Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by beachbeanb, Apr 15, 2011.

  1. beachbeanb

    beachbeanb New Member

    I am scared this summer with my 16 yo son is going to be a nightmare....Idle time is not his friend! I have given him 3 weeks to find a job but now realistically that is probably not in the cards cause there are no jobs and he has no experience. But I made him a list of places to try and showed him how to fill out an application.

    I have the money to swing a big Overland or Outward Bound. But I feel like I am just paying for someone else to raise my teenager. But sitting here for the summer - we might not make it out alive!

  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    By 16, you have done the hard part. If you can afford a summer program that he can benefit from, go for it!!!
  3. beachbeanb

    beachbeanb New Member

    Thanks! Now I just have to find a way for him to think it is a good idea. He has been making really poor choices lately...the ones that just have you shaking your head....he just can't get out of his own way....breaks my heart but I am hoping to grit thru it with him. Husband will be out of country from May to I am a one man band and I think P can smell blood in the water....he towers over me in size and when things get heated there is just so much I can do....hense the scared feeling....
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Absolutely, send him to camp! :)

    And yes, you are right to get him to buy into it. Any friends you can get to go with-him?
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I vote for send him to camp. If he stays home he needs to find a place to volunteer at every week. Animal shelter, food bank, thrift store, park program, zoo, local rancher/horse breeder, whatever he may be interested in. If he want to grow up to be a pilot, take him to the airport to find a place to volunteer. IF he likes animals every animal shelter needs help all the time. Hospitals will have candy striper programs and yes, guys are in the program too. If he is interested in a sport he may be able to volunteer or even get paid to be a referee or umpire. If nothing else contact your local United Way agency and they can help you find a place for him to volunteer.

    The worst thing is for him to sit around all summer. Idle hands are the Devil's playground isn't just something Grandma said. If he can't find a job and refuses to volunteer then you lock away everything interesting including the tv and video games - even if you have to pay someone to carry them into your bedroom and to put a deadbolt on the door. If he gets loud and threatening while your husband is away - call 911. There is exactly NO excuse for this and no reason for him to do it. Keep your cell in your pocket. If he tries to take the phone out of your hand or keep you from getting to it or take it away from you then you MUST MUST MUST get him calm and get away from him and get to a phone and call 911. The more of his threatening that you tolerate the more he will accept.

    I am NOT joking about calling 911. There will likely be exactly NO police officers who will have ANY patience with a boy who tries to threaten and intimidate his momma. It is against the law to interfere with someone trying to call 911 - I know it is a felony here but it may not be anywhere else. Do NOT let calling the police not happen because it might give him a record. Better he get one and exposure to the juvenile justice system now than to become an adult and try this in the adult world. there is a HUGE difference between the juvie system and the adult system. If he stays clean for a couple of years the juvie stuff can be sealed and not count against him as an adult. he won't get that opportunity if he pulls that intimidation stuff as an adult.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I do I feel your pain!!

    If i had the wherewithal to send my difficult child somewhere - anywhere - I'd do it in a heartbeat.

    Why not put it to him this way: Either YOU find yourself a job or I will find you a job. And then send him to a YMCA "Leadership" camp where they train older kids to be camp counselors.

    IOW - his options are job or job. His choice is finding it himself, or letting you make the arrangements.
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    If he is developmentally delayed, then he isn't quite done cooking. Right?
    I am pretty sure having a difficult child involved in a productive activity or camp will do little in terms of raising him. Hopefully, something will click in his brain and he will alter one behavior or learn one life lesson.
    If the choice is to have a difficult child engaged in activities and socially appropriate situations or sitting around arguing with everyone and
    making eveyrone miserable. seems like a no brainer to me.
    Encourage difficult child to do the job application thing and in the meantime talk up camp. Whichever comes first would be the way I would go.