Say something then they do

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by shaile, Dec 14, 2007.

  1. shaile

    shaile New Member


    There is something to this with my difficult child, and it has happened enough times now to be of no doubt to me.

    Normal things you say to your kids like new information.."Okay you have that lamp now and it is hot..make sure you don't put anything on it or it might catch fire." Welp folks..thats exactly what he ended up doing.

    Reminder from time to time.."Make sure you behave at the bus stop okay". Welp folks the very next day of each time I have given that gentle reminder..he has done something at the bus stop or on the bus.

    Reminder from time to time.."Okay remember it just takes a small amount of shampoo for your hair okay". Welp folks that very bath/shower instance results in him completely emptying the shampoo bottle to get to the bottle to play with every time.

    Things like this I could list pages full. Seems the more I arm him with preventative information or reminders ..the more the exact incidents of such happen. If I say nothing..the less they happen but feel like I am being somewhat negligent in not giving this information "especially safety ones" to him.

    Has anyone else noticed a pattern or correlation like this?

  2. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Shaile - welcome

    Well I can relate to the shampoo bottle fiasco. EVERY single time I would leave the bottles in the shower or bath he would use every single drop of shampoo. I finally ended up buying a sample size bottle of shampoo, conditioner and small bottle to put a single size serving of body soap in for him - and of course he would dump it into the water almost immediately and his head would be nasty - although dunking under a foam filled tub of fun to a child DOES count as washing their hair, face, hands, feet, and butt. Soaking longer than 21/2 minutes constitutes as being TOO CLEAN.

    As far as the constant reminders - frustrating huh? Whats wrong with natural consequences taking care of that? I promise if you stop the little reminders it won't kill either of you because APPARENTLY it isn't helping either of you anyway.

    Glad you found us and a soft place to land.
  3. happymomof2

    happymomof2 New Member

    Shalie, I know exactly what you mean. I try very hard to watch what I say. Never give them ideas!!!

    If you still feel you must say a little something - then make it just that. When he is walking out the door to the bus stop leave it with - be careful - or hope you have a nice day.

    The trail size bottles of shampoo is an excellent idea. Kind of a pain to fill them constantly but if you can buy a few fill them up on the weekends for the whole week it would work. I need to do that with my easy child daughter. She is the one that thinks she needs at least 1/2 a bottle of shampoo to wash her hair!
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Trial size is a great idea.
    It's possible that saying specific things may give kids ideas, especially impulsive kids.
    And very especially toddlers.
    My husband was watching our daughter one day when she was 1. He had her down at the dock and was meeting biz people there. He sat her down on the edge (having her there to begin with-was a huge mistake but... sigh... sometimes husband's heads are so hard!) and he said, "Don't jump."
    She heard the word jump and down she went. The creek was dark brown and you couldn't see a thing. He jumped into 6 ft water wearing a suit and tie and found her in mud up to her thighs. We're both still having nightmares. (I wasn't there but have nightmares just at the thought of it!)
    He pulled her out and was all set to do mouth-to-mouth and she giggled and said, "Do it again!"
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Yep. Happened with Travis enough that I think by about 8 or so I just quit. lol By then I figured all I was doing was making it worse.

    Now Star, where were you when Travis was little???? Gee, WHY oh why didn't I think to fill him up trial size bottles for when he bathed?? (he was consistantly dumping out all shampoos/conditioners ect) :slap:
  6. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Dylan's hand has to be held for everything. He has to be shown how to do every simple task, over and over again, many times, until he truly "gets it".

    The shampoo bottle, for example. I'd have to go up to the shower with him, show him exactly how much to use, night after night, probably for weeks, until he'd get it.

    I can never assume he would know something ahead of time. And it has to be grinded into his head daily.

    I can't say "make sure you're good on the bus today, Dylan", or "remember to have manners at lunch today, Dylan". I have to TAKE him to lunch, day after day, waiting for him to pick up on how IM doing it, for him to do it.

    It's exhausting.

    Some kids just don't get it until you beat it into their brain. And some, no matter how many times you say it, just don't ever get it.

    I'm sorry.
  7. shaile

    shaile New Member


    Okay the shampoo and smaller containers we've tried in the past but at the time it only resulted in them being easier to sneak from the bathroom into the bedroom and drizzle all over the floor. It is a great idea now and maybe a couple of years will yield different thankyou for bringing that up again. Atleast it is no more the chocolate syrup and eggs :/.

    It's always a natural impulse on my part to try and pre-warn of danger or try and keep fresh in his mind to focus more strongly on not doing the bad behaviors because it breaks everyones heart to have to then deal with the behavioral results no matter how mild to wild the discipline is.

    It was just that the pattern wasn't of something being repeditive as much as it was a actual noticeable increase in behaviors that has somewhat died down..As if I were re-feeding his memory ..oh yeah..I use to do that, and he is doing it again.

    Now that I know whats happening I will alter that for sure, and yes less reminders will come..heh.

    Well Wishes
  8. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    When my difficult child did that (she's much better about it now, but still does it some), I always figured she just didn't believe me and had to find out for herself.

    I finally made that connection when she asked me for soda one day and I told her we didn't have any. She had to go check. Like I was lying to her. :rolleyes:
  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Nomatic said it well - express the positive, not the negative. And either don't say it at all, or say it as you are giving praise, as she suggested. See if that helps.

    And a word to those who have kids (especially daughters) who use too much shampoo - shampoo works like dishwashing liquid (which it closely resembles). It is designed to emulsify the dirt. The detergent molecules are double-ended. One end is water-soluble, the other end attaches to dirt and oil. The shampoo molecule oil end attaches to the oil in your scalp (and the dirt, etc) and the water-loving end then helps it attach to the water in the bath/shower, so you can rinse it away.

    BUT - if you use too much, it's almost impossible to rinse it out of your hair. You get a residue of shampoo in your hair. If it's a conditioning shampoo you might think this is a good thing, but it's not. You now have in your hair, a very concentrated, very thin layer (because it got so evenly spread last time you washed your hair but couldn't rinse it all out) of stuff that is now grabbing and holding on to every bit of oil, grease, dirt and dust that drifts anywhere near your head.

    To summarise - if you use too much shampoo, the residue it leaves in your hair after rinsing will make your hair get dirtier much faster. Then you wash it again (again with too much shampoo) and it happens again. And again.

    Several techniques to beat this - use enough shampoo to cover a quarter (or Aussie 20c piece). Put it on the palm of your hand (do NOT squirt it straight from the bottle onto your head) then with the other hand, smear that amount evenly between both palms. Then lightly dab your palms on your WET hair until you've got it dabbed around as evenly as you can, then lather. Hair gets cleaner when you apply some effort, not when you apply the shampoo.
    You then rinse THOROUGHLY.

    We have a bloke in Australia (radio DJ and amusing columnist) who actually carried out a public experiment, where he stopped using shampoo completely. The theory is, shampoo causes your scalp to release extra oil, so if you stop using shampoo after a few weeks your scalp is no longer an oil factory and your hair is in balance. You DO have to wash your hair thoroughly every night in warm water. husband tried it, found that he does need shampoo every couple of weeks. All round Sydney people were trying this and a lot of people said it worked for them.