOT give kisses - after about 1st grade he almost totally stopped giving any of us kisses, so it is a BIG deal.)
I hate to think your difficult child will have similar regrets when he grows up. but I also hope he does have them, and that he can learn to use that regret to guide his future actions. Wiz uses the regrets to keep himself in check, and even to guide him to stick up for others who are being bullied. I hope your difficult child can do that.
If you need to vent to someone who has been there done that, PM anytime, and I will PM back or give you my phone #.
I truly do understand the fears. Fear of your child, fear of his actions, fear he will fall through the cracks, fear no one will help, fear he will kill you and then be all alone in the world or stuck with relatives who will make everything worse. And so many more fears.
I think you have to find the HEAD of the PO's office. Not her boss, but the BIG boss. She is abusive, in my opinion. And she is withholding services that could make major differences in his life.
Send a letter to the governor. The long version AND a shorter version with bullets. When we went to court I had a long, detailed letter to give the judge PLUS an executive summary type thing that hit the high points. I also had a letter I read out loud in court.
I was maybe lucky, maybe not, in that the HEAD of our local DHS came, and his son was on thank you's basketball team. So he knew us. he said DHS had no problems with what we were doing, saw no need to remove our son from our custody as long as he didn't return home - in which case they would remove thank you and Jess. After our previous experiences with DHS, having them out of my way was all I wanted. The previous caseworker caused Jessie to feel she deserved to have her brother kill her because Jessie teased him sometimes. It was outrageous. She first told me that Wiz was going to be the next "Hannibal Lector" and then in her report 6 weeks later said that we just needed to spend 1 on 1 time with him - 2 hours or more each day from each parent. because he felt "lost" in the shuffle of a house with 3 kids. Tons of garbage from her, but she went away.
Anyway, do the detailed letter. Then do a short summary. You may find it helpful to search for past threads here on the site to jog your memory for incidents and dates - you may be able to show a pattern, as well as how inconsistent and abusive and undermining the PO is.
Know that I am there with you, supporting you through this.
Love you!
Susie
I don't know if you remember, but I went through very similar things with Wiz. the threats, abuse, etc... Wiz didn't have the insight that your difficult child seems to have. Wiz DOES have a TON of regrets for the way he treated Jessie, Tyler and I. He never seemed to do much to husband, their relationship is very strange to me and they are not close. But wiz DOES regret making husband afraid that Wiz would kill him while he slept (Wiz kill husband). Wiz did what the docs say is permanent damage to my left hand. nerve damage. He will now take my hand and rub it and apologize and even kiss it (Wiz does NOT give kisses - after about 1st grade he almost totally stopped giving any of us kisses, so it is a BIG deal.)
I hate to think your difficult child will have similar regrets when he grows up. but I also hope he does have them, and that he can learn to use that regret to guide his future actions. Wiz uses the regrets to keep himself in check, and even to guide him to stick up for others who are being bullied. I hope your difficult child can do that.
If you need to vent to someone who has been there done that, PM anytime, and I will PM back or give you my phone #.
I truly do understand the fears. Fear of your child, fear of his actions, fear he will fall through the cracks, fear no one will help, fear he will kill you and then be all alone in the world or stuck with relatives who will make everything worse. And so many more fears.
I think you have to find the HEAD of the PO's office. Not her boss, but the BIG boss. She is abusive, in my opinion. And she is withholding services that could make major differences in his life.
Send a letter to the governor. The long version AND a shorter version with bullets. When we went to court I had a long, detailed letter to give the judge PLUS an executive summary type thing that hit the high points. I also had a letter I read out loud in court.
I was maybe lucky, maybe not, in that the HEAD of our local DHS came, and his son was on thank you's basketball team. So he knew us. he said DHS had no problems with what we were doing, saw no need to remove our son from our custody as long as he didn't return home - in which case they would remove thank you and Jess. After our previous experiences with DHS, having them out of my way was all I wanted. The previous caseworker caused Jessie to feel she deserved to have her brother kill her because Jessie teased him sometimes. It was outrageous. She first told me that Wiz was going to be the next "Hannibal Lector" and then in her report 6 weeks later said that we just needed to spend 1 on 1 time with him - 2 hours or more each day from each parent. because he felt "lost" in the shuffle of a house with 3 kids. Tons of garbage from her, but she went away.
Anyway, do the detailed letter. Then do a short summary. You may find it helpful to search for past threads here on the site to jog your memory for incidents and dates - you may be able to show a pattern, as well as how inconsistent and abusive and undermining the PO is.
Know that I am there with you, supporting you through this.
Love you!
Susie
