If there were special prayers a mother could pray to make the pain go away, to make life just cease and everyone we have ever loved immediately have a happy life and memories of US, their mother, just fade away like bubbles, I think today I would throw myself on the floor and scream that prayer at the heavens. For the last year I've been battling a severe brain disorder, long story short, I have a severely swollen ventricle in my brain and nearly every day I battle pain in my head worse than any migraine you can imagine. My husband and I have been to multiple doctors and neurologists, neurosurgeons, etc, to find the right combination of medications to find a solution to this ... but living with the constant pain is frustrating in and of itself. That may sound like the problem ... I wish it were. Far from it ... I used to be outgoing. I used to be an extrovert ... worked for the airlines, a flight attendant, climbed mountains, was very much an adventurer. Before that, I was a hands on mom and deeply was devoted to both my children. I was raised in a loving home where both my parents were married until they passed away. When Aly (my daughter) was 11, I went through menopause and it took it's toll on me. I explained to my husband how I felt and was told "you can control yourself if you try". He, mind you was raised in a not=so-loving home ... where there was lots of arguments, not a lot of respect, lots of judging and criticizing and his own mother stopped having a relationship with HER mother when she was in her 30's as well as her own sister, and her husbands sister. I too have been cast out of her life without so much as any explanation. All of this was perfectly rational to my husband. He grew up in it and could simply explain it away without empathy or any remorse for those who were hurting. He tries to "mediate" between us, but what I need is for my husband to be my HUSBAND and not a mediator ... still, if he's happy doing things that way I suppose I need to let it go. This past week my daughter announced that she did NOT love me, that she loved her father and that she would no longer respond to my texts or phone calls unless it was an emergency. She has since then carried on a wonderful relationship with my husband who seems to be taking it all quite lightly. He said he would think about it for a while and talk to her later once he "thinks" on it. Usually that means nothing will ever get done. My daughter also told me that when she was eleven, because I yelled at her, she considered killing herself because of me, and my husband told her he understood. Please understandd that as I was going through menopause, my husband would make jokes aimed at me in front of the kids and they would all laugh at me in the kitchen ... humiliating me to the point of tears ... and I would flee to my bedroom to get away from it. I begged my husband to please stop doing that and he would for a few days ... only to start up again. It continued all the way until my daughter was in college. Eventually she stopped coming home. Now she lacks respect for me ... she has no empathy at all for my situation and now says she doesn't love me a bit. She says the cruelest things to me. She does, however, confide in my husbands mother ... I should just be glad she has someone to talk to, right? .... but I'm afraid she's getting ill advice. Someone tell me how I'm suppose to feel. Why shouldn't my heart just break into a million pieces? Why can't my head just explode to bits? If it weren't for my son, I've no idea how lost I'd feel. Both my parents have passed away ... I've no sisters or brothers. This IS my family. Actually I suppose it's my husbands. I've no idea where I fit. Someone PLEASE, tell me what I should do, or feel?!?! I don't know where to turn!!!