Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gwenny, Apr 28, 2009.

  1. gwenny

    gwenny New Member

    Well for the past 2 nights husband and I have had very calm discussions about parting ways. It's so hard when you have 2 people who love each other but 1 just cant do it any more. I am now feeling guilty, because of some things that was said. I know in my head and heart that I have to go, for my son's safety and mine. How can I make this pain in my heart stop?? I have to listen to my head because my heart is in turmoil. I hate that this has to be this way. husband say's he has to do what he has to do as he does not feel he has given his all. I know he has to be there for his son, but it just doesnt make it easier. I really thought husband and me were the real deal. I thought we were all we needed to get through anything. I have never loved like I love husband. I know I have been very upset and angry lately. Now it's come down to letting the house go back and move on.

    Sorry just needed a place to say this where people understand these struggles. My friends are supportive but don't get what we are going through.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Just sending an understanding hug. Living with difficult children takes a toll on many marriages. Although I didn't love my Ex like you apparently do your husband, it still was terribly sad to separate and divorce because of difficult child issues. I'm sorry for you pain. DDD
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I am sending super cyber hugs your way.

    There have been a few times I have been at this point. Last November I was ready to pack husband's things, and the kids' things, and tell him to find a place to live. (I'm not leaving - the mortgage is held by my parents because we couldn't get a traditional one with his X's refusal to pay bills, and I have been paying most of it anyway.) Fortunately for husband and my heart, and I truly believe the kids too, everything finally came out. And things have been better. I still have moments I don't want to go home, but the violence from difficult child 1 has decreased to the point of nonexistence. She and I have had a lot of talks and she knows I won't put up with any more.

    But listen. Your husband - well, he says he does not feel he has given his all. Well, if that's true - and I believe it is - maybe you guys could stand a vacation. Let him be the dad to difficult child. Let him see what you have been doing. And to do that, you have to go away. Take easy child somewhere it's safe.

    If husband is truly the one - and he may be - you also will want to find some sort of couples counseling. If you can see his side, and he yours - maybe it can work. Or maybe not. But if it has a chance to work, it might help.

    That's my take. I'm thinking about you, lots. Don't forget you have us!!!
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Donna, I`m so sorry for your hurting heart.
    Sending many gentle hugs your way during this very painful time.

  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im so sorry. I remember years ago we had this happen to another couple on this board. The wife and husband ended up having to live in two separate residences for several years because of a difficult child. I dont remember what ever happened in that case. Sometimes we dont know the outcomes.

    I dont know if that would be possible in your case or even if that is something you would want to consider.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Donna. Many, many hugs.