Rosemond and my difficult child sibling fighting

[TerryJ2]

A recent column by Dr. John Rosemond has a Q & A about a 5-yr-old and 7-yr-old fighting in the car and at home constantly. He recommends saying nothing to them in the car, and once you're at home, "... take one of them by the hand and take him to his room. Say nothing more than "This is where you are spending the rest of the day. I'm even going to serve you your dinner in here. Oh, and you are going to bed, lights out, at 7:30." Then do the same with the other child. When they ask 'WHYYYYYYYY?????" just smile and say, "I'm solving MY problem: I hope you solve yours." Say no more.
This is supposed to achieve results anywhere from 2 days to 2 wks.
He also comments, "...but none of your friends will approve, so when they ask why you're so chipper and devil-may-care, just tell them you're on a new medication or something."
LOL! Hey, it's taken medications to reach the point where I CAN do such a thing calmly, over and over again. You have to have nerves of steel to put up with-the meltdown and door kicking, spitting, and screaming that will ensue. However, he is right. The consistency and calmness counts. And it will achieve results.

We're still inconsistent. And difficult child is over and above the typical sibling rivalry stuff he writes about. Do you think Rosemond would move in with-us if we paid him enough?

 

[1 Day At a Time]

I must confess that I am not a Rosemond fan. But I read this column and I have to admit - I think he is right on the money.
If this was a solution to a math problem I would call it... elegant :smile:

 

[Kathy813]

The more I read Rosemond's columns the more I wish I had found him when my daughters were younger.

I bet it will work. It will take consistency but they are sure to see quickly that they either get along or they are in their rooms for the rest of the day.

As far as other parents thinking you are a mean mom ~ let them. Being sent to your room for the rest of the day does not qualify as child abuse.

Let us know if you try it and how it goes.

~Kathy

 

[TerryJ2]

Well, easy child is so mature beyond her yrs, she rarely lets difficult child get her goat any more. Of course, she's not around him as much as I am so it's easier for her. ):
Tonight I refused to answer difficult child's nasty voice "WHY can't I stay overnight at Henry's house?!" like it's a birthright. I finally, stupidly gave in and told him he hadn't earned it. He then exploded and told me I was a liar because he had earned the right to play there to begin with by doing chores (good point, from his literal point of view) but I reminded him I was the mom and that was that. He repeated that I was a liar 18 kazillion times, and I said, "You say it one more time and you're grounded for the rest of the yr." He shut up.
I was thinking of Rosemond the entire time in the car. His advice is always easier said than done. Next time, I put tape over my mouth and drive home while breathing through my nose. I will NOT be drawn into it.

 

[susiestar]

Um, some of the effectiveness of this depends on being able to make the child stay in the room. This is not always something we can do.

I am NOT saying that it will not work, just that before starting this that we need to be sure we can make BOTH or ALL the kids do what we say they should.

This was not effective with my son. For years he took this to mean he coudl do whatever he wanted to his sister in the next room. Bad dynamic for us.

Susie

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes, Rosemond is surely assuming that you start when they're very young ... and that they stay in their rooms.
I remember writing notes on another bb (Prodigy, I think) yrs ago, when my son would scream bloody murder and wake up the entire household when he didn't want to go to sleep. I would have been happy to let him scream until kingdom come, but it kept his sister awake. No matter where you put either of them in the house, you could still hear him.

 

[Wiped Out]

We have always had trouble keeping difficult child in his room even when he was little. There are many holes in difficult child's doors.

Wouldn't it be great to have an "expert" come live and try out their theories?

 

[TerryJ2]

Wouldn't it be great to have an "expert" come live and try out their theories?

Absolutely!

But Rosemond and his wife DID try out their theories on one of their sons. In a couple of his books, he says his son ran the household and they finally put a stop to it.
Our child psychiatric had issues with-his sons, too, and one of his sons has tons of allergies, like our difficult child, so some of the behavior is allergy related, in that behaviors are triggered by or are worsened by certain foods. Still, kids have to be taught what is and is not acceptable.
Also, I get the impression that both parents were totally on board for all of this. I mean, if your spouse were a published psychiatric dr, you'd probably follow his advice with-your kids, right?

:smile: